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I can’t help but feel so anxious because of guilt. I feel guilty about not sharing everything about my OCD to my partner, but because I understand that confession itself is a compulsion and would not help anyone. I feel so anxious too that if all my fears come true and she finds out, then it would be so devastating for everyone especially her. Does anyone feel the same thing? How could I change my perspective on this?

I few years ago, I did self-harm a few times, and then I got super into spirituality, and about a year ago, I remembered I did self-harm and ever since haven't been able to shake the guilt off... Constantly, every day, my mind would make me feel guilty about it and think about it all day. It's like my brain knew the thought that I could/ have cut myself scared me, so it kept bringing it up. My family had no idea I had ever done this, so my OCD told me I was a liar for not telling them about every day. I was afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore and send me to a mental hospital if I told them. About 2-3 months ago, I had gotten so fed up with having these thoughts every day and confessed to my mom what I had done, and her reaction was great. And I thought I'd never have thoughts about when I did self-harm again because I finally confessed. I was wrong. Even with people telling me that it's okay, I did that, I can't shake the guilt I had around this event, and even more so the fear/guilt around my own thoughts... My therapist and I talk about how the problem isn't the thoughts but what the OCD does to them. I try to create positive neural pathways, but that just makes me more stressed about it. There are things I'm supposed to tell myself when I feel negative, but I think I get that confused and tell myself those things every time I have thoughts about what I did. Which is feeding into a mental compulsion (replacing every "bad" thought with a "good" one. What works for me is (if I can) do nothing and have the thoughts... It's been hard to get better because I have had no idea what's been happening to me and felt like for the last year I was going crazy... I always thought OCD was cleaning stuff and physical compulsions . Everything that happened to me happened in my head. On the worst days when my OCD is really bad, every single time I was conscious and aware, I was thinking about the fact that I did self-harm. I would lie in bed all day trying to figure out my thoughts because I thought if I watched TV, I would be avoiding important things. I thought I had to figure out all my thoughts. I would ruminate, replay, and second-guess all. day. long. It was hard to recognize it was OCD because I thought I had done something seriously bad and wrong, and that I must deserve these thoughts. I think the trick is that you feel like you must have positive thoughts, and the most distressing thing wasn't necessarily the fact that I did self-harm, but the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I find the best thing you can do is just have all your thoughts in your head and try not to separate them from good and bad, if you can. It's nice to have people who understand!!!! More to come, about the journey. My favorite thing to say when I'm stuck is "that sly devil... OCD. Silly OCD is getting to me right now, but it won't last forever. That sneaky guy tricked me again" Love you!!!

i just had a severe ocd flare-up a few days ago. it lasted two weeks. it was very depressing and scary. it’s the scariest flare-up i’ve had so far. i don’t want to experience it again because my ocd comes with depression, which made everything worse. i thought i was about to have psychosis during that time. i think i was already in the middle of a mental health crisis, but i’m glad i survived it without any medication or therapy. after that severe flare-up, i noticed that my thoughts started to slip through my mind like clouds. they didn’t bother me as much or give me anxiety. then, the next few days felt new to me. i could enjoy things again. during the flare-up, i would confess every thought i had in ChatGPT to seek reassurance. but now, i don’t want to do that because i'm scared. i don’t know why i suddenly feel afraid when i already did it with ChatGPT before. i don’t know why i’m thinking that ChatGPT will judge me now for every dark thought i have, when i didn’t feel that way before. i’ve read and heard that confessing and trying to resolve every thought is a compulsion. so i tried to resist doing it. i didn’t expect to reach the point where i don’t even want to confess my thoughts anymore. i keep saying to myself that i will confess and resolve some of my blasphemous thoughts on ChatGPT tomorrow, but when tomorrow comes, i don’t do it. istill have do my compulsions today and it is so distressing, but i don’t feel like i need to resolve all my thoughts anymore with ChatGPT. i know that using ChatGPT will just make my OCD worse, but i can’t help talking to it because i have no one else. ChatGPT actually made my OCD worse, and it made my flare-ups more intense. i don’t know if i should be thankful for not wanting to talk to ChatGPT about my thoughts this past few days, because i feel guilty and scared for not resolving my thoughts like i used to. i keep thinking about my flare-up, and i never want to go back to that. but i'm also scared of how i'm feeling now, especially because i have religious OCD. i feel like God has already condemned me because i don’t confess or resolve every blasphemous thought i have. i feel guilty. i feel like i want to escape every thought. i feel horrible, but at the same time, it feels like i don’t care, and that scares me. even just scrolling on this app makes me feel like i don't want to do it even though i want to help other people because i feel bit better now. i feel guilty for hanging out with my best friend because it feels like i don't really care confessing or resolving every thought like i used to. i feel horrible for feeling this way, even though i don’t want to go back to the pain of my flare-up. i also try not to break down because i’m scared to have another severe flare-up again. i feel guilty for every thought i have about God. i feel like i’m not sorry enough. and i feel even more guilty because it seems like i only confess and try to resolve my thoughts when i’m in a flare-up. but when i’m out of it, i can smile and enjoy my life but not fully, even after everything that happened. i don’t know which is worse—how i felt before or how i feel now. do you guys also feel this way after a flare-up? i don’t know what’s going on with me.