Eating

First post, new here. I’ve always thought that I have OCD since I was in 7th grade. I am 22 now and actively trying to take steps to treat it myself because I don’t have money for therapy and my parents don’t believe I have it. I think I suffer from Magical Thinking. A (stupid but true) example would be how I collect phone cases. I buy really cute ones and then I put one on and the whole day no one texts me so I take it off because I think it’s the case doing it and it gives me anxiety so I switch back to this main one that when I use it I get texts and it makes my anxiety go away. I do this with a lot of my things so for years I just haven’t been able to wear or use certain things or even take a different way home for fear that abc or d might or might not happen. It’s very debilitating to feel like I can’t change anything about myself or my life because it gives me anxiety thinking that if I change this or that then I might die, or I might not have a good night, or so and so won’t text me, etc. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I’ve never told anyone about it just something that consistently eats away ate my brain and has been forever. Any advice or comments would be appreciated.

i definitely think my eating disorder is caused from my ocd, if not only spurring it on. it feels so good to have such a rigid routine on myself. it feels grounding, but exhausting as well. its so fucking tiring being so strict on myself every second of every day but if i ever went off track i would no doubt think about it for like 3 whole days in paranoia of what the affects will be later and how i’ll get rid of it. i fucking hate it. i cant help but check my weight multiple times a day; if i don’t i feel panicked and lost. sorry this is a post about an ED but i do genuinely think if i didn’t have OCD i probably wouldn’t have this. if this isn’t appropriate to post let me know

this is my first time using this app. i havent been officially diagnosed with ocd but the signs seem pretty clear. i've noticed myself being more anxious lately. a major issue ive been having is i am extreme indecisive. its dinner time, chicken tenders or a burger? sometimes it take me more time to decide on something than to eat it. maybe because i wanna make the best decision i can. and thats just one example. in the same ballpark, i can never have a thought that doesnt come with a conflicting thought. usually when i feel like i've negatively affected another person. i guess an example is like if i have plans to do something with a friend that i dont really want to do, i'll cancel. but then im like "what if going to that event meant a lot to them? did i make them cry? was that rude of me? should i go anyways and suck it up to not hurt them? i should respect my choices more. is that selfish?" you get the point. it then sends me into a spiral which often leads to anxiety or me crying. its all very tiring and i was wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences.