I am having trouble coping with the fact that my daughters will not be with me on Christmas. Their dad left me when I was 8 months pregnant with our second child. The girls are now 18 months and 6 months and it breaks my heart that my life now consists of their dad getting to spend the holiday with them, and I will not. These thoughts are making my BFRD harder to control.
hey, i can't imagine how tough it must be missing out on christmas with your little ones, especially with everything else you've been through. đ your strength in facing these challenges while managing bfrd is really admirable. i've been down that rough ocd road too, and what was a game-changer for me was this free AI ocd therapy tool called "unstuck" (unstuckmyocd.com/try) my ocd therapist recommended. it'll be especially helpful for you because it offers that personalized step-by-step support when you're dealing with those tough thoughts, just like an ocd therapist would. i hate when people promote stuff, but i really think it can help you because it's changed my life. lmk if you have qs or just want to talk more! <3
@JenniesOCDBrain Thank you very much for this message. I truly appreciate your reply and your recommendation. Did you/do you have similar experiences?
They won't be that sad they'll be fine and what holidays do you get?
Because honestly my dad isn't gonna be around for Christmas and most holidays anymore now and I'm completely fine
@Artyparty! Iâm sorry that your dad isnât around. My dad wasnât too involved either. I just hoped for a different life for my girls. And ended up in the same exact situation my mother was in with me. I hope it doesnât make my girls have difficulty because I couldnât make their dad stay.
@Artyparty! Also, thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I appreciate it.
You could make a after Christmas Christmas for them with then with you to spend time with them too
I get Thanksgiving and Christmas next year. Iâm not sure why the judge did it this way. Itâs a temporary order and our final court date isnât until February 2025. I hope my girls will someday know that I didnât want to be apart from them. My 18 month old has terrible separation anxiety and cries and calls out âmommyâ when she has to go to her dadâs. She also does this at daycare. Itâs heartbreaking to see your baby wanting you, and having to push them off physically in order to comply with a court order to let their dad get them every few days. My parents were divorced at such a young age that I donât remember it being difficult. But my parents lived far enough apart that I only had to go to my dadâs every other weekend. My kids go every week for two days, and every other weekend.
Nah it's just from divorce and stuff normal stuff
I'm still 13
Well the divorce hasn't even gone through yet
My ocd is ruining my relationship with my kids. Because of the intrusive thoughts I avoid being close to them, hugging or cuddling up to watch tv. My ocd is either telling me I wouldnât care if harm came to them or it turns everything into something sexual or inappropriate. For example, my daughter wanted to show me how long her nails are so she started scratching my arm gently. It felt so nice and relaxing and I immediately panicked because I was scared the ocd would cause a groinal and I donât ever, ever want a feeling like that connected with my child even though I know itâs the ocd causing it and not me iâd still feel horrible. I just want to be a normal loving affectionate mom and I can never be that for my kids because of ocdđȘ I donât see any other parents posting about going through this or commenting that they do and how they cope. I feel so alone and defeated.
Every day my ocd makes sure thereâs a new reason for me to stay trapped in my mind rather than being the mom I want to be that my kids need. Instead iâm stuck in my head depressed and pushing them away. The other day I was braiding my daughterâs hair like I always do and her hair is really long so when I get to the end of the braid I can see her butt in my peripheral vision and I looked down and I immediately got upset asking myself why did I look down?(the ocd has made me question everything I do now). I know itâs just because I was at the end of the braid and I just looked because I was already looking in that direction. A normal person wouldnât even think twice about it. There was no inappropriate reason behind it at all but of course my ocd latched onto the situation and said I looked down because I wanted to look at her butt. I was so upset and said to myself âI donât understand how the ocd started an intrusive thought because she was wearing baggy pants. I could understand if she had on tight pants and her butt was more noticeableâ and the only reason I said that is because usually the only time my ocd starts intrusive thoughts telling me iâm looking at my daughter in a wrong way is when she has on leggings or a crop top or bathing suit ect. Now my ocd twisted what I said to mean that I like looking at her in tight pants. Nooo! Thatâs not what I meant but now the ocd wonât stop trying to make me believe that. I donât ever look at my children in any inappropriate way. I hate this. I hate ocd and I canât live like this anymore.
Since I developed ocd as postpartum my ocd has mostly always targeted my kids. It started as harm and then switched to pocd. Both are equally very painful. For years I was mostly able to keep my ocd at bay but when it comes back itâs so bad. I have a son and a daughter and my ocd switches back and forth from kid to kid with horrible intrusive thoughts and now even intrusive ocd dreams. With each thought I get past and start to feel relief another one pops right up. The thoughts feel so real and true even though I know itâs just the ocd and not how I think or feel, the ocd always makes me doubt myself and question everything I think or do. I know other moms/dads go through this too. Please anyone who has or is going through this please tell me how you deal with this. đȘ
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