nothing feels real right now? and i’m not anxious when the intrusive thoughts come. does this mean i am okay with them? or i agree with them? it feels like im changing.. i don’t want this
I know exactly how you feel, and I don’t know this for sure!! (Im not a professional) But I don’t think it means you agree with them? It could mean that you’re learning to ignore them, or if you mean numb then I’m not sure!!
Thats a super common feeling!! Its called the backdoor spike! It actually means that you are getting better and the thoughts just don’t bother you as much anymore! It can make you anxious because you aren’t as affected by them and you wonder why. But congrats this is a great sign in your recovery!!
@Anonymous ohh thank you! how can i deal with the back door spike in a good way?
@cyndi🫶 I usually say to myself “ooh im not as anxious this is proof im getting better!” And if i feel worried about not being as anxious I kind of sit with that discomfort and remind myself that if OCD is not worried about the original thoughts its gonna latch onto not being worried- its so sneaky! I try my best to laugh it off and focus on it being a sign that Im improving! Your hard work is paying off!
@Anonymous ohh okay! thank you :) it’s good to know this feeling has a name. it’s just so weird because i used to have full on panic attacks due to these thoughts and now it’s just a lil bit of discomfort but mostly just calm. but thank you anyway :)
@cyndi🫶 Yes its soooo weird but I promise you’ll get used to it!!
I know this is late but I'm going through this too it's scary
Is this ocd? I Have a thought or think something f harmful that I’ve gotten intrusive thoughts about - and get a feeling like I want/like it or it would give me relief??? Please tell me that will eventually go away and I’ll get my real feelings back??? Or have I just turned into those things? Sometimes things that make me upset it even feels like I’ll do them just so I can be upset about them.
Lately, I have been able to manage my OCD thoughts kind of. They’re still there but I kind of push them away? I know that pushing them away doesn’t help but it’s been my only way to survive. I get scared often about things like clothes or my voice or how I present myself. I get scared that I want to dress differently or act differently and it scares me. I know for a fact I don’t want boobs or anything like that, but my mind constantly is like “What if?” and it kills me. It has ruined everything for me. Sometimes I can’t even look in the mirror because I get scared that I won’t like what I see. I’ve also been afraid because I find myself relating to many female characters, or I want to act like them. Like Pearl from Steven Universe. I want to be graceful and elegant like her, but I don’t want to be a girl you know? My mind constantly pushes these thoughts of what if and images. Because I am not like most guys. Which I know is okay. It just freaks me out. It makes me question every aspect of my being. I know who I am, but I know that the only way to move forward is to accept that maybe I don’t.. It’s just a lot.
Lately my OCD has been very horrible, it’s been more convincing than ever to the point where I’m genuinely convinced that I like this stuff, when I get a thought, I’ll hear my intrusive thoughts go “oooh, I like that, I’d do that.” and I just don’t freak out nor feel bad, I just feel like I like it even more, and feel like I would do/act on it and like it, and the feeling is strong and it lingers forever? It genuinely feels like I do, and I’m just lying now, i can’t tell if I make these thoughts worse or anything All I remember mostly just being like confused sometimes when these thoughts happen, but since I’m getting strong emotions that I like it, my brain says that means I did and I’m worried about that being true because I don’t understand nor know It’s like I am resisting to like this stuff now, it’s even tougher now than it was before
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