Sad.

I feel like OCD is just my entire personality at this point. It’s been going more haywire than usual lately. Just fell into a vicious cycle of over analyzing nearly every thought I’ve had and trying to piece together everything. Just realizing that nearly everything I think just follows the exact same pattern. I felt like I had a good handle on my OCD for a good while, and now it seems to have spiked again. I just feel so low. I hate when you feel like you’re doing good and then it just goes all the way back to the bottom again. Makes me feel like I didn’t have any type of progression. My issue lately is I’m constantly obsessing… and if a close friend that I feel comfort towards talk to me, I’m always telling them my thoughts. It gets tiring. I’m sure they’re tired of hearing about my OCD. I am, too. But it’s hard not to talk about it when it’s pretty much all I’m thinking about. I know my friends aren’t my therapist… I’m not asking them for advice, I’m simply venting because I’m struggling — but I just hate it. My thoughts are all over the place, just feeling really alone and sad. I know realistically I’m not alone. Not the only one going through this. I hope someone can relate to this. I need that reassurance right now. Not an OCD reassurance. I just don’t want to feel alone. I need a hug. I feel so mentally sick. I hate that my brain is like this. I wish it wasn’t.

☾ ᴍxɢɪᴄᴀʟᴍᴏᴏ...

Date posted: 1y

Same here. Thank you for sharing.

blahocd

Date posted: 1y

@☾ ᴍxɢɪᴄᴀʟᴍᴏᴏɴ ⋆˙⟡ you’re welcome. thank you for responding and making me feel less alone. 🩷

black_sunrise

Date posted: 1y

You’re not alone, friend! In fact, you’re literally exactly where you need to be (as far as talking to ppl on this app)! We’re all in the same school, so to speak, just different classrooms. 🙂 I’m so glad you found this app, because for me, it’s been a life changer. I know it might sound crazy to people that don’t understand what we all go through with OCD, but, it’s not for them to understand and that’s why we’re all here, in this together. I soo wish I could give ya a hug, because I know exactly how that feels, too. Random question, but, do you have any pets?

blahocd

Date posted: 1y

@black_sunrise thank you, friend. discovering this app has 100% helped a lot. when i first got diagnosed 6 years ago, it was a whole lot worse not knowing how prevalent ocd was and not knowing about the existence of this app. thank you for your response, i hope your day is going great. i don’t have any pets- but i have thought about getting a cat!!

black_sunrise

Date posted: 1y

@blahocd You literally took the words right outta my brain!! I was just diagnosed a few months ago but I’ve dealt with the symptoms my whole life.. I was diagnosed with ADHD a looong time ago but never told anyone about my OCD.. I was just so hard on myself about the little things that I had to do on a daily basis, that I just couldn’t handle someone judging me for them… until this past October.. it just came to a screeching halt that I finally needed to ask for help with and I’m SO glad I did. Yes! This app has truly, truly helped and I’m so glad that you’re here!!! P.S. PLEASE consider a pet! My boys have saved my life, literally and figuratively. Especially when I feel alone, I know I always have them to turn to and they’ll love me unconditionally (unless they’re hungry, of course 🤪)

justinisscared

Date posted: 1y

You definitely aren't alone. I have been feeling the exact same way for the last few months. I've had OCD for over 15 years and even when i had terrible phases of it it wasn't nearly as bad as I'm feeling now. I look in the mirror and hate that I don't even recognize myself anymore. This is such a terrible condition and it's so unfair how badly it hurts and takes away from living life

blahocd

Date posted: 1y

@justinisscared thank you for replying, i’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with it for so long. i didn’t realize it’s been so long for me as well. i know we will get through this… some days just harder than others. gotta ride the wave.

Loranqadri

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

You have me I feel you, and hugs to you, try listening to calming music and not think of anything for a while ❤️

blahocd

Date posted: 1y

@Loranqadri thank you. hugs.

monte333

Date posted: 24w

Back to struggling

I posted yesterday that I was feeling better than usual, now I’m not. I knew it could happen that I start to feel bad again. I’ve been feeling like this is the worst it’s been so far but that can’t be true because nothing has changed I’m always afraid of doing something bad, have done something bad, or are capable of doing something bad. I posted a TW on this post just in case. My main thing is I’m afraid of being a certain kind of bad person. I won’t mention it I know people will understand probably who I mean. I know it’s an OCD type, and I’ve been looking up different instances of people with this same subtype and sometimes I find someone in my same situation and I feel relief, for a moment at least. But then I think I might be different. I’m seeing my therapist Friday, and I’m always nervous talking to them because I want to not sound like I’m crazy. Sometimes I’m like you must’ve done something bad to feel this way or, you’re a bad person and should feel bad. There’s so much I wish I could do to help with this. I fall back into a spiral anytime I feel better because I feel like why would I feel good now if I wasn’t before. Sorry for the rant everyone. I just feel bad now and I’m worried I’ll never feel normal again. Hopefully someone else has felt or feels the same. I want to not feel like this, I wish I could go back to when I was young and undiagnosed to get the correct diagnosis early. I feel like my meds aren’t helping anymore which is concerning because like my anxiety should be gone right? Idk, and idk why I have felt really good recently but now after spiraling I’m back at it. Sometimes I’m worried it’s not ocd even though I have plenty of signs AND was officially diagnosed. Again sorry for the long post, just needed to air out how I felt

Generiname

Date posted: 22w

Not in a good place

My OCD wants to kill me. I have been crying to the point of nausea and the idea of carrying this disorder for the rest of my life has put my body in a state of fight or flight for well over 5 years. I’m exhausted, I’m tired, no one messages me because all I talk about is my OCD because that IS my day, week, month etc. I’m a struggling alcoholic because of this fucking disorder and it’s too much, I want to drink so bad but I know I’ll mess with my medication in a pretty scary way. But at this point I’m starting to not care. I’m scared and it feels like a bad dream where no one understands what I’m going through. Sorry for the word dump, I need to vent here because at least you guys get it.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

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