bm111111

Date posted: 1y

I feel so sad

I can't stand checking things over and over again to make sure I'm not a bad person. Repeating actions in the expectation that it will prove something to me only makes it worse. But I can't stop checking. In fact, I can't stand a lot of things in my life, I feel exhausted, my mental health is shattered, I have no self-esteem, I don't feel like fighting for anything. Everything annoys me because I didn't want to be here, I wish I had never been born, my existence bothers me and brings me anguish. I wish I could choose not to exist anymore because I can't stand so much pain, so much sadness, so much anger at myself. I get up every day out of obligation, but I'd like to stay in bed until it's all over. I'd like to apologize to everyone I tell about this overwhelming desire to disappear, but I feel suffocated.

TheThinker

Date posted: 1y

Tell me what bothers you , I understand you and might have some tricks that ease it.

bm111111

Date posted: 1y

Literally everything, I can't stand existing in this world anymore

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I feel your pain and suffering. Try to write it out - I had a day the other day I said “I have so much self hatred”. Journaling it out helps. Matt Marshall video’s on YouTube about life work OCD are really excellent -speaking to the state you are in. Know you’re not alone in the feeling even though it feels the most isolating and painful.

bm111111

Date posted: 1y

I've tried a few times but I find it difficult, it must be the ADHD, my only moments of peace have been alone but at the same time the loneliness destroys me

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@bm111111 That’s understandable, we all have different things that work. When are some moments you feel connected?

bm111111

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous With my friends, but now I've moved to another city and I'm far from them

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@bm111111 Moving is hard. Have y’all scheduled any calls?

ambermayx

Date posted: 1y

hey you are not alone my ocd makes me feel like this when I have long episodes because it just feels like I’m on a continuous cycle that can’t be stopped It can be so hard to try fight it but I promise you are stronger than you think If you need someone to listen I’m here please talk to me If you don’t want to talk to anyone journal out everything you are feeling And then answer your feelings as if it was someone you love What would you tell them and what advice and encouragement would you give them I know it’s hard but this could temporarily make you feel better and help you cope in each episode

bm111111

Date posted: 1y

Thank you for that. Sometimes I feel the need to talk to someone but at the same time I feel guilty for having to externalize so many bad feelings I have about myself. The other day I vented to my father, although he's a good listener, he doesn't understand that some people just can't cope with life. He thinks that living is the best thing there is, I'd like to feel that, but all I feel is emptiness and a desire to disappear, to be forgotten by everyone

ambermayx

Date posted: 1y

@bm111111 I understand what you mean as I feel this way too and feel that I can’t talk to anyone which is why I like this app as I feel like people understand me more on here It’s so frustrating when people don’t understand you just know you are not alone in the way you’re feeling

bm111111

Date posted: 1y

@ambermayx Thank you for understanding, it's comforting

ambermayx

Date posted: 1y

@bm111111 no worries 💕

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 24w

I don’t want to do this anymore

I’m struggling so much, I don’t know what’s changed. I was doing so well for a solid two months and now it’s been over a month of just my lowest point. My bf has gotten upset at how much I do compulsions and it’s taxing him too. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be my partner right now. I feel exhausted I’m tired of my OCD finding new things to obsess or worry over. I’m so TIRED of getting stuck on technicalities. I’m so exhausted with the constant intrusive thoughts and intrusive thinking. I’m so sick of how compulsive I get when I’m so riddled with anxiety. I don’t want to keep pushing. It feels pointless if my life is going to be a constant loop of ups and extreme lows. I feel like such a disgusting, embarrassing person. I don’t want love because I don’t feel like I deserve it. I don’t want patience or understanding because it makes me feel so guilty. Like no one is understanding how bad of person I could truly be. I’m so lost and tired of this

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 21w

I’m so tired I just wanna be free

I know I keep talking about This but I’m too tired :( I’m really struggling and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I might be the only person who experiences this in the way I do. It’s gotten so bad that during intimacy or self-pleasure, I feel like I’m acting on a thought — like my body is moving because of it. It’s terrifying and deeply hurtful. The moment it happens, I immediately panic, try to rewind everything in my head, and ruminate to figure out what I was thinking at that exact second… but I can never remember. That makes it even worse. feel so lost and hopeless, like I’ll never be able to heal or move on from this. People tell me “it’s just OCD,” but it doesn’t feel like OCD to me. It feels like I’m the exception — like no one else truly experiences it like this, especially the part where it feels like I physically responded to a thought. I know people say “others go through this too,” but my mind keeps saying, “not like this, not this specific thing.”Sometimes I just wish I could go back and relive those moments so I could be sure what happened, but I know that’s not possible. I feel so stuck in guilt and doubt that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m scared I’m a bad person and that I’ll always feel this way. I’ll never be free or be the same again everyday I live with deep depression

moon0270

Date posted: 18w

Why is it this way

I feel like my life isn't my own anymore. I live by OCD's rules. I can't ever switch it off. I spend most of my day mentally reviewing and constantly checking myself. I have to do things in a certain way or i dont feel safe. All this time that i've lost and for what? Idk how I let thoughts have so much power over my life and yet here I am. Every day. I can't even get away from it in sleep because i have dreams about it and I wake up anxious if i manage to get any sleep at all. I'm so over it all.

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