I have the "quick fix" mentality

Maybe this is why i have ocd, or ocd made me a quick fixer. When a problem comes i always try to find a solution to it and this helped me alot of times and i was called creative. But there is the other side of this, that i have ocd and i want to fix things. And what im thinking know, i feel like i can associate the two, my suicidal ocd thoughts and the quick fix mentality. When i have a problem that i cant solve, thats when suicidal thoughts hit me, and it feels real. Deeply i know its not a solution, its not good, yet im struggling why do i get in m mind as a solution when im struggling. And there where the quick fixer mindset comes. I never done anything and i will never do, but this feels like its not ocd and its a lie, it feels like im actually want the thoughts cause i want to fix the problem quickly and this makes me think I can say this is actual suicidal ideation, and it makes me feel bad. People come with "but you can heal from that too, its okay, alot of people dealt with that" but this makes me angry cause i dont want to accept it, it feels not right to tell myself i was considering suicide. Still one of the hardest thing i cannot accept. It helped me to realize i have the quick fixer mindset, it will help me to work on things, but this still makes me think i was considering suicide, it was a solution for me... i dont want to say that but i feel like im avoiding

Suicidal OCD

savannah_frame

Date posted: 1y

i understand what ur going through i have these thoughts but then it’s like “wait i don’t want that” and it scares me because i overthink what if i ever did that and i’m having all of these thoughts that i’m trapped in and it scares me and makes me feel sick bc i guess i’m having anxiety

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

Its so refreshing to hear you have the same, i really feel alone here cause i feel like its not ocd, ocd is actually what i use to avoid this problem, but if i recover from ocd this is still here so im actually have suicidal imaginagions...(i mean this is what i think right now) no mather how many times i deal with it as "its just ocd" i felt like im avoiding and then at bad times it got back... i hate the feeling that i want to do that just to fix the problem, its scary like im actually would do that just to fix my problem and thats for me sounds not like ocd, more like a real suicidal tendecie... but again if you have the same, this is what i think now...

savannah_frame

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 for me i overthink a lot because i think i have anxiety but i’ve been starting to have this since last week but these thoughts started happening like this week and it scares me i have these thoughts “oh what if i stabbed myself” or it’s “oh do it!!” and i start to stress about it because i’m trying to talk to my dad about it but i’m afraid he will think i’m insane or if i actually will do it when i don’t want to but my mind keeps on saying “oh no what if u did it tho?? like what if u wanted to do it??” and then i get scared and nervous and then i’m scared to tell my mom but i’m like i don’t know what to do because i was suppose to go to the doctor yesterday to see if i get diagnosed and then i couldn’t go bc it was rlly expensive but i’m just scared of these thoughts :( it’s like i don’t wanna do it but my brain is telling me this and that

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@savannah_frame Do you have the feelings too? That you enjoy it? Or you just afraid of "what if i will enjoy it?" Cause what im fighting with is a feeling that makes me feel that im enjoying it and i end up fighting with it that its not true

savannah_frame

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 i have the thought of what if i do enjoy it and i overthink so much i feel like i’m going insane or it’s never going away

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@savannah_frame Okay so thats just a thought, its not a feeling

savannah_frame

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 yeah it’s just been bothering me the past few days and taking over me and i feel like it’s not normal and i feel like it’s never gonna stop

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@savannah_frame As i said you just have thoughts and your mind makes you believe you you might like it but you dont have the actual feeling

savannah_frame

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 yeah i just want them to go away :(

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@savannah_frame Thats what makes it stay. Your mind sees that you want to make them go away so it sends you more cuase its a threat. Show it its not

savannah_frame

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 okay it’s just feel like everything is different right now and it’s so confusing

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd tips

so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd advice?

Leo_Massie

Date posted: 23w

Constant intrusive thoughts about ending it (TW)

Starting in high school, I became very suicidal, and it became my “safety net” of all went wrong. I know it’s dark, but I was in a really bad head space and I saw suicide as my escape if I couldn’t fix my life. It got to the point where I was constantly thinking about suicide (literally every day, multiple times a day). Over the last year, I’ve gotten better and I think about it less. But then my OCD grabbed hold of it…. Now, if I do something wrong or embarrassing or if I struggle in a social situation (which is often 😅), my mind says “kys”, “jump off a bridge”, and so on. It’s like an automatic response with my OCD and it makes me so uncomfortable… I’m trying to get better. I don’t want to die. Sure, I still get pretty low, but I always push the thoughts away now instead of welcoming them like I used to. But with the intrusive thoughts being nearly constant now, it’s kind of scary. I dont know what to do to make them stop since the intrusive thoughts are just so automatic at the slightest feeling of discomfort. I have a therapist, but I dont know how to bring this up with her. I’m too nervous to even admit to suicidal thoughts, not to mention the intrusive thoughts they’ve turned into. It kind of feels like it’ll never go away.

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I have the "quick fix" mentality

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