This may be a form of asking for reassurance. I really don't even know at this point. But for those with HOCD, I seen and heard videos about this where some OCD sufferers are so tired of the doubt from the thoughts that they "adopt" a gay lifestyle. Or just basically accept all the thoughts. I'm just tired of constantly fighting this. The problem is I will like have "fantasies" of the same sex (female) and every time doubt comes up like for example, Do you like this fantasy your having? I'll just be like yes. I don't want to have these fantasies but I feel like I have no choice because of it being inevitable. I find it distressing but I'm barely if not nauseous at all so I feel like this is just who Ive always been. I still get anxiety sometimes and doesn't feel natural like with guys but then sometimes it legit feels real and feels like I like it. I'm truly so exhausted and just want to die.

Hey. I presume you're currently getting therapy? If not I really recommend having someone to talk to to explain how you feel. First of all, you're not alone!! You will feel soo much better with expert help I promise you that! Secondly, I'm no expert. But I will say this. Theres nothing to be ashamed of. Keep remembering that. We have thousands and thousands of thoughts everyday and you are putting more focus into the thoughts that scare you, the thoughts you cant understand, and so each time you keep holding onto this thought, your mind deems it as important, because YOU are deeming it as important. There will be thoughts you think of and dismiss, whereas I, an OCD sufferer also, will sit and fear thoughts that you might dismiss everyday, and vice versa? Know what I mean? We need to let go of this fear that we allow to frighten us. Your mind is not a bully. Your mind is simply scared because you've taught it to be scared of these thoughts. You have to change your thought process to realise these thoughts arent meaningful. Sometimes what I do is I face it head on. I have the thought and then think why do I fear this. It's just a thought I'm focusing on, it doesn't define who I am, it doesnt mean anything. When you have these thoughts I would sit down and meditate as well. It's so hard at first, but it really worked to calm my mind down and almost soothe it, you're telling your mind it's ok to think these thoughts, nothings coming from it. After a while of doing the same thing my mind then thinks less of the intrusive thoughts I'm having overtime and now I barely care about the intrusive thoughts. Something else I've started to learn is that self confidence has something to do with this. You need to learn to be comfortable with yourself and happy with who you are as a person. Find yourself. You dont need to be in fear. I hope this helps you and please remember to speak to a professional. They will put you on the right path. I promise. Just

Just speak to someone. I hope you feel a bit better. Just telling you my experience so you know you're not alone and reassuring you there will be a professional out there who can make you feel better. Best of luck.

Speak to someone today or as soon as possible

A professional. You are going to be ok.

This is exactly how o felt tonight LinaD. My therapist tells me “you can’t trust feelings” - this is OCD - horrible beast it is!

I just don't what else to do I feel like the thoughts are just natural and part of my character now. OCD just sucks so much. I'm gonna be trapped forever in a never-ending cycle of torture.

I appreciate you taking the time to comment. Thank you.