Does anyone else feel like a switch in their head gets flipped and they become the worst version of themselves. Like I can love life one second and then the anxiety hits me like a truck and I’m completely winded. I’m exhausted on every level. I feel it in my stomach. I’m tired. I’ve had OCD my entire life and I’m not sure I’ll ever live peacefully. Trying to stay hopeful.
I hope you know even by you posting this and expressing how you feel is something to be immensely proud of. OCD can be so exhausting and can feel like your just in a constant battle but change can happen and you can live life without letting ocd define you. I'm proud of you and im extremely honoured to have been able to read your post - keep smiling, you've got this 🩷🩷
Hang in there were all in this together!
Yes! I have been compulsing all day! Even taking my clothes out of the dryer is difficult for me! I usually use a bucket for laundry and one day when I washed my socks I saw one of my son's socks in the bucket and framed out and thought the entire bucket was contaminated! I'm not using the bucket until it's empty and I can spray it. It was so hard doing laundry without the bucket! I had to make multiple trips and kept getting wind compulsions on my arms, face, and chest. What used to take 10 minutes now takes up to 2 hours! I battle every day with OCD, but we are not in this alone. I just woke up in the middle of the night with a compulsion!
Have you ever tried medicine?
Yes, I can feel the switch in my head when it’s not me and it’s those intrusive thoughts. I hate it!!
It's kind of like I have glimpses of when the real me gets through at this point. Most of the time (like 85%-95%) is spent obsessing and compulsing. When I'm with my friends, or I'm at work, or I'm doing something where I can't focus on thinking about my obsessions I start to get anxious. I almost start to feel like excited to leave and be alone so I can "solve" my worries, or seek reassurance from the internet. It's especially bad now. But I have faith in myself and I am trying to get better. ERP actually really helps but I have found that the more I do it the stronger OCD tries to pull me back in (i.e. "Well what about this?" "You forgot this" etc.). But I know that with time we can all overcome this disorder! We can absolutely do it.
Yep, I've been on 3 different types of meds.
The meds help with the anxiety and depression, but unfortunately, not the compulsions 🤣
*venting* I’m so tired of life. I just woke up, and I feel like going back to bed and sleep until this nightmare passes. This week has been one of the hardest of my life. I don’t think I can face another day of intrusive thoughts, fear, anxiety. I need some moments of relief, but there are none. I wanna have a life again. Anxiety and obsessive thoughts have killed my social life, my ambitions and desires, my happiness. I’ve been fighting for the past 6 months for nothing. I don’t see any improvement. I’m on day 3 of Lexapro and of course i can’t tell if it’s gonna work for me or not. I’m on the first stages of ERP therapy and I still haven’t got any assigned homework to work on, which I really need because I need to feel like I’m doing SOMETHING to help myself with ocd and Gad. I just hope someone could just take out whatever part of my brain isn’t working properly and replace it with a new piece. I don’t wanna feel like a burden to my family or boyfriend anymore. I can’t believe all the damage that I’m causing. I don’t know what to do with all this self hate. I don’t know where to turn to. I seem to have all the help that one could need - therapy, medication, support system. Yet I feel like I can’t spend another day living like this.
I wish so bad that I could go back to being how I was before the anxiety and OCD had taken over my life, and the subsequent medications and their side effects . It’s mostly bodily sensations now. Tension headaches daily. Fast pounding heart rate. Feeling like I’m constantly out of breath. Feeling like I’m going to pass out. My eyes moving involuntarily. Feeling intense anxiety for no apparent reason. Feeling like the ground is moving under me. I’ve tried so many things. Many different meds, many different therapys, and I only seem to be getting worse as the years go on. I’m loosing hope that I’ll get better than I am now.
I feel like my thoughts have been getting worse and I ruminate a lot. This morning I told myself I wasn’t going to let the thoughts get to me but it’s hard. Than the anxiety kicks in and my heart starts racing so fast and I just have these intrusive thoughts. And I don’t want to do the things I normally do to feel better but I feel like I don’t do my compulsion I will end up doing what my intrusive thoughts are and it scares me. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so scared. I want to get out of this cycle but I lack discipline and strength. I don’t know if I’ll ever get out of this. I want to get better but I can’t seem to ignore the thoughts or the feelings. I wish I could be like some of the people on here who can discipline and know thoughts are thoughts. I’m just so weak minded. It’s so hard, I want my life back before I had all these disgusting thoughts. I want me back and I don’t know if I ever will. I’m scared that erp won’t work for me. I’m just so pessimistic. I’m scared of doing erp and coming out of it realizing I am those things. Everyday I wake up it’s like I’m trying to survive. I worry about when night comes and what will happen if I sleep and if I’ll be able to get sleep. I worry about waking and waking up to me checking to make sure everyone in my house is okay. To make sure I didn’t do thoughts that I had about my family members. I feel guilty being around my family members because of the thoughts I have about them. I’m afraid of being alone with them for too long because I’m scared that the anxiety will get to me and I’ll do something disgusting. I just don’t understand why this happened to me and why I have to suffer. Everyday is a constant battle. I just want to give up or just move away. Maybe even get up start a new life where I just live alone and don’t hurt nobody. This is so hard and I hate it so much. If you read my rant, thank you💗.
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