Hey everyone! Today is my birthday but I don’t feel like celebrating. I have come to terms that I am a terrible person and I don’t deserve my friends, my family, or the opportunities I’ve been given because I’m living a lie. I am a hypocrite and I feel like everything is closing in around me.
I may not know who you are but I can tell you one thing. You’re not a terrible person, you just feel like you are for whatever reason. That’s ok I’m hard on myself too and I’ll consider myself a hypocrite when some unwanted thoughts go against my values and ethics. Just because you feel this way doesn’t mean you don’t deserve some birthday cake (or cupcake or brownies or whatever your preferred birthday dessert is 😂). I remember one time I didn’t tell any of my college friends about my birthday and they came up to me like the next day and were like “why didn’t you say anything?” And I was like I didn’t feel like you guys cared but in reality they did. Thoughts are just what they are thoughts. They aren’t facts. And a lot of the time they can mess with your head to the point to where you think something is so real and convincing, when in reality, it’s the exact opposite. So happy birthday whoever you are! I’m rooting for you to shake out of the blues and to have some good food today!!
Regardless of what you have done/said/etc. you’re not a terrible person, and you’re still deserving of happiness. I hope you can accept that and try to have a good birthday. Happy Birthday!
I hope whatever your going through you can keep pushing and work through it. Whatever you think about yourself is not always reality. I don't know your struggle. but all I see is, you saw this app. Downloaded it. Made an account in order to help yourself. That says enough to me that you want rid of whatever your experiencing and that's not what a bad person does.(don't want to give reassurance if your doing therapy) but an outside perspective. Keep pushing. Don't give up
And happy birthday
It'll get easier one day, you deserve this birthday you made it through the dam year 🤣 just try your best to stay calm and remember birthday celebrations aren't just for you, the people in your life are meant to celebrate you as well!
I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I've spent the morning crying, and I feel like I don't deserve to. I feel like I'm a horrible person or a... you know. I'm so sick of this. I'm just so tired of everything. I don't see my psychiatrist until two weeks from now. How am I going to make it till then? :( Even writing this post, I feel like I'm deceiving everyone and that I'm actually a monster. I'm so convinced of this right now. I don't know what to do. I was literally okay a few days ago. I don't even know what's real and what's not, like... I think I do? But everything is so distorted. I can't stop replaying memories trying to figure things out. I really need my psychiatrist right now. I feel like I need to confess, like I've been trying so hard not to, but every person I see, I just keep thinking about how badly I want to ask them if I'm a bad person or not, and that makes me feel worse. A good person wouldn't feel the need to ask that over and over again, would they? What if I'm just seeking validation because I can't accept that?
I genuinely feel like the worlds most horrible person deeply for my past actions in childhood and general mistakes I’ve made. I feel like I shouldn’t be here or there’s no hope for me despite doing right ( trying to do right ) I’ve wanted to open up to my mom about things from my past but when I was talking to her about a situation that happened just to share, she was like “Thank God you’ve never done anything like that” But really my past mistakes are worst. It’s like I feel like I should disappear. I don’t know how to deal with the guilt and I feel horrible. I’ve made good and bad decisions but despite this being a long time ago ( which doesn’t erase my stupid actions ) I still keep bringing back into the present and I’m filled with guilt I genuinely think it would be better if I wasn’t here. I wake up think about my past things and I’m filled with guilt and shame that maybe I am a bad person and voices don’t stop, they keep telling me a lot of things that I start to believe. It makes me upset that I did something like that in my past and I try to be understanding but I can imagine the reactions of people and being condemned so much. I literally do this to myself every single day and it’s exhausting I don’t know how you guys can treat me with so much compassion and understanding. It really doesn’t feel real or like I deserve it. Like even on nocd, it makes me feel worst because I come across comments that say “as long as it’s not —-“ or something and I compare it to my past and I feel like a horrible unacceptable person.
I feel so horrible and guilty, I've been pretty depressed lately and I don't know if i'm doing something wrong or not but my mom keeps getting mad at me, and I keep getting snappy with her. The other day she tried to take a selfie with me and I kinda got mad at her because it was in front of everyone and I didn't want to get anyone uncomfortable if they were accidently in the background so I told her stop in a kind of mean way. She stopped talking to me for the rest of the night and she keeps bringing up how disrespectful I am. I tried to explain to her I didn't mean anything mean by it?? It's triggering my OCD so bad and tonight i'm going to see a band I really wanted to see, and i'm super afraid shes gonna start bringing up how mean i've been lately. I've been really depressed and upset because of school and how much work their giving me, and I've been in my room for mostly more than 10 hours a day doing nothing but watching TV because I can't bring myself out of it, I don't know what to do anymore and the guilt of me possibly being a mean and aggressive person is haunting me.
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