nothing feels real right now? and i’m not anxious when the intrusive thoughts come. does this mean i am okay with them? or i agree with them? it feels like im changing.. i don’t want this
I know exactly how you feel, and I don’t know this for sure!! (Im not a professional) But I don’t think it means you agree with them? It could mean that you’re learning to ignore them, or if you mean numb then I’m not sure!!
Thats a super common feeling!! Its called the backdoor spike! It actually means that you are getting better and the thoughts just don’t bother you as much anymore! It can make you anxious because you aren’t as affected by them and you wonder why. But congrats this is a great sign in your recovery!!
@Anonymous ohh thank you! how can i deal with the back door spike in a good way?
@cyndi🫶 I usually say to myself “ooh im not as anxious this is proof im getting better!” And if i feel worried about not being as anxious I kind of sit with that discomfort and remind myself that if OCD is not worried about the original thoughts its gonna latch onto not being worried- its so sneaky! I try my best to laugh it off and focus on it being a sign that Im improving! Your hard work is paying off!
@Anonymous ohh okay! thank you :) it’s good to know this feeling has a name. it’s just so weird because i used to have full on panic attacks due to these thoughts and now it’s just a lil bit of discomfort but mostly just calm. but thank you anyway :)
@cyndi🫶 Yes its soooo weird but I promise you’ll get used to it!!
I know this is late but I'm going through this too it's scary
it feels like the fear i once knew it wasnt real now it is, it feels like i dont like him anymore and that i have changed. i am numb.
My thoughts are here but I have no anxiety. No matter what if I agree with the thoughts it doesn’t give me anxiety. If I think about how not having anxiety means that the thoughts are my truth since I’m not having anxiety. Nothing is giving me anxiety and I don’t know why but I don’t like that it’s not giving me anxiety. Is this normal?
i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing
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