I can't have one moment of peace without my brain digging up a mistake I've made whether I made it today or 10 years ago. My OCD leaves me completely heartbroken. I have 0 self esteem because it makes me feel like I'm horrible and evil. I know I've done truly awful things but I was a kid. Now all I do is fumble and hurt over every decision. I've become extremely paranoid - I feel the need to delete all social media and photos and traces of myself, for instance. I regret every text message I send. I'm struggling so much you guys. I don't want to post too much but I'm really really struggling.

Thank you so much. I can hardly make it an hour without the urge to cry and I feel like there's no one else this crazy. I do the researching thing constantly. I have labeled myself something horrible in my head even though younger me didn't know how messed up her actions were. I feel like I'll never feel clean and innocent again. And the worst part is I can't talk about anything to anyone without completely freaking them out. I just want to feel brand new and have good days like I used to. Did your realization come all at once one day? I'm so happy to hear you're doing better. ♥️

I was in the exact same place last year. I researched topics on what I’ve done as a kid and the reason behind it and it’s a type of anxiety that completely consumes you because it was once real. I overcame this by realizing that it was ONCE real. Despite the severity of the mistake that was made, you are no longer a child, and you have a COMPLETELY different mindset. It’s easier said than done but you really have to forgive yourself before you experience it a second time through memory. You’re not horrible nor evil. Everyone makes mistakes, but it’s important that you try not to make the same one again. From what I’m reading, it implies that you’re nowhere near making the same mistake from 10 years ago (or today). Take it one day at a time ❤️ I believe in you

It just happened when I stopped obsessing over it. It was weird but I just moved on because I kept hitting the same walls over and over again. There’s a period where you become stronger than your thoughts and move on, but in order to get to that place, you have to accept the things that you did in the past.

Oh and I eventually told my therapist. It may sound HORRIBLE in our heads, but once it comes out, it seems less harmful (and trust me, what I did was bad).

I've had many therapists but none that specialize in OCD related thoughts unfortunately, and I'm not from a city with great mental healthcare. I think it would be a huge, powerful step for me to get it out to a therapist but I'd want them to understand where it's coming from. I'm scared of being misunderstood and reported or something. That was so brave of you to finally share with someone! Was that your turning point or did it just take time?

Sorry if I'm getting on your nerves I'm just super interested in hearing anything that was a game changer for you

It took a little time after that, at the time, I didn’t know it was ocd and neither did my therapist. And you’re not getting on my nerves at all! It’s nice that I can finally find someone that I can relate to!