I have a problem that I'm scared to catch a serious illness like hiv or aids from kissing people or becoming to close to them. It makes me get away from people and I have problems in relationships because I cant trust them if they are clean and I'm too freak... this Sunday I kissed a girl I met on tinder and she made me an scar on my mouth... and now I feel terrible cause if her blood got into my scar I may have caught hiv. I have been 3 days on terrible distress and this sucks... I dont know how to not think about it and I really dont talk to this girl anymore, I checked her mouth 2 or 3 times for injuries or blood (she didn't had any and I dont know if she has hiv or not) but I'm in terrible distress just for the fact that I had an open cut while kissing her and thst kiss could have made me sick with hiv. I really hate this and I hate myself and my decisions of kissing her. And this combines qith my religious compulsions... I'm really hating myself, OCD and illness right now... I'm in big distress and just want to vent a little bit. I just hope I didn't caught hiv from kissing this girl that made me an open cut as I said before but I cant be sure and this makes me crazy.... I just hate it... and hate this thoughts

Listen. That’s what anxiety is, a but what about this and what about that. You know deep down that you didn’t catch anything. So trust that feeling. I’m going through that right now but you have to stay strong and determined to get through those what if’s. When I was very scared of getting herpes I’d think, what if this little bump on my mouth is herpes or what if he has herpes and just doesn’t know. But really that’s just my brain worrying. And nothing more to it.

This reminds me a lot of what I went through. It will get better. I promise you that. It will take time for you to expose yourself to your fears. But it will get better

And that’s okay. Don’t fight them off. At some point they will usually go away on their own

I hope so. Thanks!

You can’t get hiv from saliva if I’m correct. You can comply get hiv from blood entering your system. I had something like that before. Talk to the girl and be honest, for anyone you meet. I’d want to know if they had anything becuase that determines whether or not I wanna be with them. I had an ocd problem with being deadly afraid of herpes. I did tons of research on it which helped me and I would expose myself to germs. I used to never open doors with my sleeves, but now I open up them with my hand to get used to the germs becuase being a germaphobe isn’t healthy. It can be very exhausting. I don’t share drinks with people or food, and that’ll stick with me forever until maybe I have kids. Idk but for now I’m sticking with not sharing things with anyone becuase it makes me feel more secure and less scared. Establish boundaries with your partner so they understand what it is you genuinely don’t like. I told my partner that sharing a drink with another person who is just a friend is like cheating to me, not actually but it’s like cheating to my germaphobia. Hope this helps. It’ll get easier don’t worry.

Thank you very much. I know i cant get hiv from saliva but maybe she had an open cut as well or I did something to her or maybe bleeding gums. That is the thought that scares me... I hope I forget it eventually and I didn't catch the disease... I don't really know, I know that the amount of blood to get the disease is pretty big and I didn't saw that amount of blood while kissing her (I also checked her gums and lips) but damn I'm scared. Thank you very much!

Thank you very much. I'll try to expose myself I'd love more advise can give me some. Thanks!!!

Okay my advice 1. Expose yourself to your fears (ex, open up doors, with your hands, try do something without immediately putting on hand sanitizer 2. Establish boundaries (ex. Establish things that you just will not do, in my case I don’t share drinks with anyone or food except for with my partner and I also try to stay away from someone who just coughed

Thank you. Ill try to do as you say and I hope I didn't catch hiv from this girl... lets see what happens cause deep down I'm not sure of anything... thanks!

The uncertainty is what makes me anxious and I'm just hoping and praying that her blood didn't get into my mouth in any moment and if I did it wasnt enough to catch the virus... I will try to hold onto that though and try to calm down.. I didn't saw her blood but I'm really scared that it was there... because of that I checked her mouth like a freak and I'm still scared and I'll be for weeks... I'm hating myself for the decision of kissing her and the though of catching hiv from kissing her... but meh, I've to live with this obsession I guess... so let's see what happens and let's hope I didn't caught the virus. Thank you for listening, helping and sharing! Thanks!!!!!

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have been through this several times though not for many years now. I wouldn’t wish this type of OCD on my worst enemy and I hope it passes for you soon. You are not alone. OCD triggered by a fear of AIDS/HIV is a very common thing.

Have you felt any symptoms of hiv? You may feel reassured if none of those symptoms occur to you or if you really want to, go get tested. Has the girl you kissed had prior partners who’ve carried hiv?

Not yet but I may have. I have to wait around 3 months from exposure to get tested... none of the partners that I've kissed carried the disease (that I do know and i hope they dont)

Okay for now focus on living in the moment whenever you get that though don’t go to searching up symptoms or how you feel just focus on the breathing and living. It’ll get better

Thank you! I usually try that but the thoughts won't stop coming..