Confused - what to do first?

Hi all, Looking for some advice. I’ve had ocd since late teens, I’m in early 40s now- mostly involving worries about being violent to others, pics throughout 20s. Then had kids and went back to violence. Had some great erp treatment and was able to manage ocd better. I starting living more how I wanted to. I took a promotion and then another last year. Into a senior management role. I work in criminal justice. At the same time as my second promotion, my wife took on a new job. We needed to share. A car and had debts so couldn’t afford x2 cars. The stress of work, kids, lack of transport, money etc led me to breakdown with stress. I had to stop work for a while, that was oct 2023. Whilst off a number of things happened. I got some talking therapy through work, but was only allowed 6 sessions (focused on early years truama I suffered). I went back down to a middle management job. My Gp advised I come off citalopram as I’d been on this for 15 yrs. (I agreed as I’ve always wanted to be “normal”) After the above - my ocd came back with vengeance. I spoke to a different Gp - he advised I try sertaline 50mg. So I did from December 2023. I’ve had various side effects, worse of which is tinnitus, night sweats, mood swings the Gp I spoke to in oct is maintaining it would be good for me to come off all meds. I’m back working with a Cbt therapist and trying to do erp. I have also decided I cannot manage the stress of my job and need to do something less stressful whilst I focus on recovery. But what I get confused about is what to do and when. Should I work on reducing my stress (the kids and work cause me real stress which often make me want to scream and then that feeds back into my ocd - “see there’s evidence you are dangerous” type thoughts. It’s getting me depressed. So I don’t know what to do first. If I go sick I only get full pay for a few more weeks. Should I deal with stress/anger first then ocd erp? Or can I do it all at the time? Should I wait for meds plan to be sorted whether I’m on of off? I do that at the same time as doing the stress/ocd/depression/work/kids thing…it all feel a overwhelming and I don’t know if I can do it all at the same time. Any thoughts really appreciated. Thanks :)

Gerod

Date posted: 1y

I'm a corporate STEM middle manager who has been suffering with OCD but undiagnosed for 20yrs. I just discovered ERP therapy and it helps me. I got a promotion which means a larger staff and I am scared as hell my OCD is going to erupt. I would absolutely keep going to therapy. In addition to ERP, I would ask my therapist for strategies for dealing with children. I would try parenting support forums similar to this one. Kids can drive anybody crazy. I would share with my director that I need a smaller managerial role. I know it's hard not to step up but you don't have to take on more work.

johnnyocd

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Thanks so much for your reply. I think I’m going to ask for a redeployment and even demotion, have to suck up any feelings of shame that go with that because I need to put my health and my family first. I find I need to people please a lot which isn’t great when you’re a manager, we’re going through a restructure too which makes people even more anxious plus I work with kids in the justice system and just don’t believe the kids we work with should be dealt with in the punitive way we deal with them - ocd really taps into a sense of right and wrong for me and morality so makes it hard working in this field. Still it’s all I’ve ever done and thinking of re-training just boggles my brain even more!

WellerStorn98

Date posted: 1y

Hey there, it sounds like you're juggling a lot right now, and it's really tough to manage all these stressors along with OCD. 🌟 Your resilience in seeking help and being proactive about your mental health is truly admirable. I'm not an OCD expert, especially with this theme, so I'll share some resources that have been helpful for me, if that's okay with you. You might find the OCD Reddit to be a supportive space where you can share your experiences and get advice from others who really understand what you're going through. Also, I've been using this app called "unstuck OCD therapy tools" lately, and it's been a game-changer. My NOCD therapist recommended it to me. It provides AI-personalized guidance and exercises right when you need them, which might be really helpful for you in moments of stress or when those OCD thoughts are particularly challenging.

johnnyocd

Date posted: 1y

@WellerStorn98 Oh wow thanks great advice and thanks for the resource tips

WellerStorn98

Date posted: 1y

@johnnyocd - of course!!

Lean_into_th...

Date posted: 23w

OCD/Trauma/Depression

Hi everyone. I haven't posted on here in quite in some time. I'm hesitant to post but I'm battling some things that are compounding onto each other. I've had ocd since 15 I'm 30 now..I feel it's still there but much better than years ago. Currently though I'm really struggling with depression and trauma too. Atleast I believe it's trauma and my psychiatrist saw some indicators. Long story short I was in a relationship with a narcissist and I'm still recovering. I feel my nervous system is still kinda on fight or flight. I've learned that our bodies very much stores trauma. Alongside this I'm pretty critical of my appearance and my self esteem is not so great. I've been putting myself out there more and socializing but I can't shake this feeling of being stuck in an endless loop. It's hard to tell what to tackle. It's difficult for me..I don't know if ocd treatment is for me or more so trauma based therapy. I think there is some overlap..any advice or feedback would be appreciated. A side note I've done ERP in the past and I've been to treatment centers such as mclean. I feel like I need a community because I feel pretty alone but I'm having trouble putting one foot in front of the other.

PenguinB

Date posted: 10w

Getting through life when therapy is unaffordable

Hi everyone, I'm in a bit of a difficult situation and I wanted to ask for some advice. I recently finished my studies and I am living from my savings while I look for a job. However this process has turned out to be a lot more difficult and tedious than I expected. I suspect I have OCD as I relate to a lot of the experiences described here, in particular those corresponding to pure OCD. I have continuous intrusive thoughts about how what I'm currently doing is not enough, I constantly need to reassured that what I'm doing is right, with some magical thinking and concerns about my relationship sprinkled in. These intrusive thoughts have made it very difficult to make any significant progress in looking for something. Added to this I'm not even sure I have OCD as I don't have the money to afford therapy right now (my mind keeps telling me that it's silly to write this message because there's no way I have OCD). I live in Switzerland so as far as I understand my insurance won't cover sessions with NOCD. In conclusion I'm a bit stuck, therapy would help with finding a job but I need a job to get therapy. If any of you have had any similar experience and have some piece of advice it would be very welcome.

KTomsich

Date posted: 7w

Need advice

I'm new to NOCD and have been dealing with harm/suicidal, and Pure OCD for some time now. It started off being healthy related anxiety that led to compulsion where I would research information on an uncommon illness or something I thought I had. Now it has snowballed into intrusive thoughts and images of me killing myself in various ways or my wife. The former is what has been the most debilitating and hardest to shake. Recently I seem to find triggers almost every where I look. "What if I killed myself this way" if I see a kitchen knife or a bottle of pills. A friend talked about going to a gun range a while back and an image popped up of me being there and turning a gun to myself which is something I dont want to do. I love life and its so painful to go through thoughts that try to tell me otherwise. That particular image/thought has really stuck with me. I know about ERP and my therapist said I could rip the bandaid off and go to a gun range but it terrifies me. I don't own any weapons but I often think, "what if I buy one and im actually suicidal?" Just typing it makes me anxious. I'm wanting to start a low dose of Prozac which opens up another can of worms about worried my "overdose thought" will come true, on top of potential side effects. This is long winded but im looking for any advice to get through this. I know others are worse off than me but considering I've never been like this and it only started 6 months ago, I'm really struggling. Thanks everyone.

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Confused - what to do first?

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