im just questioning my ocd and myself as per usual. i just wish i could taste life again. i think i forgot who i am and how to live. every time i have a moment of peace, it's destroyed by remembering my ocd. "this is not normal, why am i feeling okay? what if it's bad? what if-?" or some shit like that. i dont like this and i dunno what to do about it anymore. oh well.
I am experiencing the same thing right now. It’s so confusing. This is usually from identity-related themes. Trying to figure out what to do about it too. Every time I try to explain myself, I feel like I make no sense.
@Blessed&Obsessed so true
I go through this from time to time. Almost like I am hyper aware of myself, surroundings, reality etc. and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable and I feel almost out of control, trapped, and confused. Like a spiral of questions and catastrophizing. It’s hard to explain because it doesn’t make sense. In one sense you feel like you nothing makes sense and everyone around you is just floating around like a robot on autopilot or brain dead. It’s an isolating feeling.
It might be helpful to notice that this too is OCD… trying to suck you right back in. I’ve started reading a book that I think will be very helpful in adjunct with erp therapy, it’s called “Get Out of your Mind and Into Your Life” it’s written by Steven Hayes the cofounder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Anyhow, I think ACT is extremely helpful for those of us with OCD, especially the pure O type stuff. I hope this helps!
@Baybay1818❤️ thank you
I know any reassurance I get does not satisfy, it keeps coming back. Even if I think I have an answer, even if the answer is that I don’t have the answers and that’s okay, it does not last. The ocd will find a way to come back and make me question. But I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD still, I have gone through an eating disorder and severe malnourishment... and chemo. So I wouldn’t be surprised if my brain is just tired, exhausted, and trying to repair itself and my entire body. But even before all of that, I struggled with my brain. Someone would turn on a light switch, and my mind would be thrown completely off and I’d panic, if someone opened a door, my mind was thrown off, the color of the sky didn’t feel right, something didn’t feel right. And I spent hours to full days being thrown off and wondering why. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. And still to this day I don’t understand. I do not know if it’s OCD. My mind feels broken. I can’t concentrate and I can’t seem to focus on anything without feeling like I’m missing something and I have to figure something out and something is wrong. Not sure what the purpose of my writing this is, I guess I’m just processing some. If anyone has any thoughts, I’d love to hear:)
Currently crying right now after my shift at work. OCD is transitioning myself into someone I don’t want to be, yet I’m afraid to not have it in my life because when things are feeling okay, it doesn’t feel right, even when I should crave it more than anything. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel life won’t go my way or I don’t see myself being in a good place. I just see myself losing everything I love and care about because either ocd has caused me to distance myself from those things or others just decide to separate themselves from me. At the end of the day, I’m going to end up alone and miserable, and I don’t know why I’m okay with that, but I am. I’m so frustrated with myself and conflicted. Fuck this. I have so much more life ahead of me and I fucken feel stuck and crippled bc of ocd. A 21 year old shouldn’t have to go through this. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANYTHING NEGATIVE OR HARMFUL. I’m tired of all the bad. I want more good… I want to be better… I want to be me again. I want to love life, others and myself again.
the obsession got so bad that i just cant tell if i am still ocd or just accepting my fate and becoming what i fear most. i cant tell whats going on anymore. im numb, i dont feel like this is a dire situation for my morals anymore, im just so apathetic now. i dont even know what im feeling, if i want these things or not, i dont know
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