18+ Addiction

This is the one thing I haven't told my family about and I don't know how to break it to them. I've been addicted to sex and pornography since I was a pre teen. It was when high school started that it interfered with my life. To this day it's all a problem. Intrusive thoughts about videos I've watched, intrusive thoughts about sexual acts that are regrettable and disgusting, and constantly worrying that I'm going to slip into my old habits, which one way or another is just me delaying the inevitable. In adulthood, it's been affecting me in different ways that haven't happened in my teen years. If I relapse to it late at night, I won't be able to sleep right for at most 2 days. Insomnia has been a reoccurring problem no thanks to this, stress, and OCD. I think it's also affected my fertility greatly. I'm still working on seeing a doctor about all of my health concerns. Truthfully I just want this to stop. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I don't want to keep watching out for triggers, have intrusive thoughts about anything sexual, or remember very unfortunate things I've seen in the past. There's a woman that I really do like genuinely for who she is. She's been on my mind for a long time now and I really do wish to get to know her more, but this awful addiction that I've been dealing with for almost a year now holds me back. This was never something I liked having in my life. Even as a teenager, I knew something was wrong. I had a hunch that this wasn't something that I should be okay. Through all the hijacked dopamine and changes in my mind, that was always on the other end of the spectrum for me.

drak4

Date posted: 1y

I hope you will heal...it is a journey...first you should seek forgivness for yourself and have self compassion

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

That's the one thing I get told to do is be compassionate. You and others are right about that though. I should be compassionate but it's really hard. I blame myself for this a lot. Even though I didn't know what was happening at such a young age. I guess I blame myself for struggling with it at all. Now I fear I'm going to get a bad health condition because of this

drak4

Date posted: 1y

@BigGyro09 you blame yourself for struggling at all ... because you pressuposse people do not struggle with this...but lot of people secretly struggle with this, even a people you look up to... having struggle with this do not touch core of your being...inside you are still you... somewhere in core is a person you love to be ... these troughts and addictions are not eternal ... you can be healed, have hope

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

@drak4 That does help. Thank you. I've talked with people that struggle with this in their own ways. It's just hard to not feel like I'm all alone in it. I just have to remember that I'm not. Seriously, thanks.

drak4

Date posted: 1y

@BigGyro09 Do you have genuine human connection offline in your life? It can help

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

@drak4 I do for sure. It helps. But when I'm alone I'm reminded of it all

drak4

Date posted: 1y

@BigGyro09 I hope it will be better.

Anonymous

Date posted: 19w

Masterbation OCD/real event OCD

I'm 17 years old I struggle with addiction I have a problem when I masterbate I have intrusive thoughts idk if I think them I'm so scared also back then I know when I was younger I looked at obscure things hentai all that my idk what to do even I feel like I'm a monster or im a bad person I need help I feel so distraught I feel like I can't live life to the fullest anymore even from last year I looked at content that was animated but it had a character in it that was underage I felt so ashamed and felt like a monster I had a compulsion to check it only to find out they are not around my age range idk what to do I probably sound like a freak I'm sorry I'm always trying to replay my memory and try to remember my intention and what I was doing how I come across how I was doing a action yk all that

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Thinking u did something u not sure if u did

Hey guys I just wanted to talk about something I was feeling I feel so trapped and terrible I have a bad pornography addiction even back then idk what to do I'm 17 years old but basically I looked at some very obscure things on the Internet ranging from hentai or just even more messed up things when I was younger I think maybe early teens I remember randomly just started remembering things I saw now I do not remember if I acted on them or jerked off to them idk what to do I feel so ashamed trapped I feel like I can't enjoy life anymore for what I've done I been introduced to porn when I was young idk what to do I seem alot back then some memories pop certain ones I don't remember if I had pleasured myself to it it feels like I did I have so much shame if I did but idk what to do

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w

Intentional intrusive thoughts during pleasure and masterbation

Hey guys today I just wanted to come here and share an experience I have and I generally don't know what to do I feel like a terrible person for having these thoughts and for thinking them I genuinely don't know what to do I don't know the signs behind it and why I think the way I do but it's honestly driving me crazy I don't know what to do I have a pornography addiction for a long time it's where it's like anytime I'm an intimate moment or am masturbating my head just thinks these weird things always the same repetitive thoughts to of family members your younger sibling or a young child I myself am a 17 year old and I feel so disgusted I feel like I can't live my life anymore I feel like I'm a criminal cuz like it feels like I chose this these thoughts like I actively think them I don't know the signs behind it and I just really need professional help if there's any like therapist here that could fill me in that would be nice I would also like to know if you guys had any similar experiences because for me I feel like I have to rewatch pornography and do it right without the thoughts cuz I feel like the thoughts are just like to prevalent anytime I do anything related to masturbation why do I think this way I'm also just trying to be as honest as I can with this I'm not trying to make myself I guess a victim I'm trying to hold myself accountable if I actually am like this because I also have doubts in my head that tells me that I enjoy these things I feel like I'm going crazy someone help because it feels so real like I acted on them or that I was pleasuring myself to the thoughts and not towards the video it's just how can I live with myself you know also during it it felt like I was thinking the thought for a long period of time like it was dominating my head so I couldn't focus it felt l

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18+ Addiction

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