What if this time it’s real?

i’m sorry for posting a lot but i’m relapsing again and it’s hitting hard this time. It feels so real the thoughts feel like they are becoming mine and I thought i was doing better but no Im not because im suffering again. I feel like this time i can’t ignore them if i do they will be my thoughts. i will become who i fear becoming. i don’t want to die but i don’t want to live like this. i’ve never been more suicidal then when this last ocd relapse hit. this is the 3rd month im going through this theme and it’s relentless and painful and attacks every.little.thing. i doubt everything. i’m sorry for posting so much but. i’m afraid i can’t keep on moving. my heart is tired and beat up and broken and my mind is against me so how can I trust it? idk i don’t want this. it feels so real.

Username: ConfusedDrewConfusedDrew

Date posted: 46w ago

Hey panda it's me again. don't feel sorry for posting that's what this place is for we're in this mess together, now lets see you've relapsed and are experiencing intense intrusive thoughts again and their taking over your focus becoming the main thing on your mind. lets try some escapism techniques. step out of your brain for a sec and just close your eyes take a slow deep breath and take mental note of your lungs expanding shifting your focus from your thoughts to your body grounding yourself in reality. exhale and sense your fingers, nose and toes. this can sometimes act as a hard reset to refocus us. Now something important to remember is that your thoughts right now are not your own. intrusive thoughts are ego-dystonic they don't align with our values, thoughts or beliefs. when you get those thoughts try to remember their just irrational thoughts they hold no water just feel like it, like an illusion. they are not your true feelings or thoughts and can not control how you wish to live your life.

Username: freshpandafreshpanda

Date posted: 46w ago

@ConfusedDrew thank you a lot this was very comforting💕

Username: ConfusedDrewConfusedDrew

Date posted: 46w ago

@panda hope - No problem i know how difficult having these thoughts are, I have them too, never feel ashamed or feel like your getting on anyones nerves by reaching out.

Username: ConfusedDrewConfusedDrew

Date posted: 46w ago

@panda hope - heres my instagram @the_truedrew08 if you want to reach out to me directly

Username: conner:pconner:p

Date posted: 46w ago

Honestly I can't say much to help cause I'm at a similar place, I guess just. You aren't alone, and if you don't claim those thoughts THEYRE NOT YOURS 🤣🤣 jk but seriously, just try to remember, this is just how our brains work from time to time, you aren't crazy, you aren't evil. I have been doing breathwork with like a 1-2 minute hold and the amount of oxygen u get makes ur brain function better, look into some breath work videos on YouTube and try doing a 30 minute one with a guide/instructor. I took a one hour class last night and sobbed on the mat while working through things in my mind

Username: wecanbeatocd123

Date posted: 1y ago

crying help me

I don’t know what happened but I feel like my OCD is back and I’m crying because I’ve been doing so good and now I feel like all of a sudden it’s back and I don’t want to go down this path again because it was really dark time for me and I was doing good like and I’m getting my medicine switched and I started a new one tomorrow but I don’t know I feel like there’s a spell on me. I can’t go through this again and I am crying I just I can’t go through this hell hole again and I really need help in advice to say strong during this because I can’t do this like I can’t do this again I can’t I hate how my brain is like so mad and just yells at me like I have to think about this in order for her to go away like no I don’t want to think about it but if I don’t think about whatever it wants me to think about, it’s like gets louder and louder in my head, and like the more urgent, feeling of having to think about it, in order to go away, I know it’s OCD I know it’s OCD and then like what if it’s not OCD like no if I don’t wanna think about something obviously it’s OCD it’s OCD it’s always OCD whatever my brain wants me to think about and it gets louder and louder. It’s just it’s OCD bro it’s OCD, I think I am going on a spiral and I just really need help like I’m tired of my OCD wanting to think about things and then saying it’s not OCD when it’s literally OCD

Username: PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

Im scared again

I got triggered again cause randomly i remembered that in the past when ocd got so bad, i started to feel really sad and tired that i have this life, that i cant enjoy it and i got thoughts in my head like i dont want to live like this, then i was like i dont want to die, but idk what to do. Im sure i didnt wanted to die, but now when i hear people talking about dealing with suicidal thoughts, i feel like i can relate cause they tell the same story i had. I got tired and i had thoughts like i dont want to live like this. And i cant see the difference,i dont have this now, im just really sad and triggered about the thing that i might had dealt with suicidal thoughts in a real way, and the more i want to deny it the more shame i feel cause it makes me think that i only avoid it cause of shame but i should accept the fact that i was, which i cant. Also it doesnt help that my therapist said when i eas going to therapy that im not in danger but when life gets hard i want to avoid the pain by dying, and the more i tried to accept this, the more depressed and shame i felt...until i decided i will leave cause it made me feel worse... since then im in war with does she was right? Did i ecperienced suicidal thoughts? Am i just putting this ocd label on it cause it feels better? Im really scared that back in the days i actually experienced real suicidal thoughts, and i cant stop to compare myself to people when i hear its the same pattern i did experienced as people who wanted to end their life...

Username: bloominglotus

Date posted: 50w ago

It’s so difficult

Today has been awful thoughts. It’s just getting worse and it feels like real thoughts and feelings even though I’ve been fighting it. I wish I could explain how bad it is to my parents. How do you tell anyone you’re having horrible horrible thoughts of sexually harming others and other terrible things?And there’s events from my past that make me not want to do anything because I feel like I deserve to be jailed. I’m worried I won’t be able to get a job because I can’t act like a normal person, or learn to drive. My mom said I need something to keep my occupied, find some classes to take. And she’s right but I’m worried I can’t even focus on that and again I feel like it’s a waste because I feel like I deserve to be in jail. I’m 21 I feel like such a failure. I don’t know how to get help, I really feel like I don’t want to live anymore, it feel like the only way out. But I don’t want to hurt anyone and I don’t want my family to feel at fault. I don’t have any diagnosis so it just all feels too real. It’s CONSTANT thoughts about harming others. It feels real, it sounds proud and almost like it’s mocking in my head. I feel like I’m voluntarily thinking these things. I don’t understand why this has happened and why it’s gotten so bad. I know in my heart I have ZERO desire to be this person. I’m sorry I keep posting so much, it’s just so difficult.

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