I hate my HOCD. I'm tired of my loss of aesthetic attraction to women. If I understood correctly what I was told here, it's because I want it to come back so much that it does not come back, but no matter how hard I try not to care, not to think about it anymore, but nothing comes back. Sometimes I just want to die tbh...

@7rug You fear being gay because you aren’t. Your attraction to women hasn’t disappeared , it’s numbed our I guess you could say. That’s what OCD does to someone. You’re exactly who you were before all this shit started going down , but you have to accept that even if you weren’t straight , it wouldn’t ruin your life. You could still have fun and create valuable moments and do everything you would normally wanna do in life.

See the thing is you’re banking a lot on finding somebody , that’s why it’s not coming to you. You gotta let it come back on it’s own , I’m sure it will. The other thing you could do is set even more goals in life , more than just finding the right woman for you. That’s not a bad one by any means and ofc you want that , but maybe try to think of other ones right now , and accept that even if you didn’t find anyone , you could still be the source of your own happiness and you could still find success. I’m not sure if you are , but if you are , try not to harp too much on wondering where the attraction went. Cause by doing that you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself

I know how you feel bro. You should ask yourself why you fear being gay. Because people who actually are do not usually feel bad about it , they feel worried about how others will react. If you ever need me just hmu , I can try my best to help you out ?

Ironically, my attraction to wopen has disappear when I understood I'm not and I won't be gay. Why was I afraid of being gay ? Because it would mean no longer being attracted to women, no longer loving them... My worst nightmare is coming true... :(

Knowing that the only thing I want in life is to find the woman of my life, this reasoning does not apply. But I'm no longer afraid to be gay, as sad above I realized that I wasn't and I will never be. I'm just afraid my attraction will not return as it was before. I'm in this state since more than a year and nothing has come back and, to top it all off, I have not been anxious at all for several months.

I hope it's because I'm putting pressure on myself. The more time passes, the more I feel like it will never come back, the more I want to go throw myself under a train (unfortunately, I'm too mentally stable to do that). The few goals I still want to achieve in life, apart from that, are goals that require me to concentrate, but with that, I can't concentrate. I always come back to thinking about that, to wondering why the attraction has gone, to hoping that the attraction will come back. I may be very stoic (I only consider two things serious except this HOCD: the loss of a loved one and illness, the rest can happen, I don't care) on all the other subjects in life, I can't imagine happiness without a woman. As for success... What I call success is happiness and happiness goes through the couple. If I don't find an attractive woman, I won't be interested in her as a potential partner, I won't fall in love, and if these two conditions aren't met, on my side, I won't want to get into a relationship.

What’s your confidence like. Are you proud of yourself for anything you’ve done so far ?? It could be anything. Try to come up with some things that you feel good about that you’ve done. And I know how it feels to want a girl in your life really bad , but it only seems perfect when aren’t in a relationship. Because if you were in one , it wouldn’t be perfect ( not saying it wouldn’t be a good one , just being realistic ) and you may have a completely different fear when in the relationship. You should try your best to focus on what drives you and maybe find some more hobbies that you could do alone , and maybe ask yourself what could be better about being single. Maybe come up with a list so you can at least feel okay with being single instead of being in a relationship. My best guess is that your attraction will return , but don’t bank on it because like I said , it’ll cause you to feel pressured. Tell yourself that it may come back , it may not. But stressing over it isn’t going to solve it. All the best bro , always here

My self-confidence is about average, I think. I'm not particularly proud of my life but I'm not ashamed of it either, I'm a banal person. I am very satisfied with what I have already done. I am aware that relationships are never perfect and have their share of problems. As for what motivates me... I've never really had any motivation, the few things I'm more or less motivated to do are things that require me to concentrate (programming for example), I come back to what I said earlier: I can't concentrate because of this OCD. I have no problem with being single right now, it's just that in the long run, I don't see myself single for life. Besides, I've always been someone who looked at women (it's probably stupid but it was a kind of hobby, a bit like people who like to look at landscapes), taking that away from me... I just feel like I've been taken away a part of myself, an important part. When I am told to tell myself that it might not come back and that it's okay, to me it's like telling a parent who has lost their child that it's okay... It's just unthinkable. Sometimes I try to say to myself "it won't come back", but at worst it doesn't bother me, at best it makes me want to die.

@7rug well you don’t know that it won’t come back. Like I said , there could be many reasons why it’s not as apparent to you. Could you find any hobbies that don’t require much concentration ? Like smaller things that can get you distracted ? Obviously you don’t wanna tell yourself that you need to get distracted because that makes it more difficult but sometimes you can forget about things for a little while. Do you talk to any therapist about all this ? I think that could help you out a lot

The only hobby that doesn't really require my concentration and distracts me enough is cinema, but I can't spend my day watching movies/series. As for the therapist, I was diagnosed by one of them, a so-called CBT practitioner who psychoanalyzed me more than anything else. I don't really have much money, so it's complicated, and where I live, there are not many CBT practitioners.