- Date posted
- 1y
Depressed
my ocd isn’t so bad anymore but after dealing w intensely disturbing intrusive thoughts 24/7 for like a year i didn’t come out of that unscathed. i really don’t like myself at all. and i think so much of how badly i see myself is from this stupid disease. i hate myself so much. and the worst part is everyone thinks i’m happy cos i’m “functioning” again which is somewhat true. ln i was really struggling and i felt like i couldn’t call a soul bcos they think i’m thriving. can u be happy and still just hate yourself tho? idk if that makes sense. i am superficially happy w all the good things externally but i just don’t feel like it’s worth anything or i deserve it. probs not the right place to post it but it’s BECAUSE of my ocd, i thoight i was a horrible person for so long, now it’s over i’m just like used to hating myself and i can’t stop. i want to stop, i just need to vent. i can’t even cry. ocd broke me. i used to cry A LOt. and i think that’s good but now i just lie there, i remember the day something inside me broke and just went into survival mode. i want to be happy, idk if it’s possible