Idk how to get over the abusive household I’ve lived in. Dad was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. My mom and I would be verbally abusive to each other when I was growing up because she was sheltering and controlling, and I say things like I wish she was dead (I don’t mean any of this) and once she called my father when we were fighting and he was trying to hit me to teach me a lesson. My mom called the cops and everyone blamed me. I left for Dubai and lost my job there, and was isolated for months by an emotionally abusive boyfriend. Me and him had some quarrels and he would pretend to go to hit me and put his fist up to scare me but he never did and spit in my face. He sent me back home and my parents again treat me like a prisoner. I was jobless and so isolated I forgot how to socialize, and my mental state was so fragile. My mom would willingly drive me to any small interview I had (they got broke and sold a car so now I don’t have a car) and then when I got a job offer if it didn’t match what my mom thought was right for me she said “I’m not driving you to that job” and after months of control and isolation I pounced at her and attacked her pretty much. When my mom talks she knows how to provoke people and my anger over many years and also from my experience in Dubai made my blood boil and I felt so helpless. I’m 26 and I feel like I’m in a prison. Now I’m working in the city and a part time job on the weekend and mentally I’m feeling normal again but I think back to when I pounced at her out of anger and feeling like a POS. I thought I was gentle and she stayed at a friends house overnight while my dad scared me and said she went to the hospital. She also dug her nails into my head and I got hurt too. I keep trying to move out and I love my parents but there is so much resentment from the past. They would always threaten to take me out of college and told me what to major in. When I got HOCD at 14 I was scared I was gay and they said I should be shot. Now all my anger builds up and I’m the horrible one. Every time my mom complains of a headache I obsess I did it to her and caused health issues. She says she’s fine, it’s unrelated and she forgives me. We are going to go to therapy but it’s just abusive all around for many years mostly emotionally. Idk how to get rid of so much anger and resentment. When my dad punches my head it’s ok but if I do something it’s horrific.

Oh dear Jazzz1234? I’m so sorry to hear that! Where in the world are you from? If you’d want to, you can text me in messenger?... I work in a women’s safehouse, so I can guide you a little?

-But no matter where you’re from in the world: I think it would be a good idea to take some emergency numbers with you all the time.. just in case you suddenly need to leave home..?!

Hey! I am from Long Island, outside of NYC. Id rather keep my convos on here for now for confidentiality reasons. I feel like such a horrible daughter to try and beat my mom essentially. I shoved her and took a slipper at her. We are all calm now and I come home from work and me and my family are all happy and eat but there are underlying issues for years now. This is really messing with my ocd. Now I’m working 7 days a week to keep busy and get my life back to normal. My experience in the outskirts of Dubai Iike a middle eastern housewife really affected me mentally and I was in rage against the world. Before I got my big job in the city I really felt helpless and not finding a job and I looked at my mom as my enemy. Now I remember her crying the day I attacked and I really don’t feel like a good person. I had posted in here about this before and someone just said I need to seek help from an abuse hotline and can’t forgive myself yet and it triggered me off. I know I was wrong but there’s so many factors that come into play. And I feel really bad for it so I’m looking to forgive myself but I can’t.

How are you doing these days?.. I really do think it would be best for you to talk to someone about the abuse and family issues.. I think it’s going to be very difficult to treat the OCD when there is so much going on at home...

I’m 26 now and first got ocd at 14. I went to therapy with and without my mom for 10 years and now we have no money and I don’t have insurance yet. So I use this app in the meantime. Sometimes some answers scolding me really trigger me. I know my depression has made me violent but I don’t want to go on hating myself. Now every time my mom has a ditsy moment I obsess I did something to her head even though she dug her nails into my head and my dad has beat my head in. I’ve apologized and we’ve been ok watching shows everyday after I get home from work. I’m just really frustrated and lonely, and my mom knows how to provoke me with her words alone. It’s issues we can’t fix and it’s best I move out. The problem is I’m in debt so I need to pay that off first. I just feel like she still wants to control me like I’m a kid. She even said if I get medication that she doesn’t approve of she wants me out ASAP.