OCD Intrusive Urges

@Lilly2442! I’m replying to both your messages. It is really terrifying. I also worry about losing control. And it feels like at any moment it’s going to happen. Especially when I’m in high anxiety or when I feel like I’m outside my body.

@Lilly2442! Very common fear. This was my overriding fear when i was around knifes and scissors. Almost all my themes have this at the core of it.

@benjita1 How do you over come this I suffer from harm ocd and I get so anxious about it. The fear of losing control is my main fear

@Lilly2442! Following because I have the EXACT same. To the point at times it feels like I’m about to lose control.

@Lilly2442! I have had therapy to help with this and although the thoughts are there in the background they don’t cause the same distress as they once did. However I still get issues with other themes. I keep reminding myself I have OCD and it’s not me which does help.

@Catlove9 Do you ever question yourself when the anxiety is so intense or during a panic like “this time it’s different, I’m going to lose control and act on my thoughts”

@Lilly2442! Yes. It’s the absolute worst. This happened just last night and into this morning. It feels like I’m at the end where I can’t handle it anymore and am about to lose control. It’s also harder for me when it feels like it’s either something I want or something I have to do. That coupled with being worried I’m about to lose control is so terrifying.

@Catlove9 Wow. This is how I feel. How do you manage? Are you on medication

@Lilly2442! I’m not on medication and I’m trying to manage by just accepting the presence of all these emotions and thoughts and sensations but it’s really really hard.

@Catlove9 Same! I’m scared of medication but these thoughts and urges are so strong just feel like I can lose control any minute when panic is present it’s 10X worse.

@Troll1224 Gotcha. I get intrusive harm ocd urges where it feels like I’m going to act on the thought. It’s absolutely terrifying.

@Catlove9 Same here when I have really high anxiety or during a panic episode I have a fear I’ll act on my thoughts because it’s so intense and scary

@Lilly2442! I feel off all the time. Like I’m not myself or I’m not inside my body. So it makes it feel more real. Like right now I’m experiencing it and it’s making me feel like I’m about to lose control. The urges are the absolute worst.

@Catlove9 SAME!

@Catlove9 When I have intrusive thoughts about my food being drugged or messed with I get so anxious and then start feeling weird after I eat it. This steams from my fear of losing control so it’s so hard I’m legit having a panic attack rn thinking my drink was messed with

@Lilly2442! I cannot tell you enough how exactly you’re explaining me. And OMG about the food! I do the same thing ! And yes. It always feels different so it’s always catching me. And because of this, I get in this scared state where it feels like I have to hold myself back. If that makes sense.

@Lilly2442! Hopefully i didn’t say anything to scare you!

@Catlove9 No you didn’t scare me I’m in the same boat as you. I have really bad harm thoughts and vivi pictures in my head and it’s so scary. Just wanted to talk to someone who can relate.

@Catlove9 Yes I feel like I’m holding myself back too especially during a panic when the what if I just lose control? And I can see it in my head happening (me losing control) and it causes me MORE ANXIETY or when I think what if I hurt someone and I can picture it in my head happening it causes me anxiety and feels more real cause I can see it happening in my head if that makes sense? The intrusive thoughts+ the internal intrusive images are so horrible

@Lilly2442! Yes. The same thing happens to me. And then the feeling in my body like it’s about to happen. Like I’m about to act. For example if I’m laying down, it feels like I’m about to jump up and act on the thoughts. It’s very scary for me. I start to feel so beat down. Like I’m not longer myself and I’ve changed who I am. I think this is the hardest for me. Well this and false memory.

@Catlove9 Yes! Same. It’s so hard. How long have you been struggling with harm ocd?

@Lilly2442! It’s been 5 years now since I’ve started with harm ocd. I’ve always had ocd (I’m 36 now) but it was always more around perfectionist and health ocd and false memory. Then one day I had this horrible panic attack and in the middle of it, I had this feeling like I was going to lose control and hurt someone and it scared me half to death. That’s when it started for me. It was so random and was like a light switch. How about you?

@Catlove9 Yeah I get it. I’ve had ocd my whole life since I was 8 but my thoughts started at 18. It was kinda similar to how yours started. During a panic attack I thought I was going to lose control. Legit thought I was going crazy!

@Lilly2442! Same here. Right now I’m really struggling. I am with my boyfriend and it feels like I am going to hurt him. When this happens, it always feels like”different this time.” Sometimes it feels like “oh you don’t have a choice you have to do it” or “this isn’t ocd”. I am very terrified at the moment.

@Catlove9 When you get scared from the intrusive thoughts what feelings arise for you??

@Lilly2442! A ton of anxiety and fear. Like to the point where I don’t feel like I’m inside my body. It also feels like my body is going to move on its own. Sometimes it feels like this is actually what I want which brings me more anxiety. It also feels like this feeling will never go away.

@Catlove9 Wow same! The anxiety is so intense

@Lilly2442! It really is. I wish this part of it would go away.

@Catlove9 I hope you get better! Feel free to reach out if needed :)

@Lilly2442! You as well!

@Catlove9 Hi sorry to bother you just wanted to see how your doing :)

@Lilly2442! Ugh not good. Yesterday and into today is awful. Everything seems more real. And then I had dreams about my false memories. How are you?

@Catlove9 I am sorry I barely saw this but I’m not doing to well either the intrusive thoughts+ physical feelings feel so real and overwhelming. I feel like at any moment I will lose control :(

@Lilly2442! I know what you mean. Mine is also ramped up and it feels like I “want” to do it. It’s so scary.

@Catlove9 How do you mange to deal without meds?

@Lilly2442! It’s very difficult. It probably would help me alleviate the anxiety. But then I try to remind myself that the meds will definitely help but if my brain is powerful enough to make me feel this crappy, it also has to be powerful enough to turn it around.

@Catlove9 Wow that’s such a good way to think. I actually took my meds today for the first time ever and it made me so anxious and I took such a low does like not even 1mg. And I’m just so scared to continue them because my anxiety is so strong

@Lilly2442! They will help you! It does take several weeks to kick in. I’ve been on Prozac before. What are you taking?

@Catlove9 Fluoxetine

@Catlove9 Yeah I had a bad reaction to Zoloft so I’m on guard when I took this one

@Lilly2442! Fluoxetine is Prozac so that’s what I was on! It definitely helps the anxiety. Just make sure to give it time. Your anxiety may go up in the first few days but it’s totally okay. And they may need to adjust. I think for OCD the dose is a little higher. I didn’t have any bad side effects!

@Catlove9 I can’t even bring myself to take my require does which is 5MG I have health anxiety also so it’s just so hard.

@Lilly2442! Same thing happened to me actually. They had to start me off so so so low. You won’t feel much at that dose. Trust me. I was freaking out too but didn’t really notice

@Catlove9 Ugh. It’s so hard. I feel like I’ll lose control if I take my required dose which is 5ml since that’s my theme right now and that’s what my intrusive thoughts are about so I’m just trying to work my way up but I’m just terrified I’m so hyper aware of every bodily change too idk how to just let it be without freaking out you know?

@Lilly2442! I completely know 100%! That’s how I am. I can’t even drink caffeine because of that same fear. I guess you could look at it as an exposure. That’s what I had to do when I was taking it.

@Catlove9 Yea hyper awareness and hyper sensitivity is so bad. Any tips or advice to help with taking the meds? And why’d you stop taking meds if you don’t mind answering

@Lilly2442! My advice and tip would be to trust the doctors and take it. You could even write an ERP script to help. Do not look up anything around the medication. I stopped taking it because I have autoimmune diseases and I always worry about triggering them and being in pain. But honestly, that’s probably my OCD. I would greatly benefit from taking them most likely. The brain is just an organ like anything else so if it needs meds, that’s okay. Just like a heart or stomach.

@Catlove9 Hey how are you now??

@Lilly2442! I am doing alright. I started a new job so all my OCD is intensified. How are you?

@Catlove9 Im not doing well my anxiety is terrible along with the intrusive thoughts.

@Lilly2442! Oh no. What’s going on?

@Catlove9 I just have thoughts of what if I start yelling for no reason this comes from my fear of losing control and when I’m anxious I feel like I’m going to do it. It causes me to panic

@Catlove9 Hbu? What are you dealing with :(

@Lilly2442! This happened to me yesterday. Or a very close variation. I thought “what if I just start freaking out for no reason?” It’s terrifying. I’m dealing with a lot of odd depersonalization and feeling very weird. It’s hard to explain. lol

@Catlove9 No I understand you cause I feel the same. The thoughts are causing DPDR and overall feeling out of it

@Lilly2442! Yes! Same here. It just feels like the more I have them, the worse it gets and then I spiral more and it feels like I’m going to just pass out.

@Catlove9 If you don’t mind me asking what themes/ intrusive thoughts are you struggling with currently?

@Lilly2442! I’m currently having a mix. One is harm. One is my false memories. And one is about worrying I took a new job and made a mistake.

@Catlove9 Aw man :( I’m currently struggling with false and harm ocd too:(

@Lilly2442! So what’s going on? Like what are you worried about?

@Catlove9 So basically I’m scared of schizophrenia. So anything that has to do with that I’m scared of. I’m having intrusive thoughts about losing control and yelling things or just going crazy. I get an urge to yell for no reason and it’s causing anxiety/ panic.

@Lilly2442! Yup. I’ve had this EXACT same thing. It’s absolutely terrifying. Are you able to still live your life?

@Catlove9 Honestly no.

@Catlove9 Hbu?

@Lilly2442! It’s really hard. I started that new job and it’s made it so much harder because I’m now even more scared to make a fool out of myself. But I’m forcing myself to. It sucks so bad.

@Catlove9 You’re so brave. That’s actually ERP your doing it. Do you take meds

@Lilly2442! No. I probably should but it just makes me more scared for some reason.