This is the first time ever i have had a same sex dream i mean i had tried fantasizing about same sex relationship just to check myself in the past but i don't think i ever had same sex dreams BUT the weird thing is after i woke up and tried remembering the dream, I liked the dream. I just liked it.. I don't know if i liked myself in that relationship and would want to experience myself in such relationship or just because the story was kind of sweet. And the fact that i liked is giving me a headache and i cannot stop thinking about it

I have discussed in online clinic forums and they said it's hocd and came across this app but i have never went to a therapist. I tried sharing it with my mom once but after what she said i don't think i can freely discuss these things with my parents. Anything regarding lgbt is anyway not talked about that openly in India. Just suffering alone. The only person i share is with my bestfriend. I even stopped meeting her when i first started having these thoughts . I wad scared of getting attracted to her. Nowdays i don't have anxieties but i cannot concentrate on my work. I just scroll down youtube watching stuffs to keep my mind distracted. I will anyway have to workout on my own

Thankyou ?

The point is not the dream. The point is why did i like the dream instead of being disgusted by it. But thank you cause hearing that there are people who are there for you and rooting for you gives you a sense of relief

Well you said she looked exactly like a guy , maybe that’s why you felt attracted to her , BECAUSE she had male characteristics. And watching someone sneakily doesn’t mean you’re attracted to them , it means you find them attractive. Big difference there. This was a long time ago so how do you know for sure it was a crush ? How do you know you weren’t just insecure at the time ? How do you know that your OCD isn’t changing the actual situation to make it more in line with your fears ? You can’t be sure , and even if you did have a crush on them , so what ? It wouldn’t matter at all , we all have crushes at some point. Now if you’re upset because it was the same gender , you were younger and sometimes things change when you get older. Maybe you were jealous of them at the time or something. Really it could be anything , but try your best to accept that you don’t know and you’ll never know for sure , but that you can be happy and be more than fine with that uncertainty. Hoped this helped. :)

@prakriti I know it’s very hard to stop focusing on those specific moments you remember for some reason in the past. It truly is horrible. So what if it did mean something ? We can’t know whether it did or did not. What if ( not saying you or are not ) you were lesbian ?? You could still find someone and have a happy life with them ! And you could learn to accept yourself too. You have to make the fear less scary , that’s what is going to weaken the hold of HOCD.

Thank you for the support. I don't know if i should share but me and my ex took a break from each other as my parents were against our relationship and decided to settle our career first and meet again and convince my and his family but then all these happened and am afraid to go back to him thinking that i won't be true to him. I remember how much i wanted to be with him as i even went against my family and now i tear up thinking about it! I was also an lgbt supporter but now hearing the word lgbt makes me uncomfortable. Thankyou again

The dream could also simply mean that you are trying to reconnect with your feminine part (people in dreams can represent some parts of the dreamer)

Here’s the thing ... you stated that you tried fantasizing about being in a same sex relationship to see how it made you feel. That could be why you had the dream. Dreams are not reality and they don’t always reflect who you are. The other thing is , it’s difficult to say what the dream actually meant. It doesn’t necessarily mean you wanna be in a relationship w the same sex !! Maybe you liked the fact that the person was attracted to you ( has zero to do with sexuality ) , maybe , as the other person said , it represents wanting to get more in touch with another part of who you are. Maybe it means longing for a female friend to share moments with , maybe it symbolizes wanting to have another female figure/role model in your life. The point is, a dream can be interpreted in MANY different ways, and considering how this makes you anxious, to me that is very telling. You had to constantly check yourself in the past , that’s a sign of OCD right there. Not saying you have it for sure , since I’m not a therapist , but that’s definitely something people with OCD do. I would say that you should work towards not rejecting your fears, but asking yourself why they’re so bad to you. You should try to accept them and not engage with your compulsions. Easier said than done , trust me I know. Are you seeing a therapist ? I think that it would help a lot. Cognitive behavioral therapy would also be great because it helps you change your relationship with thoughts. It can be expensive but your recovery is more important than any amount of money. Know that you matter and I’m rooting for you ❤️

Well if you ever need anything just know I’m here for you. I may not know you personally but I do care and I want the very best for you ❤️ do you know of any places within India that can treat OCD, like cognitive behavioral therapy centers?? They can be very effective. I wouldn’t search forums too much because that can become a compulsion in and of itself. I think this app is great because you can communicate with people who know OCD and understand and accept you. Also, I wouldn’t let your fears get in between your friendship. Think of your OCD as a negative person and tell yourself that you aren’t gonna let them have power over you. Don’t let them win, but also be okay with any time you do let it get to you and just try harder next time.

Try not to let that be important to you as difficult as it is. Like I said , there could be so many reasons why you liked it. But your best bet is accepting the possibility that you liked it for the reason that you’re most afraid of , so it loses its significance to you

Trying. It's tuff! Sometimes i feel as if i have always been a lesbian because one in my school life i did have girl crushes . I was in an all girls school and their was a girl, She looked exactly like a guy. I used to go and watch her in the break time sneakily. But i don't remember having fantasies about any of the girls. I don't know what kind of crush it was but i did not fantasize about any of the girls.I was also in a relationship with a guy for 6 years. I may be bisexual but my brain is not even accepting that cause when i first kissed the guy considering my first kiss not even kiss specifically a peck was 2 years after being in a relationship with him and apart from him i have no other experience and this is making me think that i don't like kissing guys and i am questioning myself even more. I only know that i had fantasies about men but that is not enough to prove i am straight

My heart fluttered watching her then.. That is why i said i don't know what kind of attraction it was but the only thing i am sure is i don't remember myself having same sex fantasies. Also now when i think about it and try analsing the situation i have headaches. I guess you are right there are things you can never be sure of. I should be happy regardless. Thankyou again

You are or are not **