Why was I so .. not it.

Ok so this is going to be lengthy and probably have many mistakes so I apologize in advance. I used to live somewhere completely different to where I live now. I lived back in my hometown until I was 10. That was a living nightmare for me. I was bullied lots and had lots of very traumatizing things happen to me that are a VERY big part to my ocd today. When I was very young like 7 or 8 I was at a sleepover with another girl and she was pressuring me into doing things that I was very uncomfortable doing. She was pressuring me to take some of my clothes off. At the time I was very young and didn’t know right from wrong and didn’t know what to do so because she was being very peer pressure to me I did so because I was scared. I have never been able to come to peace with myself after this even though I have been told that I did NOTHING wrong and that I was very young and stuff. But then I moved somewhere completely different, and lost contact with everyone because I knew that it was too much for me to handle. Today someone from there reached out me ( a good person) and wanted to talk and catch up. I did talk to her for a little bit (it’s not the same person that pressured me) and I texted her after telling her how I needed to lose contact with here because so many of my intrusive thoughts came from living there, so being in contact with people was mentally not ok with me. She was completely understanding and all’s good. But I’m wondering. What happened with that girl. Should I fee guilt about? Or is this my ocd. I just need some other opinions. Please help me out!

I was a very very damaged child and I did a lot of weird inappropriate things and I was all kinds of messed up. Uneducated, and lazy and all these things my family and friends and teachers told me. I was a troubled kid. And idk why. I really don’t. My parents did suck with the whole emotional support and I really needed a lot of it I guess. So I kept looking other places for that support. Eventually I got it from myself NOW. But still I feel so embarrassed and sad for that young me. Anyway, I feel like despite all the fucked up shit I did as a kid, I grew into such an amazing person. I’ve had my flaws and made mistakes 100% but I’ve loved and cared for others so genuinely. I think I’m a good person I really do, I make bad choices at times but I am human. But all in all, I’m GOOD. And it’s been proven so much from ppl who tell me and who hurt me and come back apologizing. I don’t mind admitting I was wrong etc. but I can’t help but feel like I’m this creep weirdo kid still? Why can’t I have peace with that 7 year old isn’t me anymore and she also just needed love. I can not forgive myself honestly & my ocd makes it 100000x worse cuz it involved real events.

When I was really struggling with OCD at the beginning of it, I used to go on an anonymous website and just vent. Just vent it all out every time a scary event happened. Some people would say the most horrible things. Like truly sick. Some people were supportive and that’s what I was seeking, but I just remember how disturbing it was to be exposed to people who were the opposite. It only happened about twice before I stopped doing that bc I realized how weird people were. I was around 16/17 so idk I was naive and dumb in many ways, but venting on that site gave me an outlet for all the stress I was going through mentally. But some people just . I can’t believe what they would say in response. I’m so traumatized I wanna throw up. Idk why but I assumed that I would come across good people on that site. Like I was just too trusting and naive and didn’t know how to protect myself nor manage the risk of talking to people who are truly sick in the mf head. I wanna kms just from how sick it makes me to remember .