- Date posted
- 1y
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I genuinely can't stand my life any longer. I just wanted it all to end
I genuinely can't stand my life any longer. I just wanted it all to end
It won't feel like this forever, things always change in life. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this right now, take care
It gets better. Trust me. Iām having a bad day myself today with OCD. It all feels so real and true but I know it will get better it always does. Sit with anxiety sit with the uncomfortable feelings. Donāt engage in any compulsions I know itās easier said than done but it is the way out of all of this
I've been where you are many times in the past, and probably will again sometime in the future. But it's true, things will get better; probably not in the short-run, if I'm honest, and probably not in the long-run either, but they will in the medium-run, and for now, that's enough for me. (I actually stole that from John Green who also has OCD. I recommend watching his videos on his Blog Brothers YouTube channel if you haven't already. He's actually helped me a lot). I also recommend getting an animal companion if you can and praying if you can, since both of those things have helped me a lot too, not necessarily with OCD but with coping.
I feel so sad, alone, scared and hopeless. Until two months ago there was not even the remote possibility of being anything other than heterosexual and now the idea that I could find out that I was lesbian or bisexual terrifies me to death. Everything was born from the fact that I didn't feel sexual desire towards my ex-boyfriend and I started to be afraid that it was because I was a lesbian... how can I be a lesbian or bisexual if everything was born from this? I would like to run away from myself and my head. I would really like to go back and go back to my life before. I can't take it anymore. I just want to live my life like before
I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.
Everyday I wake up, all my mind makes me think of is the stuff Iāve done in the past, like all day Iām in a constant cycle of judging who I used to be and it hurts so so much. I wish I never thought to do those things, I wish I had been more mature than how I was before, itās really lowering my self worth and I donāt think Iāve ever felt this miserable before, like last summer was the worst because I was dealing with this shit, I about almost ended my life over it, and I thought it would get better, which it did, but it didnāt last but for a while. As soon as it became 2025 I was going through it again, having constant cycles of āIām a good personā to āIām the worst person imaginableā and Iām so sick of it because I just want to feel like the good person l like to imagine myself to be, but I canāt because of shit I did in the past that I obsess over. Iāve cried and screamed so much over it and it seems like it will never leave me.
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