Spiraling again…

I have been doing really really well for the past year ish. Of course I have some bad days or weeks but overall I feel almost back to pre diagnosis. I have recently gotten in the most incredible relationship I could have never even dreamed of. This has caused my real event ocd to flair up. He often talks about hurting people who have hurt children which as you can imagine triggers my real event. I believe my ex left me bc I told him about my real event bc my non ocd therapist told me I had to while she also told me how horrible I was. I can’t decide if I have to tell my current boyfriend how horrible of a human I am to give him the chance to also dumb me despite the fact that I am not who I was at 6/7 years old… what do I do 😭

Real Events OCD

Chickens_Frogs

Date posted: 1y

You are definitely not who you were at 6 and 7 years old. Non-OCD therapists really can make things worse. It did for me. I am not a professional so don’t take this as such but there isn’t a reason to tell your significant other your entire life story starting as early as possible. If you feel you have to confess then that’s likely OCD wanting you to do that compulsion.

Justmesadly

Date posted: 1y

@Chickens_Frogs I’m sorry that happened to you too! Mine really caused me to spiral deeper! I never thought I needed to tell him until today and now I’m in a spiral that I have to or I’m withholding secrets. It is for sure a compulsion, you’re right

Chickens_Frogs

Date posted: 1y

@Justmesadly Yep, definitely a compulsion. I feel like I have to tell people every embarrassment or messed up moment in my life. You don’t hate to.

Justmesadly

Date posted: 1y

@Chickens_Frogs Yeah that’s exactly what I did with my ex and I think it scared him and he left 6 months later but told me he had been debating for 6 months so I think it was bc all of the things I told him ! He says it was for other reasons but I’ll never believe him. So I don’t want that to happen again. I do know that I didn’t know what I did was wrong, I’ve debated if it happened in a non play with me, I know someone had also done to me in a play way, so I feel like without being 6 to tell him why or what our reasoning for playing like that was then I can’t tell him bc it would be a false judgment. I’m nearly 29! I have babysat/ nannied 50+ kids and I’ve never even considered harming a child!

Chickens_Frogs

Date posted: 1y

@Justmesadly It’s the OCD. Your ruminating, questioning it, beating yourself up over it, confessing, etc. I am trying not to do the reassurance thing. I know that’s something that’s one of my compulsions and I don’t even realize that I am in a round about way seeking reassurance. Its weird how our brains work. I will say that as a young kid their were things that happened to me more so than I did but I got exposed at a very young age to material I should not have by accident. I say by accident because kids are curious and look through things and find stuff. Now all these kids have to do is go to school and somebody with a phone is going to have it and show it to people. We as kids don’t know what that really is at all. It confuses us more than anything at least when your that young. It made me feel dirty later on when I really realized what all that was but you know I was just a kid and unlike today keeping that material from me would have been easy. Unfortunately they were careless in not trying to hide it better. Kids that young don’t know better. However, your OCD wants you to think so which the fact your OCD about it just shows more so the behavior is something that’s not what you would repeat but instead are very against. Busy yourself with as much as possible things that you enjoy. Understand that OCD or not that we don’t have to tell anybody about our lives as young kids. We really don’t.

Justmesadly

Date posted: 1y

@Chickens_Frogs Thanks for making me feel less than alone! I hope you’re listening to your own advice 💓

geminileo

Date posted: 24w

Not doing well (vent)

Hi, I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been struggling for the past month, it’s been a mix of ocd flare ups and depressive episodes. I recently got into a new relationship, one I was not expecting at all as I had just broken up with my long term boyfriend over the summer and was expecting the cycle of being alone for a few years and then dating again. But anyways, my current boyfriend is amazing and so caring and sweet, I told him before we even started dating about my ocd and how I sometimes need constant reassurance and that it can be a lot to deal with it and that I can become clingy and annoying and he didn’t even bat an eye, he just said he likes me as I am and that he will be able to help and support me. We’re dating long distance rn as I’m finishing up college but we constantly text and video chat/call almost every night. My ocd has been constantly gnawing at that and it’s causing my abandonment issues to flare up horribly, I’ve told him a little bit about my ex boyfriend as he was not a very good person, he was much older than me (12 years) and at the start of our relationship he was amazing and said he could deal with my mental health issues (I know no one is obligated at all) but I would communicate to him that it scares me when he doesn’t talk to me for weeks at a time, and at first he said he would try to be better about that but then it turned into him saying I’m annoying and clingy and that I bother him and that he just wants alone time but during that alone time I wouldn’t hear from him at all for two weeks. He also stopped caring about my interests and said I was annoying when I would talk about them and would even get mad when I tried to talk about my day. Anyways being in this new relationship has caused me to fear that my current boyfriend is going to leave me, lost interest in me or that he’s annoyed with me and hates me, which unfortunately has caused me to give into my compulsion of reassurance so I’ve been asking him a lot “do you still like me?” “We’re still together right?” “Have I annoyed you?” And I hate myself for doing that. He is so sweet and I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want to drain him, i genuinely have never felt this way about anyone I’ve dated but it’s like he was meant to be in my life and we clicked instantly like it felt like we’ve known each other forever and I don’t want to lose him. My avoidance is getting bad and I’m trying to stop myself from pushing him away but I just feel so guilty and ughhhh it’s so frustrating. I just don’t know how to handle this, I want to be with him and I want to make him happy but I hate that my brain works this way.

cmax20

Date posted: 22w

Religious OCD and romantic relationships

I have grown up in a Christian community and kind of always been around people who believe Christianity or even catholic. In the past few years I’ve really dove deep into my faith and honestly felt good about myself sometimes but overall terrified and like I’m a horrible person if I do one thing wrong or make a wrong sin. I’m also not sure if I completely believe in all the traditional Christian practices anymore. But I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 5 months and everything is going great. We communicate and he’s so loving and respectful and I honestly don’t have any major issues In the relationship. I used to have a big fear of men starting when I was like 7 aboit my grandpa or my dad trying to rape me (even though they are good men and showed no real signs of it). But it ruined my relationship with them both for awhile til it eventually went away. I always told myself it was because the “spirit” of ocd was rebuked by Jesus but I honestly don’t know. Now I’m dealing with a more extosential or religious ocd where I’m terrified I’m a horrible person for being in a relationship and almost feel worse about myself if I get closer to God. I also feel like if I get too close to God then I have to choose between Him and my bf and I can’t have both. It’s driving me in San and I feel like if I tell anyone any of this they’ll tell me to just break up with my bf even though there isn’t anything wrong in our relationship. Idk what to do and it’s so draining

Secretidentity

Date posted: 18w

Please please send advice

I had to do a new exposure with my therapist two weeks ago involving my boyfriend where I had to share some of my intrusive thoughts and I know that it hurt him to hear some of them I could see it in his eyes and now I’m terrified he’s going to leave me my ocd isn’t the worst it’s ever been but it’s now the worst it’s been in a while and I’m back to doing one of the compulsions I had completely stopped and now idk what to do. I feel like I’m in this never ending cycle of doing really bad then doing really good. I just want my ocd gone I want to be normal again and not obsess ever my relation anymore. Sorry for the rant I’m just exhausted from my ocd and feel super depressed and I think it’s from my ocd. I just feel like I’m spiraling

Relationship OCD

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