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Username: leafwaves

Date posted: 38w ago

I feel lonely

This isnt really OCD related but rather just a vent post. I wanted to leave my feelings somewhere so feel free to ignore this. I feel like im going to die at this point, since i can remember ive been dealing with thisbfeeling of alienation and loneliness (yknow, the autistic experience) vut i dont know how longer i can keep up with it. I feel like ive failed at the most basic things that make a human being, making friends, having a job, studying, romance. I see everyone around me reach greater heights while i am stuck in one place and i feel like im going to rot in the spot. I only have two friends, one of them is away in another state preparing to be a priest and we can go for months without talking and still act so close, but im afraid hes ultimately going to leave. My other friend, my best friend for 7/8 years is also drifting away this very moment, she's in her last year of uni and will grafuate as a technician, she has a wonderful boyfriend and friends who lives overseas and she has plans to leave the country in some future. Im obviously beyond happy for them and what theyre achieving but i cant keep acting like im not rotting with envy, they have so much going on for themselves and so many people around them i feel like at any moment i will no longer be part of their lives and theyre going to be okay with it. I cant keep acting like that wouldnt kill me inside, i love seeing them succed but i hate knowing that im such a failure in just doomed to fall behind and just watch as everyone moves on. Its always been like this with every friendship ive had and at this point i dont know how longer am i willing to take it, this crippling feeling is something you never get used to, it always hurt the same and living out of resignation is horrible. i dont want to live a life repeating this painful meaningless cycle.

Username: Ryan MullenRyan Mullen

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w ago

Hey! I would love to be your friend.

Username: leafwavesleafwaves

Date posted: 38w ago

Thats very sweet, tho i dont know how i would go on about an online friendship, thank you tho, i appreciate it very much

Username: Ryan MullenRyan Mullen

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w ago

@leafwaves I have made several friends on here. We just text.

Username: Hippest HobbitHippest Hobbit

Date posted: 38w ago

I'm really sorry you feel this way. I feel or felt this way for a very long time in my life. I felt like I couldn't make friends and everytime I tried I seemed to make it worse. For a while I thought I was just an unlikable person that would never have friends again. OCD can make this isolating feeling even worse and make it feel like every little thing is a reason for people to dislike me. The only way I stopped this is by just going out and trying to put myself out there. I still get the feeling and fear that people will hate me or dislike me but I try to push through it and things usually work out.

Username: leafwavesleafwaves

Date posted: 38w ago

Im glad its gotten better for you and that does make me feel a bit better, do you any advice on socializing?? Im talking as someone who doesnt have any place to go to make friends (school, workplace, etc)

Username: Hippest HobbitHippest Hobbit

Date posted: 38w ago

@leafwaves I would try vontunteeting some where. Find people that share a passion as you. The sad truth is if you want to meet people than you have to put yourself out there. Some people will betray your trust and hurt you but it's worth it to make some connections with people. People don't put themselves out there because they are afraid of being hurt or judged, but what is far scarier is if you don't put yourself out there and nothing changes.

Username: leafwavesleafwaves

Date posted: 38w ago

@Hippest Hobbit I'll keep what you said in mind, thank you so much. I can think of a few places i could sign myself up for, but it will take me a while to fully put myself down for it

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 38w ago

I feel the exact same way! I feel like all my friendships are inevitably doomed to disintegrate and I will be left behing again and again. It's such a terrible feeling, I can't even take it. After years of feeling lonely, I finally found a friend that cares enough to actually talk to me, and I was (and am) living in fearful, anxious anticipation of the moment they leave me, just like all my other relationships end up. In fact, I was so jealous of them at one point and so scared of the moment that they will leave me, as soon as something happened that I interpreted them as leaving me behind and finding someone else they prefer more than me, I overreacted and told them I was basically done talking to them forever, and it hurt them really bad. We made up, and we are talking a lot still. We are online friends, and I'm very skeptical about online friendships too, but we met online and just kept talking, and here we are a month or more later! The friendship certainly wasn't rushed or forced, it just happened. Neither of us were looking for a friend. And there's no formality in it either, we didn't say "let's be friends", so I guess I can't even say they feel the same way, but we do talk. I hope that that didn't come across as bragging about my friend; I really do understand how you feel, and in no way am I trying to invalidate your feelings. It's a super terrible feeling. And again, I can't even say if they consider me a friend or not. Anyway, I read all of your post. I heard you, and I am in a very similar boat. I care about how you feel, and I am listening to whatever you have to say! I'm willing to just talk as well if that's what you want.

Username: leafwavesleafwaves

Date posted: 38w ago

This means a lot, im glad you have a friend who sticks with you and it gives me hope i can get over my own insecurities one day. I kind of want to tell my friend about how i fell left behind, but i cant bring myself to do since i feel like that would come off as entitled/codependent and would make them do things out of pity or out of compromise and i would absolutely hate that, besides the fact that its not like they own me more time or attention. Also thank you for that last part <3 kind of wish you could dm ppl in this app since im not really comfortable sharing my other social media here

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 38w ago

@leafwaves I have a ton of insecurities atm. I am far from the person I want to be. If you want, you could tell your friend how you feel, even the parts you included about entitlement and pity. (I don't like pity either, and I'm trying to learn not to rely too much on others. I really understand all that you said.) Yeah, I seriously wish that you could dm people on here. I met this other person on these NOCD posts as well, and we eventually exchanged social media information and then deleted the messages with that information so it wasn't "public" for very long. For now, if you want to chat, we can talk on these NOCD posts -- that's how we talked for the first few weeks, and it worked pretty well actually. So we don't even need to exchange contact info either -- we can just chat on here for as long as we want.

Username: leafwavesleafwaves

Date posted: 38w ago

@Anonymous I'll think about it, tho it will take a whole lot of courage to open up (its weird since we've been friends for a very long time and i'm still afraid of these kind of things) I do think i'd like to keep talking to you, do you have discord?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 38w ago

@leafwaves Yes, I could give you it if you want. Or, for now we can talk on here, and I can give you it later if you want to keep talking. Either way :)

Username: JerseygalJerseygal

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w ago

@leafwaves Also, you don't have to confess every single thing to your friends. I've noticed that as a strong trait in people who suffer from OCD that they must tell them everything otherwise they're not being authentic.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 38w ago

@Jerseygal Very true! But it's also important to express your feelings, as long as it's not done out of compulsion. It really depends on the context, and it is good to be mindful.

Username: leafwavesleafwaves

Date posted: 38w ago

@Anonymous I'd like to have your discord!

Username: leafwavesleafwaves

Date posted: 38w ago

@Anonymous I sent you a friend request, tell me if i got the right user

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 38w ago

@leafwaves I got it and accepted it

Username: Lavander

Date posted: 4y ago

Ocd makes me feel so lonely. I crave for intimacy and being understood and cared for so much but it's like I'll never have any of these. I just overthink over stuff that makes me feel like crap, and I can't get them out of my mind. I'm set to lead a miserable life, stuck with my broken mind. This is no way to live.

Username: I eat boys

Date posted: 4y ago

Unrelated to OCD, I just want to go off for a couple of sentences: I have no friends or any memories to look back on. Never been on a date or had someone who cared about me. I’m tired of being alone, it’s one of the reasons that I have so many mental health issues. I have always had no friends. Never been out or anything. I’m tired of this loneliness and I’m almost 20, I can’t make anymore friends because it’s not the same when you’re an adult. That’s all.

Username: Faye June

Date posted: 3y ago

Hey, just looking for some none-OCD advice, as at the moment I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I’m gonna try and keep it short, so I don’t bore you! So, I’m from England, and I’m 16. At 16 in the UK, you go from high school to 6th form, where you spend two years doing something called your ‘A levels’, and then you go to university at 18, like all countries. I’ve been in college for 8 months now, but I’d say 65-70% of my time has been spent online - so I’ve only had a relatively small amount of time to make true friends. I had solid friends throughout high school, and I say I tilt quite a lot towards being an extravert. Ever since coming to 6th form, a lot of the people who I was friends with, went to a different school, and some of the people who were acquaintances I barely see now, because the school is so large. Basically, since coming to college I only have 2 true friends, and one of those has basically separated herself from me (she’s a bit of a bitch, but that’s another story - we’ve basically been best friends since we were 4 but she routinely ditches me) I’ve found that no one ever messages me anymore. I’ve got plans to go to the city with me and 3 other girls next Sunday - but I organised it. They were all excited, but I’ve only been invited out once by one of my other friends. I just feel like no one likes me, and that I’m repulsive to people - I know it’s irrational, but the fear that I’m just unlikeable terrifies me, as I want nothing more than a big group of friends and that’s not what I have at the minute. I’m desperate for someone to be like “hey, Ellie do you wanna come and sit with us”, but they don’t. And I’m usually just sat with one of my close friends, who I love. She’s popular, and people like her more than me but she’s self-admittedly introverted and I’m not. Ugh, this is long now. But does anyone have any advice? I’ve made a lot of acquaintances, but they all have their own friendship groups from high school - but I don’t because a lot of my friends went to a different school. I’m miserable because of this at the moment, and I feel worthless.

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