ROCD: how do I do ERP while I'm with my partner? How can I prevent myself doing compulsions without compromising the time spent with him?

It sounds to me like there’s a lot of all-or-nothing thinking going on here. You believe flaws are somehow incompatible with love. That’s certainly not the case. To love someone without any flaws would be quite easy for most of us, but put simply: those people do not exist. That love would be inhuman. Your boyfriend has flaws. So will anyone you ever date. They certainly don’t mean you should break up with them or that you can’t/shouldn’t love them. I think you need to work on noticing when you’ve identified a flaw and then simply acknowledging it and moving on, rather than digging into the details (like how bad is the flaw, how deeply do I feel about this, how much does this affect my life, how much better would things be without this flaw, etc.) Engaging in that line of thinking is a mental compulsion to try to find a way to escape the anxiety provoked by noticing the flaw. Rather than going down the rabbit hole, simply let the anxiety the flaw causes in you exist and naturally dissipate. Stop turning it over in your mind. When you notice yourself ruminating on a flaw, note it and redirect your attention to the present moment. Avoidance is also a compulsion, so I’d encourage you to touch/kiss these flaws! Whatever you feel when you do so is fine. Feel disgust or anxiety or fear or sadness. Over time, these feelings will become less distressing with habituation. And I think it’s wise not to discuss these things with your bf. This is for you to deal with and really has nothing to do with him. He’s done nothing wrong and it would be unkind to tell him about how much flaws he cannot control bother you. If there are perceived flaws that are in fact in his control and are reasonable to change, then you can bring them up. (Think things like always being late, not contributing as much housework, not providing support to you when you’re struggling.) but every relationship needs room for imperfection. In short: Accept the flaws! It does not mean the end of anything. In fact, it might mean the beginning of a much more honest and realistic relationship.

Thank you SO MUCH. You don't know how I appreciated these advices. I feel more relaxed right now. It will come in my mind when I'll obsess again ❤❤

I think we’d need more info to help! What triggers you? What do your thoughts look like? How do you typically respond? What are your compulsions and how hard are they to resist? Does your partner know about your ROCD? Do they want to help with ERP?

Many things. Recently I've been focusing on his perceived flaws. The form is typically this: 'If you don't like this thing it means that you don't love him' and I feel guilty I try to compulse checking his body and my feelings towards it over and over, I can't relax, my mind is checking in order to find the flaw and the reason why the relationship shouldn't be, then I start thinking at the past and at the first time I had rocd symptoms with him (very early) and I obsess over this shit a lot Sometimes I try to resist accepting and touching/kissing the perceived flaw, but I don't know if it works, I'm so tired, this tears me up a lot and everyday. He knows about rocd but I've always refused to tell him about every single obsessions because I did it with my ex bf (at the time I didn't know about rocd, anyway I had severe episodes) and it has not been a good idea.

I can't accept his perceived flaws because I fear this would mean the end of the relationship