- Username
- lexnot
- Date posted
- 6y ago
You have to remember though that you can’t just out of the blue ‘discover’ you are a lesbian, it’s something that you’re born being. You can’t just be forced to be something against your will. She was probably always a lesbian but hid it for some reason.
^ I agree, people argue that sexuality is fluid, but that usually applies to what we get aroused by, find attractive, etc etc. sexual orientation, is however programmed into us before we are born. It’s in our brain chemistry, it cannot change !
Stop avoiding it , that’s a compulsion and just adds to your problem. Expose yourself as much as you to what scares you , look at lesbian porn or look up lesbian pictures anything like that. That should spike up ur anxiety until you me body gets use to it and u just get bored of the thought. The thoughts will probably still be there but you will desensitize yourself to them and they will have less of an effect on you. This is basically ERP, of course I’m not an expert but it helped me with harm ocd.
@Laurie @Brookenoel I know but it’s got me thinking like “oh maybe I’m this way too” and I now have this fear that if I get with a guy I won’t enjoy the relationship.... when in the past all I’ve wanted was a relationship with a guy :( when I had my first kiss my thought immediately was that I wanted to do it again... I feel like so isolated... when I forget the thoughts for one second, they come back. I’ll admit they’re better at school but still effective...
My friends just told me that one of my friends is gay. Oh my god. One of my friends is a lesbian and I just feel so anxious. Does that mean I am too? Oh my god I feel weird. I feel like I am hiding from everyone. I just feel so weird.
My anxiety is pretty much gone...the thoughts are not...here’s the thoughts I’m having... -it’s not hocd this time, it’s the real thing -omg you’re attracted to your friend you’ve known for 18 years and you’re just now realizing it -when you see your boyfriend you’re gonna realize you don’t love him because you’re a lesbian -then I get intrusive thoughts about kissing girls...over and over and over again The hardest part is that the anxiety is gone so I don’t know if these are real thoughts...what if they are? What if I’m lying to myself? What if every boy I have ever fallen for in the past was just a cover? What if one day I’ll wake up and decide that men just don’t do it for me anymore? But I love them. I always have. The broad shoulders, the big arms, the height, the scent, the feeling of a boner on my butt while we spoon (so sorry tmi moment), I’ve loved them since I was 3! What the hell happened?
Thinking about relationships makes me feel so bad. At this point both men and women trigger this obsession with trying to figure out what my sexuality is. I don’t really want to date anyone, I’ve been okay with this for over a year, and it’s not like I’ve been completely detached from the lgtbqia community. Like, I know lesbians and other wlw and for a long time I thought I was like bi (I think I’m honestly more aro than I realized), and I haven’t thought much, but ever since I realized I don’t want to share my future with anyone it’s like my brain is screeeeaming that this just means I’m a lesbian, when that’s never been a thought that crossed my mind. It’s definitely been better for me lately when I started cutting out compulsions and all that, but I’m still undiagnosed and I don’t know for sure what exactly is happening to me. If I was a lesbian I’d accept myself, but it’s the fact that it feels SO BAD when I think about it that makes me feel like I need to figure it out even more. Like is it anxiety because I don’t like it or anxiety because it’s like internalized homophobia? And it’s like omg I need to figure it out otherwise I’m just living a lie and I won’t ever be happy. I’ll get flashes of anxiety when I’m just watching a movie or a YouTube video about a boy band I like... and it throws things from the lesbian masterdoc in my face about how I had crushes on fictional characters and celebrities and how that’s something that lesbians do because it’s ‘safer’ to crush on unobtainable men. And it just feels bad bc I know I’ve had crushes on guys that were my friends too but I also have a lot of trauma and I wasn’t allowed to date growing up so that’s what I did to actually explore romance. When the anxiety spikes it makes me feel as if it was all a sign. What’s worse is that I started looking to aromanticism before I read the doc and there’s this bit about how some lesbians think they’re aro bc they don’t like men but never explore their attraction to women either and it’s like ahhhh what’s the truth. I don’t know anymore. Not thinking about it makes me antsy, & the second my anxiety spikes it’s hard to do anything during the rest of the day. I don’t want to think about falling in love and having relationships, I miss when I was just living life in the moment. I miss not thinking twice about when I found a guy attractive, or even a girl. Like it just makes my brain hurt so bad.
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