- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I have discussed in online clinic forums and they said it's hocd and came across this app but i have never went to a therapist. I tried sharing it with my mom once but after what she said i don't think i can freely discuss these things with my parents. Anything regarding lgbt is anyway not talked about that openly in India. Just suffering alone. The only person i share is with my bestfriend. I even stopped meeting her when i first started having these thoughts . I wad scared of getting attracted to her. Nowdays i don't have anxieties but i cannot concentrate on my work. I just scroll down youtube watching stuffs to keep my mind distracted. I will anyway have to workout on my own
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thankyou ?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
The point is not the dream. The point is why did i like the dream instead of being disgusted by it. But thank you cause hearing that there are people who are there for you and rooting for you gives you a sense of relief
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Well you said she looked exactly like a guy , maybe that’s why you felt attracted to her , BECAUSE she had male characteristics. And watching someone sneakily doesn’t mean you’re attracted to them , it means you find them attractive. Big difference there. This was a long time ago so how do you know for sure it was a crush ? How do you know you weren’t just insecure at the time ? How do you know that your OCD isn’t changing the actual situation to make it more in line with your fears ? You can’t be sure , and even if you did have a crush on them , so what ? It wouldn’t matter at all , we all have crushes at some point. Now if you’re upset because it was the same gender , you were younger and sometimes things change when you get older. Maybe you were jealous of them at the time or something. Really it could be anything , but try your best to accept that you don’t know and you’ll never know for sure , but that you can be happy and be more than fine with that uncertainty. Hoped this helped. :)
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@prakriti I know it’s very hard to stop focusing on those specific moments you remember for some reason in the past. It truly is horrible. So what if it did mean something ? We can’t know whether it did or did not. What if ( not saying you or are not ) you were lesbian ?? You could still find someone and have a happy life with them ! And you could learn to accept yourself too. You have to make the fear less scary , that’s what is going to weaken the hold of HOCD.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you for the support. I don't know if i should share but me and my ex took a break from each other as my parents were against our relationship and decided to settle our career first and meet again and convince my and his family but then all these happened and am afraid to go back to him thinking that i won't be true to him. I remember how much i wanted to be with him as i even went against my family and now i tear up thinking about it! I was also an lgbt supporter but now hearing the word lgbt makes me uncomfortable. Thankyou again
- Date posted
- 5y ago
The dream could also simply mean that you are trying to reconnect with your feminine part (people in dreams can represent some parts of the dreamer)
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Here’s the thing ... you stated that you tried fantasizing about being in a same sex relationship to see how it made you feel. That could be why you had the dream. Dreams are not reality and they don’t always reflect who you are. The other thing is , it’s difficult to say what the dream actually meant. It doesn’t necessarily mean you wanna be in a relationship w the same sex !! Maybe you liked the fact that the person was attracted to you ( has zero to do with sexuality ) , maybe , as the other person said , it represents wanting to get more in touch with another part of who you are. Maybe it means longing for a female friend to share moments with , maybe it symbolizes wanting to have another female figure/role model in your life. The point is, a dream can be interpreted in MANY different ways, and considering how this makes you anxious, to me that is very telling. You had to constantly check yourself in the past , that’s a sign of OCD right there. Not saying you have it for sure , since I’m not a therapist , but that’s definitely something people with OCD do. I would say that you should work towards not rejecting your fears, but asking yourself why they’re so bad to you. You should try to accept them and not engage with your compulsions. Easier said than done , trust me I know. Are you seeing a therapist ? I think that it would help a lot. Cognitive behavioral therapy would also be great because it helps you change your relationship with thoughts. It can be expensive but your recovery is more important than any amount of money. Know that you matter and I’m rooting for you ❤️
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Well if you ever need anything just know I’m here for you. I may not know you personally but I do care and I want the very best for you ❤️ do you know of any places within India that can treat OCD, like cognitive behavioral therapy centers?? They can be very effective. I wouldn’t search forums too much because that can become a compulsion in and of itself. I think this app is great because you can communicate with people who know OCD and understand and accept you. Also, I wouldn’t let your fears get in between your friendship. Think of your OCD as a negative person and tell yourself that you aren’t gonna let them have power over you. Don’t let them win, but also be okay with any time you do let it get to you and just try harder next time.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Try not to let that be important to you as difficult as it is. Like I said , there could be so many reasons why you liked it. But your best bet is accepting the possibility that you liked it for the reason that you’re most afraid of , so it loses its significance to you
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Trying. It's tuff! Sometimes i feel as if i have always been a lesbian because one in my school life i did have girl crushes . I was in an all girls school and their was a girl, She looked exactly like a guy. I used to go and watch her in the break time sneakily. But i don't remember having fantasies about any of the girls. I don't know what kind of crush it was but i did not fantasize about any of the girls.I was also in a relationship with a guy for 6 years. I may be bisexual but my brain is not even accepting that cause when i first kissed the guy considering my first kiss not even kiss specifically a peck was 2 years after being in a relationship with him and apart from him i have no other experience and this is making me think that i don't like kissing guys and i am questioning myself even more. I only know that i had fantasies about men but that is not enough to prove i am straight
- Date posted
- 5y ago
My heart fluttered watching her then.. That is why i said i don't know what kind of attraction it was but the only thing i am sure is i don't remember myself having same sex fantasies. Also now when i think about it and try analsing the situation i have headaches. I guess you are right there are things you can never be sure of. I should be happy regardless. Thankyou again
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y ago
You are or are not **
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
- Students with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- OCD newbies
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 11w ago
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- OCD newbies
- Students with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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