PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

When does a thought becomes a real danger?

I have harm and suicidal ocd, sometimes i can notice its ocd cause its just worrying and theres no association with emotions im just worrying that i might do something, those times its clear to me that its just ocd, i dont even fear about it then. But there are times when i can associate with emotions, i go through something bad and i think "this is do bad, i want to die" or it can get agressive to with urges. With harm i experienced urges to harm people, that was a year ago now im just experiencing this suicidal intrusive thoughts. As i read here about suicidal ocd, i cant actually relate to people cause many just talks about it as a fear, a what if thoughts, having no association. Im dealing with really hard things right now that beats me up emotionally and then i have these suicidal thoughts with urges but i dont do anything cause i dont want to, im a christian and i know thats a sin but the crazy part is i have sometimes thoughts like "God will forgive me, Jesus died for our sin so it will be forgiven" and its crazy, i feel crazy, and im afraid that i will believe these distortions. So right now its really hard cause as i said i have a real life problem and i get these suicidal thoughts and it feels like its real. I always think that i have these cause i want to avoid pain and it seems like that cause i get it when im in so much pain. Another thing i cannot relate is people here say they are 100% sure they doesnt want to do it, for me, i doubt it. Ocd makes you doubt but then why everyone is sure they dont want to do it? Now i dont want to do it but in that time idk it feels like i want to and like im stopping myself to do something bad. Im tired of suicidal ocd, i have it for years now and it stops me to deal with problems cause when i feel overwhelmed it comes up and i feel like i want to do it...and im panicking and feel shame and guilt then depressed about it and then i dont deal with the problem i should, i deal with "maybe im suicidal". Im getting tired of it, i feel like its still here and i didnt recovered from it cause its not ocd, maybe its real problem. I tried every ocd method to heal this fear but it never went away and always comes up when im in pain... i start to think its real...

Suicidal OCD

vgb

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Can you get professional help? Talking to an ocd counselor/psychologist will be a great support for you. It’s very hard to conquer without that kind of help. Hang in there. The light is there💛

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

I can but its not like i dont want to, i want i just went before and it didnt helped me. The therapist said ocd is here to save me like a shield and the thoughts are real cause im in pain and i want attention. Its just horrible, i left therapy. Since then this hunts me and my mind says she was right im just denying

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 So its kinda like i almost got a "trauma" from it cause since then i dont want any therapist

vgb

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Sounds like she did not work with you on erp. That’s significant work a true ocd clinician will make u do

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

Idk many times i feel like it was my fault, she was right im was just so narcisisstic that i didnt wanted to accept the truth cause it hurts me, and i cant let this go, as i said it hunts me... and if i try to ignore it as ocd, i feel like a crap person cause im trying to avoid reality...

vgb

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I’m sorry and I wish you brighter days. This too shall pass

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

Its just hard to differenciate between the two and i want to know what i have, cause you dont get the same treatment for the two. Real suicidal ideation is actually dangerous and it should be taken seriously. But if i take my ocd like that it will become stronger and i will just feed it and never recover. Thats why its important to know the difference but the therapist doesnt told me the differnce, she said i have real suicidal thoughts, i have ocd, but im not in danger, but who knows she can be wrong... i was like wtf... is this mindgames?

ilovepurplea...

Date posted: 1y

I think the difference is when you actually want to or plan on acting on them and if you feel like you do feel like acting on them please go see someone

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

Thats based on feelings. This is why i dont like it cause people say "you feel like acting on it" with ocd you feel like you will act on it too... and the plans arent that simple either cause i remember i had random intrusive plans like my mind randomly said "do that, your parents go away the next hour, you will do it" and these were intrusive, i told about this to my thetapist. So it can give you plans too. And i see that some people here experience that too cause they have it agressively. Its not that simple to say "you feel like you want to act on it and you have plans" people with ocd(some) will get the same thoughts and feelings but they dont want to act on it, but its hard to say this when you feel like you want...

ilovepurplea...

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 Okay you are right I am so sorry I said that because an article I read abt ocd was saying how to know abt your ocd and if you actully want to do it. I get now what I said was ignorant because ocd can make you unsure of yourself. Thank you for telling me abt this. Sorry if this triggered anyone that wasn’t my intention

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@ilovepurpleandgreen Sorry if i was harsh i didnt meant like that. Its not a problem,i find google unhelpful for mental health, you can search for every mental health disorder and you will get that the solution is "medication and therapy". Therapy is okay but ive fallen to this lie before that medication is needed, its a must for recovery cause i read that everywhere, but its lie. Medication is a helping tool, which you can take to help you on your recovery but will not "heal" your mental disorder... Im glad that i found people on youtube who can talk about ocd as it actually is. So yeah google is unhelpful

ilovepurplea...

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 Yes I love hearing abt other peoples OCD experiences it makes me feel better

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd tips

so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd advice?

PRIV8

Date posted: 16w

Questioning my faith or ocd

Since I started to accept that maybe some of the problems i deal with might be things that i should accept cause either way I feel shame if i have these thoughts, and i think that being that person is shameful. I'm struggling these days and I noticed I have thoughts about God not being real, not helping me, questioning if its real and these thoughts makes me feel shame. But i keep accepting it cause Im tired that i feel like im lying to myself and everytime i feel like im avoiding the truth, so I try to accept it that its okay that im having these problems(I do the same with suicidal ocd,I start to accept maybe its real) but since im doing this I noticed it makes me depreassed cause of shame. Made things worse, I always spin about shame that it might be true, i try tk accept it but it doesnt work, I feel like maybe i should go back and label every feeling and thought as ocd but i know i wouldnt be free cause i would feel like im trying to make myself feel better... But if its ocd, how can I decide its that if I have the emotions like im losing my faith, I get angry when i hear about faith, sometimes i feel like i really question it, have thoughts like i dont want to have faith...

Religion & Spirituality OCD

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When does a thought becomes a real danger?

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