I've been in an on and off (mostly on) relationship for a little over 4 years. During this time my ocd and anxiety have been pretty consistent until the last year-ish. During the last year it's slowly gotten better and I have made great strides. I'm doing better than ever with minor flare ups, but nothing compared to before when ocd and anxiety ruled my mind. I was in counseling for a while last year (my counselor had to drop his clients for another job, I'll probably be back in counseling eventually but im not in a rush because I'm doing a lot better than when I started therapy) and that helped. Research about ocd has helped me. Most of all a strong will to get better has helped me most. One thing that I struggle with is that my girlfriend is my main trigger now. I don't have rocd and I don't obsess on her. Her carelessness (in reference to how careful I am in daily life), her kind of lack of common sense, her over emotional tendencies (I know females are naturally more emotional), the fact that she's so mean on her period that there's really no excuse, she treats me like a crush she's known for 2 weeks instead of her boyfriend of years, and she has a bit of a temper although she never crosses the line into abuse. All these things give me anxiety and bring back my intrusive thoughts. When she's gone they go back to a manageable place. When she's around or about to come around it is like a time bomb of ocd and anxiety. Most women I've dated (pretty much all casual except the woman I'm with now) have brought similar feelings out in me. I like living my daily life alone. I'm not sure if it's my girlfriend or just the fact that I'm in a relationship with another person regardless of who that person is triggers my ocd and anxiety. I'm a high twenties male dating a female that's my age. Sometimes I feel like I have no right to want to be treated differently since my ocd and anxiety are not easy to deal with, so dealing with other people's issues is just a fair trade? Idk. I'd really appreciate some input on my situation. Please feel free to comment your true thoughts. I'm not a sensitive person so realism is best for me.

So with me I have rocd and separation anxiety so when I’m away my ocd gets worse but when I’m with him I’m at peace. To me this seems toxic. You take a lot crap from her and she never seems to change. I think what ur wanting doesn’t have to do with ocd but rather with wanting to be treated better. When u get upset about what she does does the thoughts bring you anxiety ?

Never mind I think it does have to do with ocd. Maybe there’s some childhood stuff you have to work on

But it still seems toxic Bc you are struggling with how she is

Maybe you have bad taste in women

I had bad taste in men . I haf bf for 3 years . 80% of time o had anxiety from his shitty behaviour . Im single and happy now .

Sometimes I feel like I have no right to want to be treated differently since my ocd and anxiety are not easy to deal with, so dealing with other people's issues is just a fair trade? -> what do you mean here

Probably the worst thing she does is insult herself, I even made her leave my house for hitting herself. She also gets mad a lot and just uo and leaves. She's always done that period or not, but that's a terrible trigger for my anxiety because it leaves stuff so unresolved. She's also so stubborn that usually I have to fix things. Last time we got in a bad fight she called my mom behind my back to complain about me and it caused a whole issue with my family. I was so upset I wouldn't initiate any peace making. I really thought that should've been her. So we didn't talk for days because she's stubborn and doesn't really play the peace making role ever. The only reason she did is because my mom called her and told her talking about her issues with me to my own probably wasn't the best idea.

Sounds a bit toxic mixed with childish to me but every situation is individual . So Idk . I judge from this short text

I think you answered yourself

I mean

She seems toxic and childish from what you write. But I'm just here in the internet . But you answered yourself that you're happier when you don't talk to each other . Idk if it's ocd . It's maybe your character that you want everything to be right .

My advice is that in my opinion love is when you can be alone but you prefer to be with the person you love in good and bad moments. Idk But when the person you love makes you feel bad then maybe it's not love ?

When she acts out my anxiety and ocd go straight toy contam ocd. Especially with her. The first thing I feel once the dysfunction pops up is that something is going wrong, something is broken, something is going to make me sick, I lose trust in her completely. I start to feel she's going to be the one to "contaminate" or "break" things accidently. I start paying more attention to what she's doing and saying and stop talking almost completely. As you can see from the way I tyoe, I rarely stop talking completely for long periods of time. Its weird that she brings out my contam ocd as much as actual contamination does. What I mean by that is she makes me as nervous about (one of my triggers is laundry, I'm so picky about it) laundry. If there's laundry in the machine, I get just as nervous as if she dumped a bag of rocks in there. Obviously my fear isn't that she dumped rocks in there, but it's equal to if she actually did. And we won't even be talking about laundry. Like when she started calling herself a piece of shit, I started worrying about the TV I was watching. I thought my TV was gonna fall off the wall, get scratched, get wet, stop working. I didn't want her near it even though I wouldn't say that to her. But the TV was never mentioned, it was just there so when my anxiety hit my ocd just worried about the most expensive thing in the room somehow being compromised. I hope that makes sense.

Sorry I type such long paragraphs. I wish I could my point across using shorter descriptions.

Let me tell you my example . I was dating a guy for 3 months last year. It was cool in the begining . I had lots of fun with him. But last month was teribble . . He was the type of person who wanted to be right all the time. Like he thought he had life figured out and I have to listen to him . . And I just couldn't take this behaviour anymore. Every time when I was going to meet him I had dirrahea so I had to stop meeting him for my own sake . Sometimes our bodies tell us what we want . If you get anxiety when you're with her maybe you should think abt it

Idk . Take her to psychiatrist maybe and therapist and do some blood test. Her behaviour is part of her persona . If she doesn't wanna work this out then I would leave . Life is too good for wasting time for dramas

Toxic people can change but! Only if they want to !

Dont take meds my friend if you don't need to. Sorry for your mom . And abt your gf , when I was taking birth control I was very angry all the time maybe quoting birth control can help . But remember ! It's a gold thought ! You need to make your star shine first (Or something like that ) She's lucky that you can stand her.

This conversation made me anxious cause I remembered all problems with all ex asholles .:( gonna chill with my cat now

but I got curious . Where are you from ?

Yes . It made me very very angry . But angry not like from emotions inside but like I was aggressively angry . Me I'm from Gdansk in Poland in Europe:D

Person1111 also nose spray for allergies with -Mometasone (Mometasone Furoate) made me crazy. It's cortcosteroid .

A lot of the things she does pushes my buttons but they are not morally wrong. I'm kind of just at a point where I don't know if I want a partner in life at all right now as I finish healing but I'm also trying to figure if it's her personality that's not compatible with mine or if I crave being a lone and being a bachelor like I was for so many years. I live alone and have long before I met her so I have so much freedom. Having her around makes me feel like it's gone and I'm not sure if it's her or me. One thing I can say is I'm not so sure she really understands me as much as she thinks she does or maybe as much as I think she should. Its making my choices kind of tough. I'm not having anxiety about it, but it seems like a fact if my life that my anxiety will be back when she comes around. Whenever I bring it up she gives an answer that sounds like it's coming from a senator or polition. Like "I'm sorry I'll fo what I can to make this right." things like that, but she never actually seems to have me figured out.

I mean like, here's a perfect example, she's really mean on her periods and acts out and is basically a different person and kind of just blames it on the period. I kind of feel obligated to accept it because I have anxiety and ocd and she has to deal with that. So I have a conflict of should I just accept her bad periods? She doesn't work on it, I work on my anxiety. That's the biggest difference between us. She doesn't have a mental illness so she doesn't stride to change like me. Since I have one I always am trying to get better because if I don't get better I will get worse. That's not hyperbole it's just a fact of my ocd.

I think with a proper partner you feel safe and good in every situation it shouldnt be like living with a bomb . Once i watched something like oprah but polish version in a tv and there was a man with tourret syndrome talking abt his daily life. He had the worse character of tourett and in short his story was abt this that all symptoms stopped when he met love of his life. Haha but Idk I'm not a relationship specialist

Hormones are terrible . Idk what she does on her period . Example please. I'm dying in bed when I have period

Up* and leaves

To my own mother* probably wasn't the best idea

But I guess something big I identified is Im always the peacemaker which puts a lot of pressure on me. If I don't make things right we don't talk which idk if that's functional.

Do you think I'm having rocd and don't realize it? It doesn't really feel like ocd as much as it feels like I'm trying to just figure this out. To be honest when we didn't talk for days after that fight I was happier.

Yeah and I also could go out of my way to talk about all the good things but the good things are mostly like "I pay for the groceries, she cooks the food" like we're really balanced and play our roles out in a healthy way. It's not a lopsided relationship in that way. It's definitley a good service relationship. And I don't mind that, I just wish she didn't bring out so much anxiety. And I kinda feel like I don't make her the happiest either but she won't admit it.

Are you a perfectionist?

I'm a perfectionist in some ways, but I tolerate a lot. Like last time we hung out she kept calling herself a piece of shit. I just said "no you're not" the first two times and tried to let her bad mood go away on its own. When she said a third time I was like "okay you need to stop saying that it's bringing us both down." So it's not like I need her to be perfect. I just can't handle it well when I try to blow it off and she won't stop. But it's not like I have no tolerance for dealing with annoying behavior. I'll deal with it some, but when it gets in the way of our night after about an hour or two I just get anxiety and feel like there's really nothing I can do.

Yeah I hope we can make it work soon because I do care about her a lot and I know there's so much potential. Hopefully we get there.

Maybe she has some hormone problems? My friend has hasimoto and she has terrible moods. I had Anemia from trying to be a vegan and I had REALY BAD mood swings

I can actually deal with it somewhat. I don't want to be unreasonable because everyone's moody sometimes. I just have a hard time identifying if this is normal and I should get used to it and tame the anxiety I get or if maybe this is dysfunctional and I need to get away be more it causes me more anxiety.

Before*

It definitley is an ocd issue after things get started. Her presence alone doesn't bring out my ocd though, just when she acts out. Like when she calls herself names, hits herself, is mean on her period, gaslights a fight, and just acts chaotic in general. When she's acting like a "normal" or basically just behaving in a manner that isn't dysfunctional or chaotic my ocd never pops up. But lately things have been getting more toxic and dysfunctional, so the anxiety and ocd around her have been more frequent.

I guess maybe I should look at this and talk to her about it because after typing it all out and explain it I've kind of identified the behavior that's triggering more than when I just try to speak my mind to her. I almost want to write some of this down and talk to her about it. Is that too petty to go someone with notes about our relationship?

I did ask her if maybe trying to get off her birth control might help with her hormones and mood. It was only a brief thing and I knew it would be a sensitive topic but maybe we need to look into that. The last thing I want is to go on meds because of her. I take klonopin as needed for panic and I hardly ever take it anymore. I don't panic like I used to and my ocd doesn't last like it used to. But I'm starting to wonder if I need meds to deal with this and at that point I feel like going on more meds to make a relationship work is a bad idea. My mom is mentally ill, far worse symptoms than me and she's on tons of meds, and she always tells me to get on meds. But that's a last resort for me, I was on ssri's years ago and they have me some suicidal thoughts so I'm trying to avoid that and only use more meds as an absolute last resort.

Birth control made you angry? Maybe it is the bc. I kind of had a feeling it might be. I'm from the US. I live a few miles from Detroit in Michigan. Wbu? Ive noticed there are people from all around the world on this app which is so cool.

Here is what WORKED for me: -Think of ur mind as a second person, as person who always with u, its not u but another person. -This way u know that ur mind is seperate from u. -Now just observe all the thoughts & emotions thrown at u by ur mind(the second person). -Do not fight or react, only observe, acknowledge and let the thoughts stay. -Now you can see that this person(ur mind) is mostly talking rubbish. - Then u can process the useful thoughts & ignore the useless thoughts.