Question about suicidal ocd

My question is that did you always can tell that you dont want to do it. It got me to a place where i read "i know i dont want to do it" gets me triggered and sad cause i feel like i dont know. Because if i would know i wouldnt be scared. Sometimes it even feels like i want to do it. I had times when i got angry that im afraid of it, like its makes me angry that i dont want to do it, idk i might misinterpret it. In those moments its really hard to tell what you feel, thats why i dont like to engage in it, last time i tried to see if its my real value to die, and i felt like yes it is and it scared me. I hate when then the feeling that you had enough gets into this too, then these thoughts gets so disturbing and i cant tell what i want. Because of anger its like i follow the thoughts, i dont do anything but its like im changing my values to i rather die. Maybe i misinterpret values with emotions. But in those times its really hard to diffirenciate the two

Username: BearwiththehairBearwiththehair

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey! I’m so sorry your going through this back and fourth with your thoughts I too suffer from these. The best thing in these times are grounding techniques count to 10, name 5 things you see deep breathes etc. Try and keep a diary entry of when these thoughts appear. I would write the date and time- the feelings I feel, the thoughts I’m having (even the bad I know their scary to see when looking back to you but you gotta do it 💪) and if you see a pattern then you will know when your feeling depressed or having suicidal ideation (I would defiantly get help either way but it would help you explain to the doctor what has been going on) I hope this helps in anyway! Please stay with us you don’t know the best days are yet to come

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

These just makes me feel more afraid that im actually having suicidal ideations...

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

Im trying to find videos about this type of ocd cause i really struggle now, but its sad how low is the study about this ocd... people just dont realize that those thing doesnt help for us, its not just that "our thoughts isnt what we want, its ego-dystonic blahblahblah" if it was just that we would be healed. Ocd is emotions too. You feel depressed you feel like the thoughts are true, and if you tell someone hey i feel depressed and i have suicidal intrusive thoughts, bumm you are labeled suicidal with depression... its not that easy... sometimes im sad about the people who got misdiagnosed with suicidal ideation. Ocd its not that simple that its just a thought and i feel afraid, yeah for some it is, but im not the only one who gets these thoughts and feels like i want to do it, sometimes its feels like its my deep desire, cause ocd is like that, yet i never did anything with myself. Sometimes it makes me feel like its the solution yet deep inside i feel anxiety but im so caught up with the whole story that i dont realize this isnt me, its just ocd. Its just so sad, when i have a big setback i fall back cause all i hear suicidal ocd is just fear of thoughts. Mine sometimes gets mixed with anger and those times its like i want to do it but guess what i do nothing cause meantime im feeling bad about it cause its not me. People deserve to know the truth. This is why i trust more in people who got through ocd than therapists, cause therapists studies whats in the paper, while people with ocd goes through it and know what is really like...

Username: JenniesOCDBrainJenniesOCDBrain

Date posted: 1y ago

hey, i can hear how tough this is for you - the confusion and fear that comes with not being able to trust your own feelings is really hard. it's okay to feel angry and scared about these thoughts and it makes so much sense that you're struggling to differentiate between your values and emotions. you're not alone in this. i've been there too, and what really helped me was this free AI OCD therapy tool called "unstuck" (unstuckmyocd.com/try) that my OCD therapist recommended. it'll be especially helpful for you because it provides personalized step-by-step support when OCD blurs the lines between your values and fears, almost like having an OCD therapist in your pocket. i hate when people promote stuff, but i really think it can help you because it's changed my life. lmk if you have Qs or just want to talk more! <3

Username: marcygirl23marcygirl23

Date posted: 22w ago

How are you now?

Username: Soph

Date posted: 4y ago

Is it normal when you try and ask yourself ‘Do I really want this/want to do this’ you feel like you can’t answer? With my sexual obsessions it’s like I can’t stick to my values and morals because every time I say ‘well I wouldn’t ever do that in real life’ my brain is like ‘but how do you really know if you don’t want to...’ so how can I stick to my values?

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 4y ago

Hi guys, I've been suffering with POCD for quite a while now. Because I reached a point where I was ready to commit suicide due to the continuous stress, shame, guilt and (self)disgust caused by my OCD, I have recently decided to start therapy. I'm happy with this decision as I want to learn how to cope with my thoughts in a healthy, effective way. However, there is one thing that slows me down. There is always this thought/question running through my mind that makes me doubt more than anything about my values: 'do I actually want to recover from OCD?'. Whenever I ask myself this question and answer with 'yes, of course, there is no doubt in that!' I get a really strong feeling of me lying to myself and/or being in denial about whether I want these thoughts or not. I know it sounds confusing, and I apologise for that, but why do I feel that I don't want to recover from this bad, unhealthy state full with terrible thoughts, urges and sensations?! I would really like to know your opinions. Thank you so much for reading this. And I apologise if it's confusing. Take care x

POCD

Username: shahsand

Date posted: 4y ago

My ocd has been bothering me about suicide it’s not a compulsion to do so but it’s bothering me about the fact that what if i am and i’m just bothered by it and don’t want to admit it. Deep down though I know i’m not and that I don’t want to. I’m just bothered by my lack of knowledge in it and with the question that arises as to is it possible to be suicidal and not want to be...any thoughts?

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