OCD parenting

Peace to you all. I have sexual and contamination ocd. Being a father has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. Having ocd has made it challenging for me and unfair for my wife as I often burden her with seeking reassurance. Im a devout Muslim and value my family deeply. So being born with pocd and sexual ocd along with traumatic experiences throughout my life has been unbearable at times. Im also in the middle of moving to back home to my country and trying to balance work and family duties has flared my ocd. The other day i was multi tasking. My wife was talking to me and asked me to change our childs diaper, I was running late to a meeting while trying to get ready myself. I normally wash my hands after I change the babies diaper because of my contamination ocd. However due to the stress I was rushing I went straight to the toilet for myself before I left for a meeting an hour away. Since I didnt wash my hands and used those “dirty hands” for my own personal hygiene using the restroom the OCD said if i wipe with those hands its sexually inappropriate because I used it to change my babys diaper and didnt wash. I remember being mindful of the thought. Normally i would wash my hands or use s side of the toilet paper that didnt touch my hands. I was going back and forth in my head until i just wiped with the side that touched the hand i used to change my babys diaper and went about ny day. And since i used that hand for her hygiene snd my own my sexual ocd and contamination ocd has been freaking out saying i did something sexually inappropriate. Saying did i act on the thought “Why didnt i use the clean side? Why did i forget to wash my hands”. I feel like if i were to clean my hand it may be giving into s compulsion but if i dont than im doing something wrong snd inappropriate. It bothers me because its against my core values, i have no history of anything inappropriate, but ocd convince me this time its real or this time i did something bad or this time i had a ill intent. I cant afford therapy and dont have insurance coversge. Its been bothering me for a week and im unable to perform at work and am distancing myself from my family. I talked to my wife snd she reminds me im a good person. Its ocd. I didnt do anything. Othr people wouldnt worry about this. Please advise! 💔

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I’ve been trying some therapy. And honestly talking to some therapist and having them say it’s not you, just fear has been a big help. I also talk to people as well(which probably isn’t the best thing). I have bad flare ups. But I try and remind myself it’s all in my mind. It’s a struggle and like you, it’s worse because we have children that we want to love and be close to. I think the worse thing about this particular OCD is that it’s so strong at times, and it’s such a taboo subject. Especially because we have children. People in general don’t want to talk about it. But you aren’t alone. I saw one time in a post that a counselor said she’s dealt with about50-100 people at one time about this same fear

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Do you ever get uwanted thoughts during intimacy or when you see someone thinking it reminds you of someone you know and then worrying you arouse over them. I cant stand these thoughts and its ruined the romance in my life as well. I dont want these thoughts.

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 36w

@Jal_is_okay Thank you for the thoughtful response and words of encouragement!

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Sounds like something I am currently dealing with. Honestly, your post made me feel better because there are a lot of similarities. I too have a child and know how hard it can be. My wife has also been encouraging. Please know you are not alone. You didn’t do anything wrong. I know it’s hard to believe it at times. But know that it’s just your brain. We have been stuck in this loop and are on constant guard. All the time. So we’ve created these pathways in our brains. So when we do something or act in a way that we don’t want to, whether be a hand twitch, or not washing hands or anything like that. It’s the brain causing it You aren’t alone my friend

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Thank you my friend. Its Ramadhan and ive been praying for an answer. I was getting worried bcuz no one commented. I felt like a freak an unheard. But Allah has answered my prayer through you. May Allah bless and reward you. Thank you. I know when we act against the guards we make we feel like weve done something wrong. Ocd is a scary demon than never leaves us alone. Im sorry youre suffering it. How do you manage? Again THANK YOU

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 1y

Wow I didnt know that and its true only 2% of people have this theme ocd and its hard to discuss but its not who we are which is why we freak out. I appreciate your support

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

POCD and changing baby diaper - please help

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 16w

Pocd

I had to give my daughter a bath and wanted to help my wife bear the responsibility also read online pocd to not avoid bathing. I told myself I am going to bathe my child because im a good dad. As i bathed her i went to wipe her arms and torso. I was going to get her armpit and arm but with the sponge I wiped her chest erogenous area. Then i got anxious and did a compulsion and said “im sorry”. Then ocd said whyd i wipe there ni shouldve wiped her arm or armpit. Was i doing anything inappropriate. Or ocd said not to wipe there and I did so did i do anything inappropriate or with inappropriate intent. I hate having pocd and living parallel with this voice in my head. I know my intention wasnt inappropriate i even prep talked before and did the compulsion of apologizing after wiping. Now im questioning whyd i wipe there first before her arms and armpit since ocd told me to avoid her chest. Then i worry did i have ocd intrusive thought saying i wanted to wipe there and if i had this thought and i wiped there than it means i acted on the thought. I know i wouldnt do anything inappropriate to my child and i know my intent wasnt wrong.

MichaelJH

Date posted: 10w

I’m just having a hard time

I don’t think much of this has to do with OCD and the subtypes that I struggle with: Harm OCD and religious OCD and Guilt OCD. Yesterday, I felt like a failure. I’ve been volunteering at my church to help families affected by some wild fires and I’ve been managing a lot of the logistics associated with it. I love this type of work and the people I work with. I consistently struggle with not giving my heart away so easily to the various interns or full time staff there. My affections were all over the place yesterday and thinking about how I looked or appeared toward one person in particular. I tried on four different occasions to remind myself and to refocus that she was an just like an older sister in my faith and to try and think of her as a literal sister as well, but it didn't really change how I was feeling. It was really cool at some points I felt very comfortable to talk briefly about my story. Told her about my wife and my son (we are currently separated and living in different states) and the battle I’ve had with OCD. Yet I could see that I was jealous for her attention. It was pretty much just us there yesterday. There was a guy named Jim and I felt like I was just irritated that he was there, because he was taking the attention from me. It wasn't all bad, we were able to help a lot of families, I made my son and awesome video, there were moments of relief when I recalled her as my sister and got to hear more about her testimony, in a way deeper conversations helped me see her more than just a crush or temptation. Idk. I've asked for forgiveness to the Lord and I know even though I feel guilty and upset at myself, that He is rooting me on. My wife and I have been going through an uncontested divorce, a lot of it has to do with OCD and this new diagnosis, but as you can see by what I’m struggling with there are other problems as well within me as I’m trying to be a faithful husband, a strong father, and a just good friend to the people in my life. For so long I went to relationships and the hope of one as a source of life, but when I got married I kept trying to find life in “what if I was with this person?” I’ve caused real hurt to my wife and struggling to stop the way I feel so easily when I’m around different people and love everyone how I am supposed to.

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