Struggle to deal with emotions

I know people with ocd have big struggles to deal with their emotions, im currently learning this but i thought i will ask people here if they can give me a good advice too. So what i keep strugling with is that often what you feel is not a real problem and if you try to work with it you generate a problem that deosnt exist. I had this before many times and ive fallen to this trap. I thought what i feel is a real problem and it says something about me and i need to work with the emotion, but i just made up a problem that didnt even existed. To give an exemple not so long ago i saw a girl that i really liked back in highschool(,it was like 4-5 years ago) with her boyfriend on facebook and at first i was like okay...its good for them i guess... but then my mind was questioning if it makes me feel bad or not. I didnt gave attention to it. But after some time i started feeling like its a problem, i feel bad cause that girl got a bf and its not me, and it generated all kind of stories when in reality i dont care, i got through this a long time now, theres other girls too... So struggle dealing with emotions cause i question if its real or not then i feel like im avoiding if i say its not real. And it even happens that i start to deal with it as a real problem, i feel that its not but at the same time i think it is so im fighting with these emotions. And people say "accept it" and it drives me crazy cause it makes me think i need to accept that i feel this and i actually have a problem, lets use this exemple, like im actually being hurt by seeing a girl i liked having a bf... This is why i struggle with emotions. This happened alot of times that now i dont trust in my emotions and i always try to ignore them cause i feel like many emotion is not a real problem and i dont want to deal with them as a real problem cause then i make up a problem that doesnt exist and i just suffer because of an imaginagion... so how could i decide what emotiond are real problems? And if i find another emotion that is made up, how to deal with it to not feel like im pushing it away but also not believe it as its a real problem?

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Most people, especially those with OCD, have a hard time separating thoughts from emotions. They often add stories to their emotions, which end up over-complicating things. That seems to be what's happening here in your example. Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that the image of this girl and her boyfriend brings up a little bit of envy in you. Or maybe even a little anger/frustration that you aren't the one she's dating. In reality, that's not necessarily "good" or "bad," it's simply an emotion that you feel. No one is a fault for you feeling that emotion, it happens at a subconscious level, and arises due to countless conditions in your life. It's a HUMAN thing. The trouble comes when you start to wonder what that emotion MEANS about YOU. In other words, you add a story to that emotion. "Why do I feel envious? I shouldn't feel that way! That's bad!" You then start to put those thoughts and the emotion under a microscope, investigating every little detail about them like a detective. You try to figure out what it MEANS. That's a recipe for disaster. I think the best way to determine whether or not an emotion is a "problem" is to notice what is taking up more of your time: the emotion or the thoughts about the emotion. If you get a passing feeling of envy when looking at or thinking about this couple, but you constantly THINK about the fact that you had that feeling, then the problem isn't the envy. The problem is that you're adding a lot of unnecessary story and shame. If, on the other hand, you actually DO feel envious towards this couple often, then you still don't have to shame yourself. As soon as you recognize a certain feeling or emotion as something you would like to address, you are already on your way to improving things. You can start to take the necessary steps to address the situation, which may involve talking to someone you trust to process and regulate your emotions. Emotions shouldn't be shamed, and they shouldn't be ignored. They just need to be seen.

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

Its automatic that if you feel envy the conclusion comes that because you feel hurted or that its not you. But many times its not this simple... this was a simple exemple but i have feelings that are really misleading, i can even feel sad about something that its not sad...

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 - Yes often times emotions can mask other emotions. Things can get complex if many emotions are left unprocessed. I would just suggest having someone to talk to to regulate these emotions, whether it's a trusted friend or a therapist. The more we try to "figure things out" on our own by thinking about and analyzing them, the more complicated things tend to become.

MadMatt

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I’ve had this problem before too

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

And what helped?

MadMatt

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@PRIV8 All that helped me was to remember that it’s not real it’s OCD. Although that can turn into a compulsion

PRIV8

Date posted: 1y

@MadMatt The problem is that i start to realize that i use this "its just ocd" as a conpulsion...

Canes12345!

Date posted: 21w

My life with ocd

I’m a good man and I know that. My OCD revolves around relationships. While dating someone a truly enjoy, I find myself needing to compulse everything on my mind or else I feel like I’m being a liar or keeping secrets. I also am pretty confident I suffer from false memory ocd. I don’t like to put a label on things but I’m 99.9% sure I do. My compulsions a lot of times come from things I’m not even sure are real. The more thought I put into them, the more I start to believe they are real. One of the worst compulsions I had in my relationship was I had a thought “what if I find my ex more attractive” and “what if I thought the sex with them was better”. I ended up compulsing these things to my gf. After lots of time to think and get a ahold of myself I was able to remind myself that these things weren’t true and I was just in a downward spiral. There was a 2-3 month period where every time I was relieved of something then I would instantly think of something else. These compulsions have caused insecurity in my gf and I feel like a terrible person. Never meant to hurt her at all and was just trying to find a sense of relief. While I know it is not true, I can’t fix things with words and I feel terrible. I would love to hear from people with tricks and strategies that can help. I love my gf and want to fix things and understand this is not a relationship fixer app but I would like to know what are some ways you are able to deal with these kind of things.

Gmoki

Date posted: 16w

I need advice :( vent post/does anyone relate?

First off - I’m sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldn’t pick one struggle and settle with it. I’m not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someone’s advice please. I love hearing everyone’s advice on posts because it’s so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesn’t feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but it’s also been thorough and constructive enough where it’s reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and I’m so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think it’d drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and it’s been teaching me so many amazing techniques. I’ve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. I’ve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. I’d do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. I’d make his bed for him multiple times, but I haven’t done that for myself in years. I’d sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but he’d never do the same and I’d never do the same for me. I’m also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I don’t want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping they’ll think I’m pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I don’t understand it. Ocd makes me think everything’s a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I won’t be successful, I’ll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCD’s version of “logic” isn’t even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where I’m dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and it’s a very odd and bizarre feeling. I’m excited of course, but I’m also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like “what if I will never make the most of this life I’ve been given”, “what if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other people’s lives is a background character”, “why do I care if I’m a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like me”, “are people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?”, “I need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am now”, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes it’s like I just can’t take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what I’m saying? Can anyone help?

PRIV8

Date posted: 11w

Ocd and emotions

I have alot of problems with this and I question alot if I do avoid my emotions cause today everyone says to "feel your emotions, let them be" but it just makes me be stuck with suffering. Currently I have a problem at my job, it's really stressful and i feel like everyone thinks im stupid and a bad person and it's hard, I struggle with negative emotions and I rumminate alot about the things, what couldve happened,what will happen and sometimes it makes me feel helpless cause idk what to do. But when it happens I don't let myself feel helpless, I don't know why you should let yourself feel anything like hopelessness,helplesnees,or let yourself tell any story that will not help you. I acknowledge it that it came up, but I won't let it to continously be there. I never understood that when you have these feelings, sitting with them makes you just follow the story that is unhealthy. I feel things that are unhealthy for me and i tried to sit with it and made me feel worse being stuck with that emotion. I start to think that people who actually has avoidance problems they dont notice how they feel, when I do notice I just choose not to go on that path. I question grief too alot. Everyone grieves differently so that's why is difficult but I don't like when people say that grief will never end and if you feel better about your loss you are just lying to yourself... Ofcourse you will never feel happy about anything you lost in your life. When i dealt with grief I noticed it, back then i thought okay i have to sit with the pain but then it got worse and worse and I felt like im stuck in my pain. Then I decided I have to move and im not 100%over, i dont even know what that means cause as I said you will never feel happy about any loss you experienced,but thats a different thing, you can still live your life with that,but if its been years and you still think life sucks and nothing is good then youre stuck with grief. This is not judging anyone who is not over grief, But it's problematic for me when I say i wont let this emotion to rule my day, and then i feel like im supressing it... or when people say "just let it be there" then my focus is on that being there, so to change your focus to your life you have to ignore the feelings, and people say "no,you dont" but thats what you have to do... To choose that you will live your life and you will focus on something else no matter what means that you will ignore the feelings, you can still notice it but you give no power to them. That's called ignoring it... I have to learn what supressing feelings really means cause everytime I try to live my life I say i supress my emotions cause it feels like that. I hope someone will read this, either will help him or he will help me understand things more, so if you read this, thank you for your time! :)

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