Struggling with worsening pocd and seeking help after therapy hiatus.

contains tw// p-ocd, beatstiality, self harm mentioned briefly ok so to start this i really enjoy child psychology, working with kids, etc. I’m a camp councilor in the summer at two different camps and a babysitter in the winter. I’m the youngest so no younger siblings but i know if i did i would 100% take care of them just because of my love of taking care of kids. I’ve always had p-ocd and struggled with it but it’s only gotten worse within the last year, starting with my psychiatrist saying i didn’t have ocd and casing a panic attack in my partial hospitalization program (a mental hospital.) I get pretty horrible thoughts about pocd and children and im currently having a small-medium anxiety attack about it. i have never hurt a child to but my brain keeps repeating the fact that “P3dos work in places where they have access to childern” at times when i’m activity working with kids it will happen and i ignore it but right now it feels stuck to me. I can’t help but understand that that is a fact and i’m more likely to be a p3do because of the fact i’m a camp councilor. i also have some pretty bad ocd about beastiality and i’m also panicking about that. i have some memories of me being 7ish and doing some questionable things regarding this. ( i know is (in theory) normal for kids that age due to differnt developmental stages and due to the fact that i was groomed as a kid) but the memories play in my head repeatedly and make me really upset. i start gagging and i can’t look at my pets anymore without wanting to hurt myself or throw up. (it’s mostly bad right now, not usually) I always try and distract myself and it usally helps but it’s not right now. i have ocd but every time i think about it i can’t help but question weather or not i’m actually a p3do/like animals. It’s gotten to the point where i start asking people to send me to jail but im staring to think that was a good idea given how terrible my thoughts are. i also have trouble talking to my friends about it because i never know if they will ss my texts and spread that i’m a p3do (they won’t but i get nervous) anyway please give advice/help with any of these issues if you can

I’ve been struggling with POCD since I was 18 years old, I am now 22. It’s terrifying how quickly it switched from my ocd focusing on a fear of pregnancy, to magical thinking ocd, and then to POCD. I’ve been suffering with it so much so that I’ve convinced myself and have lost friends due to confession compulsions. I have major issues with ruminating, and it frequently goes hand in hand with my relationship OCD and my Suicidal thoughts OCD. (Worrying my partner will leave me because what if I am, and that I can’t take this anymore so I have to __) I often experience things like shame, guilt, grief, and intense emotional pain that manifests itself into nausea and heartburn and sometimes headaches. I’ve tried everything, so this app really is my last resort. I wish to find community here, to know that what I’m facing I’m not alone in my battles with. I know that I’m not, so why does my brain work so hard telling me I am? I love children, I always have. But I get so afraid of being near them. I want to get better. I want to be able to spend time with my family again.

hi everyone, i’m new to this app and it’s taken me a lot of courage to even post this or publicly say anything regarding my OCD because i feel so much shame and guilt and distress because of my POCD intrusive thoughts. it’s one of the most draining, most anxiety filled things ive ever been through. i’ve had OCD since i was little. i’ve had different themes ranging from my sexuality to health ( i still struggle with health OCD ) from awful morbid thoughts about my mother and now i’m having thoughts about children. i’ve been struggling with POCD for maybe almost 2 years and even though i know it’s OCD, im still constantly being mentally reminded it is a reflection of me. i keep getting to a point where i feel as if im starting to get better and even though i keep having a strong urge to compulse, i don’t proceed to and it’s been helping a lot. but then i get into a state where i start questioning “ what if i really don’t have OCD and these thoughts are genuinely who i am “ then i give into compulsions to check if im really an awful person. so it feels as if im back to square one. i really need advice and help and i want to know if anyone is experiencing the same thing and how you deal with it. thank you for taking the time to read this :)