Really struggling to not think I’m a bad person. Part of me is rational, but I keep going back. I don’t know what to do. How to keep functioning like this.

I like to think of the thoughts of being a bad person as a literal sperate entity from myself. I also like to remember that the only thing that is real is an incorrect reaction to completely normal human thoughts and processes. You are not a bad person, if you were you wouldn't be making these considerations

That’s the problem! I can’t remember if I did something. I’m almost 99.9% sure but somethings nagging me

I totally understand I'm suffering from the same thing right now. But it helps me to remember that obsessing over minute details is a cognitive distortion not a reality. I'm sorry :(

Same here, we have to go with our guts. I know the feeling. It's so fucking exhausting. But remember it's just a reaction, that what I'm trying to remind myself right now.

Hey ! The fact that the idea of being a bad person unsettles you tells me a lot. It shows that you clearly care about being a good person and that’s one of best qualities for one to have. As hard as it is , I would say that it is best to stop engaging with the thoughts. Tell yourself “ so what if I’m a bad person ? I won’t let it define me. I make mistakes but I try to be the very best person I can be “ .

Thank you Andrew. I'm trying very hard. The thoughts keep going around in my head and I'm trying all the CBT techniques I learned in therapy but the fear is over taking me. I appreciate your response and your thoughtfulness so much!

Keep on working through it !! The thing about OCD is how hard it is to see hope in the moment that you’re struggling , but once things start to get better , you learn that the difficult times ( as horrible as they were ) strengthened you more than anything else ever could. That’s so important to realize , always here for you too. ❤️

That voice is so powerful, isn't it? It scares the crap out of me. Why can't the good voice and the voice of God, who forgives us everything be theore powerful voice?

@hestia I totally get that. I think the best thing to do would be to accept the possibility , but say that it doesn’t define you and just go about your day :)

I too am suffering from the same thing. I'm going over and over the event in my head. My gut tells me nothing happened but the uncertainty is terrifying. My only consolation is that I've gotten through this before so I will again. Not sure how long I can go on like this...

Honestly, it’s so difficult. The amount of adrenaline that has been going through me since yesterday has felt extremely toxic. What’s hard is that it’s all coming in waves. Like I know my ethics and I know that I’ve felt frustrated at work before, but my brain will say, “Maybe you DID mean to step on the client’s foot, you’re an abusive person.” Because I know that when it did happen, I knew there was a possibility I might step on their foot with them trying to jump on me and push me around, but since I felt angry while this was happening, my mind tells me, “Well you felt angry when you ‘accidentally’ did this, so it really must have been on purpose.” Everything just feels so real, like my mind is replaying yesterday in vivid detail, though my rational part says I would have known for certain if I was doing it to be spiteful. I just feel it’s all over. I know I’ve thought it’s all over before, but now it really feels like it is. I just keep trying to replay yesterday over and over to make sure I knew exactly what I was thinking and doing. In reality I was being pulled by the client around my shoulders and I stepped back. But nope, there’s that other part of me that won’t let it go. I can’t let it go. I just want to cry, I’m so exhausted and withdrawn. It’s going to take everything I have to just function for today. I hate this ?

I really hate hearing that you’re struggling, I’m so sorry. See this kind of thing is very difficult to deal with when it comes to OCD. You find yourself constantly replaying small moments over and over to analyze them. The fact that you care to really analyze accidentally stepping on the person’s foot shows that the idea of it being done on purpose is foreign to you. It clearly doesn’t align with who you are. There’s always a possibility of something happening, and you realized that like anyone would. Sometimes our minds highlight the worst case scenarios not because we like them or plan on going with them, but because they stand out by default. Even if you knew it was going to happen, ( not saying you did, just making a point :) ) we all have moments where we act rude or in a manner we usually don’t. Sometimes we let our anger/emotions get the best of us, and you gotta remind yourself that it’s okay. Accept the possibility that it was on purpose, so the fear doesn’t hold power over you anymore. It will be hard , but you can do it. Also, having OCD means it’s more likely for someone to have an emotion they don’t want while doing something. Intrusive thoughts come about at the worst times.

Yeah I understand. Thank you for explaining. What I hate about possibly accepting the possibility is then I feel like an imposter going back into work. I know it’s just an ACT exercise, but there’s that dumb voice in the back of my head nagging me, saying I’m a hypocrite.