Confusion about false memory OCD: Could fabricated memories actually be real?

False memory ocd

I read multiple articles on false memory ocd an now I’m confused. I actually thought that false memory ocd is marked by things that are actually completely fabricated by the brain. But I keep seeing things like „an event that may or may not have happened“, does this mean that it could actually be true? Are there any ways how to find out if what you’re going through is real if it’s an actual bad act? Because for me I have been completely focused on false memory ocd lately and while I was ruminating on another one, I suddenly got an image of sth even worse that could maybe be like 7 or 8 months ago. I never remembered this happening and for months I’ve been convinced I had never hurt anybody but then I got this image. I instantly also thought that this didn’t happen and that I would definitely remember if it had happened because it’s actually horrible and it’s not just something you would quickly do and then completely forget, it’s an actual entire act. And I never was close to that person. But I keep being like „but what if I listened to my intrusive thoughts? But I can’t remember doing that and I even have posts on here from around that time saying I was too afraid of that person and that I would never ever listen to my intrusive thoughts… but what if I tried to get rid of my ocd theme by doing this? Nah that’s not what I would do and I know that… I’ve never done any harmful things just to get rid of this theme this is stupid“ etc etc. Like I keep fearing I might’ve done this and done it for various reasons. But I can’t actually remember doing it. All those scenarios feel like they’re just imaginations. But I can’t let go of it. And usually for memories it’s that with time you start to be able to puzzle it all together trough evidence and u don’t forget bad things you’ve done. For example, I know that like a year ago I pushed my sister while I was having an argument with her. I remember everything from then because in my entire life I’ve barely ever done anything to others and so I usually remember those events almost 100% perfectly. I also remember sth from almost 10 years ago in which I called one of my friends (and ik this is bad, that’s why I remember it) fat. I lost a few details but I still remember what exactly I did and that the exact same day I called the parents and apologised bc I felt bad. But for this scenario, I’ve been ruminating on it for TWENTY days and I’m still in the doubting stage. I have spent hours ruminating by now and I still don’t have any actual memories back, just things like „but what if I was mad and then just did this and instantly forgot about it?“ and all this. But not an actual full scenario of me doing this even though it could only be a few months away. Idk what To do, I can’t continue living with the uncertainty. If it’s real, then I won’t even continue living. People like these are terrible and disgusting and don’t deserve living and everybody can agree on that.

Username: izabela’socdizabela’socd

Date posted: 44w ago

I am going through this exact thing. I have events in my head THAT I CAN PICTURE AND THAT FEEL SO REAL THAT I THINK THEY ARE REAL BUT IM NOT SURE. I hate living with the uncertainty and I try to ruminate or go back into my brain and “figure it out”. When I tell you I’m dealing with the exact same thing, I mean it. I have events in my head that I think I’ve done but I’m not sure if my brain is fabricating it. The best thing to do is to try your best to forget about it, forget about the event and eventually the logic will come back to you. Or try radical acceptance. Accept that this thing might have happened or might have NOT, most likely it didn’t happen but you’ll never know and try your hardest to live with not knowing. I have a group chat on Snapchat of ocd girls and guys struggling with ocd, I can add you to it if you like?

Username: m1ch3ll3m1ch3ll3

Date posted: 44w ago

@izabela’socd The thing is that it’s actually terrible and even illegal, that’s why living with this is really difficult being constantly under the uncertainty of probably being terrible. Will letting go of it actually get the sense of knowing that it hadn’t happened get back into my brain? Because I know that for two days straight before I got this one, I was ruminating on other false memories and whenever the theme then switched I suddenly knew for sure that it hadn’t happened

Username: m1ch3ll3m1ch3ll3

Date posted: 44w ago

@izabela’socd And for me it’s the thing that they don’t actually feel real, they are too terrible to be sth that I’d do. I can’t even hurt a fly irl without feeling terrible, I could never do this and then just forget it ENTIRELY. I feel like this is just my imagination but I keep being like „but what if? What if I actually just forgot abt this? What if it was some kinda repressed memory? But wouldn’t I actually remember this? I mean I was old enough to know what’s wrong and what isn’t and it’s only a few months away…“

Username: izabela’socdizabela’socd

Date posted: 44w ago

@m1ch3ll3 @m1ch3ll3 Letting it go might give a sense of knowing it hadn’t happened. I know for me when I have a false memory, if I let it go, the logic will come back to me. And I know exactly how you feel with it being illegal and actually terrible, I have false memories of raping people and this kills me to my very core. This hurts me to my very core. So living with the uncertainty feels like a stab wound to me.

Username: izabela’socdizabela’socd

Date posted: 44w ago

@m1ch3ll3 And if it feels not real then it probably isn’t, exacrly you wouldn’t hurt a fly do you see how the logic with ocd is irrational. This is because it never happened. Your ocd is tricking you telling you something happened with a WHAT IF situation. What if’s are usually lies made up by our mind

Username: m1ch3ll3m1ch3ll3

Date posted: 44w ago

@izabela’socd Omg thank you because all of my doubts start with „what if…“ like, just now it made up another „reason I could’ve done this“, like it keeps changing 😭💀

Username: m1ch3ll3m1ch3ll3

Date posted: 44w ago

@izabela’socd Thank you, for the past few days I’ve been wanting to just write it down and come back to it in a month or so when I’m rid of this and then judge over it like judge Judy

Username: izabela’socdizabela’socd

Date posted: 44w ago

@m1ch3ll3 You have support here on NOCD and we have a support group I can add you to on Snapchat with people who can help if you like?

Username: LillyXLillyX

Date posted: 44w ago

Trying to puzzle it together through evidence really doesn’t help. I did this and ended up in a worse of situation with details all jumbled not knowing what’s real and false. Better off letting it go tbh.

Username: ofcourseOliviaofcourseOlivia

Date posted: 44w ago

i'm really sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed by this false memory ocd spiral. it sounds incredibly exhausting to deal with those intrusive thoughts and the uncertainty they create. remember, it's okay to feel unsettled; you're working through a tough moment. 💛 by the way, have you heard about this new ai-powered ocd therapy tool called 'unstuck'? when i was struggling like you, my nocd therapist suggested 'unstuck' (unstuckmyocd.com/try) and it was a game-changer. i think it'll be especially helpful for you because it offers that personalized step-by-step support to guide you through these tough moments, just like an ocd therapist would. i hate when people promote stuff, but i really think it can help you because it's changed my life. lmk if you have qs or just want to talk more! <3

Username: Maureen

Date posted: 5y ago

How do you know it's a false memory/OCD and not something that actually happened? I feel like a terrible person. I'm a very creative person, and the more I stress about whether I did this bad thing the more it seems real. The worst part is is that I have no way of reassurance without sounding crazy. I have ROCD and I randomly started obsessing over the 7 months of our relationship whether or not I've cheated on him. Even though I love him more than anything and I would never do that! I'm constantly triggered by coworkers or classmates that I've previously found attractive or liked and/or I know they've liked me or flirted with me. I'm at the point now where I'm rereading simple texts/straightforward texts of these people asking me about school work or if I could cover a shift trying to find proof of something I can't remember. My partner knows about my OCD and is very understanding and supportive. I feel like I'm living a lie. When this first started my rational brain knew this wasn't real, but the more I become obsessed the more it becomes more distorted. I feel guilty for being happy. I just want to be guaranteed it's not real so I can move on with my life. It's moving to specific people now and it's scaring me how real it feels.

Username: bumblebee_bu...

Date posted: 2y ago

Help Please :(

I keep oscillating between telling myself that a faint memory could’ve been true since it popped into my head in a moment of distress and it was the first immediate memory I had so therefore it must’ve happened, and that I’m just in denial and trying to make it OCD so I can live with the fact that it “might not have happened”. I’m so scared that it did happen and that I’m relying on the fact that I didn’t remember the specifics so that I can have the possibility of it not happening. It’s not something I condone today nor does it reflect who I am nor does it seem like something I would do, but if so, why did it feel so familiar ? I have evidence that my memory is really distorted at times and it combines things and I was in a state of such panic that I might’ve just compiled memories together that is the worse scenario (since it’s something I’m so afraid of happening). But then I keep getting scared that I’m just in denial because I feel a faint familiarity to certain things. I’m honestly so panicked and sad and heartbroken. I keep fearing I did something wrong and faint memories would pop into my head and I would question when it happened and try to remember everything and it would anger me that I couldn’t remember everything. And it feels so wrong for me to just live with the fact that something could’ve happened even though it’s not reflective of who I am today. It feels immoral to not confess. I just want words of comfort and understanding and I just need to know I have hope for the future and I can be happy. Please help.

Real Events OCD

Username: worrywart_

Date posted: 1y ago

How my false memory became even more terrifying

I am drowning in my mind and I need some outside perspective or even just someone who may relate a little. I’ve already made a post about some of my story involving false memory ocd, but I figured I would come on here and share what has “reawakened” the issue for the past two years. I had laid off of worrying over my false memory for a few years, but it all started up again with me double checking that no crime/murder/etc had taken place in my town around the time I was struggling with harm ocd. Well, it quickly took a turn when I found an article about a “suspicious” death that had occurred around that time. According to the article, this death was eventually labeled as no foul play (aka not murder). But I still obsessed over this because of how real my worry had felt in the past that I somehow had left my house, hurt/killed someone, came back home and forgot. I searched through all of my activity history (Google, YouTube, Facebook) from around that time. I found a large gap in my Facebook activity (like several days of no activity) which was around the same time during the month the man had died. That only skyrocketed my worries even though I knew I had been struggling which may have been the reason why my activity had gaps (the previous month had a similar one as well). But nope, I continued obsessing and panicking because guess what? My YouTube activity from the weekend prior to when the man was found dead has weird activity (the history shows a gap in between 7pm - 4am on that Saturday). I tried finding a similar gap in the months surrounding, but could only find one that was sort of similar (7pm - 2am). So this led me to come up with the idea that I must have done “it” that night. Keep in mind, I would’ve been a scrawny 14 yr old girl at the time, and I don’t even know what I would’ve done or even could’ve done. That’s all to say — it just feels like my life is some huge lie and that all my fears are true. I don’t want to hurt anybody, and I know that younger me probably didn’t want to either, but how can I ignore what feels like actual proof that I’m a monster? It’s not like my false memories didn’t feel real either, so I can’t even shrug it off at all. I never see anyone have “proof” that their false memory is true, and in fact it’s usually people saying they have proof that it’s not. I’m just so lost, and I feel like I’m just lying to myself despite having been told by multiple therapists that this is just OCD.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Confusion about false memory OCD: Could fabricated memories actually be real?

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community