Low self esteem and addiction 18+

Hi, Lizzie. I'm sorry you go through that as well. It really does suck. But at the same time, I don't know what else to do but look because I always think it'll make me feel better. I hope you've been well lately. I've been on and off.

@BigGyro09 I'm doing good. How about you? Well these days I was seeking for reassurance on reddit. Almost every hour. And I was on TikTok so my anxiety increase. I'm always looking for people who are living similar situations as me. And of course I never find them. Sometimes I read some comments that really bothers me and give me more intrusive thoughts and groinals. But today I watched some videos and I tried to be more empathetic w myself and it is working!

@Lizzie Scheav Wow. I didn't know your situation was so very similar to mine. I'm surprised. I've been doing that here and there on forums if not on Reddit. I'm sorry you've been going through that. We can talk about what you're going through if you'd like. I'll listen. I look up forums and see things that are just worse but the groinals make me feel so awful and I just stop looking altogether. The thoughts don't help either. I also watched videos and just did drawings to try and ease myself out of this. But yeah, I'd be totally down to listen to what your situation is about.

@Lizzie Scheav I'm also glad being kind to yourself is working! It's something we all need to do in practice!

@BigGyro09 I don't talk so much about it because of my poor English lol and because my fear of being judged 😢 Groinals and dreams are my worst enemies of all time. They trigger me in a inhuman level and I simply think "I need some prof" I know it's bad to look up forums but my OCD brain needs this. If I don't search I feel depressed and if I search I feel anxious lol

@Lizzie Scheav Your English is completely fine! I'd never judge you for something like that. It's not easy learning a language, and you've been doing a great job with speaking to people on here! :) I'm sorry that OCD gets you in your sleep. I have that problem as well when it comes to real events that have happen. They aren't real in the dreams but they are more or less thoughts that I get when I'm awake. Groinals absolutely suck but they can't be controlled and they are false feelings that OCD tries to use against you. Sometimes, we just feel those feelings and they don't have to mean anything about us! You feel like you need to do compulsions because if you don't you'll feel like it's true. Have you ever tried sitting with those feelings and not doing the compulsions? It's to prove to yourself that you can handle those feelings without needing to do the things that makes you anxious! Those feelings can go away and you'll be okay afterwards!

@BigGyro09 There is a lot of content about OCD in English. But I always judge myself. Groinals kill me. Sometimes I don't even have thoughts, but I have a lot of anxiety about getting them, so I get them 😅 I can't be at peace without seeking for reassurance. But I'll try, I promise. How about you? How was your day?

@Lizzie Scheav It's okay. I think you're doing a great job of learning English! Groinals really do suck. When they pop up at the worst time, you just think to yourself "no why did my body do that" and it sucks. But it just can't be controlled sometimes. Don't push yourself too hard with sitting with uncertainty. Take it slow. I've been doing pretty good today so far. How about you? :)

@BigGyro09 Yes, when my POCD was triggered I remember I had a groinal and I thought "OMG, what's that? It's the confirmation" at time I get really bad and depressed. It was in 2021 and I barely remember my 19 years 😢 I had groinals when I was 13 too. I think I experienced hocd. At that time I thought I was not girly enough and I was very shy. I have some relapses about that time. I remember looking at girls and getting GR and it was awful and scary. I started daydreaming about a perfect life because of that. I always liked boys... So a experienced groinal with annoying sounds too. I tried to not get these sensations randomly (I tried to found why I had these sensations when I was angry or anxious on Google, but I never found decently answers). When I stop to think my OCD was with me my whole life. Since kid... It's hard 😭

@Lizzie Scheav About my day... Well I went to my job and seek for reassurance on internet the entire time... I'm not proud of this. I'm better now and I'm considering to order some Japanese food (which makes me feel good 🥰)

@Lizzie Scheav That's very young to be struggling with OCD. I'm really sorry that it has been this way for such a long time. I've started having the problems I have now at 13 years old too. As for my OCD, it began 4 years ago, a little bit after the pandemic began. I was so worried I was a sexual deviant of a p because of something I did to someone else when I was still a teenager. At the time, I just didn't understand why I was thinking about this over and over. It's like my brain changed that one night permanently. It was pretty scary. Then it jumped from one worry to another and it's still sort of doing that to this very day. Deep down you know you are attracted to guys and not girls, but your OCD will continue to try and challenge you by using groinals and maybe even thoughts of girls to try and trick you. The false feelings are so hard to get through when it comes to this, but with enough resistance and saying no to compulsions, it does get easier. :) You're definitely not alone!! I'm so glad we've eventually stumbled upon this app to come together as a community to voice out struggles with this and work together to get through it

@Lizzie Scheav It's okay if you gave into compulsions. It will happen and it's not your fault. The goal still, is to try and lessen them but they will happen. I'm glad you had time to treat yourself though! Self love like that always matters. :)

@BigGyro09 Hii, how are you? Must be so hard live with pocd since this young age. You're so strong and resilient! You must be proud of yourself!!!! Sometimes I can't resist the compulsions. I know the problems and the lack of anxiety that it will probably give me after... OCD sucks 😢 And I enjoyed my Japanese food (it's my comfy food) I really love to take a break from this and take care of myself. I wish you are doing the same!