False memory ocd

I read multiple articles on false memory ocd an now I’m confused. I actually thought that false memory ocd is marked by things that are actually completely fabricated by the brain. But I keep seeing things like „an event that may or may not have happened“, does this mean that it could actually be true? Are there any ways how to find out if what you’re going through is real if it’s an actual bad act? Because for me I have been completely focused on false memory ocd lately and while I was ruminating on another one, I suddenly got an image of sth even worse that could maybe be like 7 or 8 months ago. I never remembered this happening and for months I’ve been convinced I had never hurt anybody but then I got this image. I instantly also thought that this didn’t happen and that I would definitely remember if it had happened because it’s actually horrible and it’s not just something you would quickly do and then completely forget, it’s an actual entire act. And I never was close to that person. But I keep being like „but what if I listened to my intrusive thoughts? But I can’t remember doing that and I even have posts on here from around that time saying I was too afraid of that person and that I would never ever listen to my intrusive thoughts… but what if I tried to get rid of my ocd theme by doing this? Nah that’s not what I would do and I know that… I’ve never done any harmful things just to get rid of this theme this is stupid“ etc etc. Like I keep fearing I might’ve done this and done it for various reasons. But I can’t actually remember doing it. All those scenarios feel like they’re just imaginations. But I can’t let go of it. And usually for memories it’s that with time you start to be able to puzzle it all together trough evidence and u don’t forget bad things you’ve done. For example, I know that like a year ago I pushed my sister while I was having an argument with her. I remember everything from then because in my entire life I’ve barely ever done anything to others and so I usually remember those events almost 100% perfectly. I also remember sth from almost 10 years ago in which I called one of my friends (and ik this is bad, that’s why I remember it) fat. I lost a few details but I still remember what exactly I did and that the exact same day I called the parents and apologised bc I felt bad. But for this scenario, I’ve been ruminating on it for TWENTY days and I’m still in the doubting stage. I have spent hours ruminating by now and I still don’t have any actual memories back, just things like „but what if I was mad and then just did this and instantly forgot about it?“ and all this. But not an actual full scenario of me doing this even though it could only be a few months away. Idk what To do, I can’t continue living with the uncertainty. If it’s real, then I won’t even continue living. People like these are terrible and disgusting and don’t deserve living and everybody can agree on that.

Username: izabela’socdizabela’socd

Date posted: 49w ago

I am going through this exact thing. I have events in my head THAT I CAN PICTURE AND THAT FEEL SO REAL THAT I THINK THEY ARE REAL BUT IM NOT SURE. I hate living with the uncertainty and I try to ruminate or go back into my brain and “figure it out”. When I tell you I’m dealing with the exact same thing, I mean it. I have events in my head that I think I’ve done but I’m not sure if my brain is fabricating it. The best thing to do is to try your best to forget about it, forget about the event and eventually the logic will come back to you. Or try radical acceptance. Accept that this thing might have happened or might have NOT, most likely it didn’t happen but you’ll never know and try your hardest to live with not knowing. I have a group chat on Snapchat of ocd girls and guys struggling with ocd, I can add you to it if you like?

Username: m1ch3ll3m1ch3ll3

Date posted: 49w ago

@izabela’socd The thing is that it’s actually terrible and even illegal, that’s why living with this is really difficult being constantly under the uncertainty of probably being terrible. Will letting go of it actually get the sense of knowing that it hadn’t happened get back into my brain? Because I know that for two days straight before I got this one, I was ruminating on other false memories and whenever the theme then switched I suddenly knew for sure that it hadn’t happened

Username: m1ch3ll3m1ch3ll3

Date posted: 49w ago

@izabela’socd And for me it’s the thing that they don’t actually feel real, they are too terrible to be sth that I’d do. I can’t even hurt a fly irl without feeling terrible, I could never do this and then just forget it ENTIRELY. I feel like this is just my imagination but I keep being like „but what if? What if I actually just forgot abt this? What if it was some kinda repressed memory? But wouldn’t I actually remember this? I mean I was old enough to know what’s wrong and what isn’t and it’s only a few months away…“

Username: izabela’socdizabela’socd

Date posted: 49w ago

@m1ch3ll3 @m1ch3ll3 Letting it go might give a sense of knowing it hadn’t happened. I know for me when I have a false memory, if I let it go, the logic will come back to me. And I know exactly how you feel with it being illegal and actually terrible, I have false memories of raping people and this kills me to my very core. This hurts me to my very core. So living with the uncertainty feels like a stab wound to me.

Username: izabela’socdizabela’socd

Date posted: 49w ago

@m1ch3ll3 And if it feels not real then it probably isn’t, exacrly you wouldn’t hurt a fly do you see how the logic with ocd is irrational. This is because it never happened. Your ocd is tricking you telling you something happened with a WHAT IF situation. What if’s are usually lies made up by our mind

Username: m1ch3ll3m1ch3ll3

Date posted: 49w ago

@izabela’socd Omg thank you because all of my doubts start with „what if…“ like, just now it made up another „reason I could’ve done this“, like it keeps changing 😭💀

Username: m1ch3ll3m1ch3ll3

Date posted: 49w ago

@izabela’socd Thank you, for the past few days I’ve been wanting to just write it down and come back to it in a month or so when I’m rid of this and then judge over it like judge Judy

Username: izabela’socdizabela’socd

Date posted: 49w ago

@m1ch3ll3 You have support here on NOCD and we have a support group I can add you to on Snapchat with people who can help if you like?

Username: LillyXLillyX

Date posted: 49w ago

Trying to puzzle it together through evidence really doesn’t help. I did this and ended up in a worse of situation with details all jumbled not knowing what’s real and false. Better off letting it go tbh.

Username: ofcourseOliviaofcourseOlivia

Date posted: 49w ago

i'm really sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed by this false memory ocd spiral. it sounds incredibly exhausting to deal with those intrusive thoughts and the uncertainty they create. remember, it's okay to feel unsettled; you're working through a tough moment. 💛 by the way, have you heard about this new ai-powered ocd therapy tool called 'unstuck'? when i was struggling like you, my nocd therapist suggested 'unstuck' (unstuckmyocd.com/try) and it was a game-changer. i think it'll be especially helpful for you because it offers that personalized step-by-step support to guide you through these tough moments, just like an ocd therapist would. i hate when people promote stuff, but i really think it can help you because it's changed my life. lmk if you have qs or just want to talk more! <3

Username: letsgo

Date posted: 5y ago

TW!! POCD Please help. I’ve been doing decent lately but just need support on something that has kept me stuck. I can’t tell if this is a real memory or not, but I’m pretty sure it is. Maybe distorted. But feels so real. And I’m terrified. Last year before my huge OCD spike. So before I even knew I had OCD. I remember being around kids at work, and this girl in a skirt was on a climber on the playground and I remember looking up and you could see her underwear. I remember staring for a minute, and it was kind of like a car accident, I couldn’t look away. I remember finally coming to my senses and saying I wonder what people would think if they knew I was doing this. After that, I completely forgot about it until my spike in October and I’ve been living in a prison of regret and guilt ever since. I sometimes see that child at work still and I get a rush of anxiety and guilt. I just don’t know how to move pass this, for this reason it gives my OCD proof that I am what I fear so much. Is it possible that I was experiencing intrusive thoughts then and just didn’t care enough or realize it. I’m so broken from this. I hate what I’m going through. I hate myself if this memory is real.

POCD

Username: myocdstory

Date posted: 4y ago

"pOCD and zOCD false memories" I'm so sorry for venting... I need help... Or just someone to lend me an ear. I'm suffering from really serious, really bad false memories that are not only illegal but also make me feel like a monster. Basically, my false memories are extended to these two topics only and are always of a sexual nature. 1. That I used my pets as tools to obtain sexual gratification. (and or touched them) 2. That I touched a child (during an actual real event) inappropriately. I don't have images for these false memories... It's more fears than anything else! I feel like I forgot about them or I'm just in denial. The 1st one comes from a situation where I masturb- near my cat. (she was in my bed but I can't recall where she was standing). There's also another situation that I have also masturb- near my dog but in this case, she wasn't near me. Just in the same room as me, in separate beds. The 2nd is from a real event where I played with this child in the pool. I can only remember one physical interaction that was giving her a piggyback ride. In conclusion, I'm so afraid these are real and if they are real, then I should be punished! I don't want to go to jail because I'm terrified of that place so the only option is to kill myself. I don't deserve to be happy or even alive...

Username: Eraseandrewind1

Date posted: 27w ago

Don't know what to believe

Hi! I've been dealing with something that really bothers me,I'm in therapy for it but I end up being sucked up in a loop of thinking about it all the time. I need help. Ok this is the story,I was having ocd thoughts like always " if u do this,this will happen,if you don't do this,ull attack someone" . That day I had a thought about my nephews,that I'll do something inappropriate with them,I was working in the house and I stopped a compulsion earlier and in that second my brain was like " omg what if something happend now" I continued my work yet was like "did something happen? Maybe I went to their house" lol after a while I was analyzing the thought like " what if I do that,would I feel guilty?" I didn't freak out,nothing,that surprised me. Then I feelt like ,wait what if I really do it,what if I snap?like an urge. If I think about it does it mean I will do it cuz I didn't have any negative feelings about it at that time. I started to ruminate and ask myself "what if I test myself and start the car and go to their house to see what I will do" .."I would probably just turn around or say hi but be in total panick and at the end I wouldn't even believe myself if I didn't do anything. I tested myself with the thoughts. And I got such anxiety rush afterwards while I was working in the house as if I might snap and had to be sure that I'm in the moment and remember everything. When I got to the house of my brother,I had anxiety but I didn't fight it,I thought, ah ill feel it,just continue walking,my mind was like trying to endure it and not analize the feelings,I remember I sit on the couch,we were talking,I went up and waited for my sister to get out of the bathroom and I tought to myself " now that I'm in the house,I could go to the kids room but I wont" .like I was analyzing that now that I'm near I wouldn't do it. But damn when I woke up,I feelt horrible, like I really did something, my kind feelt like it has a blockage,and I feelt horrible and guilty until today,that I cannot tell my brain what really happend. I was analyzing my thoughts and testing in my mind how far I would go that i have no idea now what to believe. I'm doin EMDR now for that day,my question is,is ALL THAT OCD? I was afraid afterwards why I didn't feel disgust that day cuyz of my thoughts. And now I'm spiraling,is that also ocd? And what can I do to finally stop the doubt and be sure 100 that nothing happened. Hope someone can relate

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

False memory ocd

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community