Health OCD is bothering me again

I guess I could give that a try.. I just hate being remembered of the times where I've felt so awful and went to get checked out and they told me nothing was wrong with me then. I'm just afraid that something new has come up now and it's going to hit me when I least expect it. Something else that I've done was read on forums and incidentally found people in tougher situations where they did get STDs and infections but we're in treatment for it.

@BigGyro09 Yeah, I think that's the hardest part. Being reminded of the past. But unfortunately that comes with OCD. I know it doesn't feel like it but it gets better overtime. It might be slow progress but it will. Come at it with a maybe or maybe not approach. Or if that's too hard, try saying, "this is giving me anxiety" and acknowledging but not engaging. It takes practice but that's helped for me some too. The thing with STDs is that there is treatment, a lot of them temporary. Also idk if youre sexually active outside of self pleasure, but i dont think you can get an STD from self pleasure (and if you can its probs just bacterial and will clear up with meds). The worst thing about it is probably the stigma. So try to become neutral to those ideas. As far as Diabetes you're young and its something that builds up overtime, and I don't want to give you too much reassurance but like before just try to approach it neutrally. That's probably the one where I'd watch clips for exposure.

@Northern_Downpour I think what I just need to do is build up my self esteem to the point where I don't think like this anymore. Where I don't constantly default back to the past and just get upset at myself for what happened years ago, or how much I wish I didn't struggle with porn. I guess I just need to practice labeling my feelings and thoughts to better put them in perspective. I've done this more than once in therapy but my thinking patterns don't hold onto that for long. I'm not sexually active and I haven't been in the past. I've never had a partner. It's just that, I think I've injured myself when it's come to pleasure whether it'd be accidental or acting out completely which I have done because of boredom. I think the stigma reinforces the fallacies I already believe in, which doesn't help. There's just been times where I've gone after it vigorously and I'm afraid that's affecting my health somehow. I think what makes this solely difficult is that I literally can't help but judge myself about all this in some way. I just want to be able to practice what I'm preaching so that I don't do this. I've taken antibiotics in the past just in case there were any bacterial infections, but I don't know if they helped or I never had one to begin with or if my body just handled that on it's own. I guess I can start by saying "maybe there's something wrong, maybe not" I have other medical conditions that I did know I need evaluated but I'm not worried about those like I am the others.

@BigGyro09 I understand 100%. We are so alike, lol. If it means anything, I've never thought negatively once from everything you've told me. Even if you did have an STD or something, I still think you're a really cool and good person deserving of love in every way. I hope knowing theres people who see you as still deserving of love and self esteem can help you extend yourself the same kindness. You know yourself and who you are. Even if some people don't agree, that's their fault for being so judgemental.

@Northern_Downpour That's very sweet. I really appreciate that. I just wish my inner critic would see it that exact same way. I'm really really glad that we met through here. Talking to you always helps and always comforting to talk with someone that really just gets it. You're a really cool person and you deserve all that love too. You're very understanding and your compassion really does help. Everything you just said I wish for every single person here. It's just, I feel like I've seen really disturbing awful things and I've also done disgusting things from time to time when so hooked on this. I can't help but replay those scenarios in my head. And you're right. Those that don't understand aren't worth giving attention to. That took me some time to see as well. And yeah, we do have a lot in common

@BigGyro09 I'm glad we met too. It's nice to have someone else who understands what I'm going through and who I can (hopefully) help through their themes as well. But I get you. I've seen a lot of shit my OCD won't let me forget. The anxiety can be a lot sometimes. But it's like you said to me. You gotta remember you're not that person anymore. And that you're a victim more than anything else. You'll be okay. You're as deserving of love as anybody else. ♡

@Northern_Downpour You're absolutely right. I just need to keep reminding myself of what I try to tell others. I do really mean that for others but I just need to get used to thinking in that way. You've done so much to help me get through my themes just by having talks just like these. It's more than enough and I really appreciate it a lot. Despite all of the anxiety and the way we think, I think will be okay. I also have to remember that we're victims of what happened to us as well. I get lost in my thoughts and don't hang onto the truth of the matter. Thank you so much for everything you've done! :)

@BigGyro09 Thank you to you too, I think we'll both get out of it okay. And we have each other to help get through it 😊🖤