Is it normal to feel really tense, anxious

Okay so it seems like I might be quite far behind you in my recovery then or perhaps viewing recovery in the wrong way. So most days I just accept that I have ocd and accept doing the rituals. I gave up work about 3 years ago because of this so most days I do very little other than get changed, eat 2 meals and potter around my flat doing rituals and feeling terrible about them

@Joe87 I was referring to the feeling of anger . When my ocd was really bad I had anxiety for months. It wouldn’t go away. If it did it was because I put my mind through so much I would just feel numb. Everyone’s OCD journey is different but we can all get through it and ERP can really help :) I’m sorry it’s put you through so much but I believe you can still have/accept you have OCD and live your life. It’s not easy. It will take time but you can do it 🫶🏻

@Whyyocd Thanks. I feel like I am overcomplicating trying to sort this issue which is in turn creating the issue itself. Can I ask you in order to lessen your ocd and anxiety did you have to stop trying to work out where it came from and start going back to work, doing hobbies and taking things in your stride again?

@Joe87 Yes. I had to accept my thoughts and try to not figure them out. Accept the uncertainty. Just let them be there. A lot easier said than done obviously. But you take one step at a time. Same with doing hobbies and etc. Its like you build a hierarchy. Start with doing something that makes you anxious but it makes you the least anxious. And then move up from there

@Whyyocd Thanks that's awesome advice I think I need to start by going back to exercising 3 days per week and then look at going back to work in the next 3-4 weeks. The thing that has been stopping me is thinking to myself that if I can just work out the answer to x,y and z then I will feel better and then I can do those things but of course that is ocd and I am never going to know the answer to x,y and z. Excercise and work is erp isn't it....

@ConqueringisPossible Great advice!

I occassionally do these things but perhaps I don't do enough of this stuff. It basically feels like I have hit the pause button on my life until I can work all of this stuff out

@Joe87 I totally understand that! It’s important to try to remember to still take you time! Plan it into your schedule if you can!

Would your advice be to get busy again as being busy will raise my self asteem and teach me te start living in the moment again. Can I ask whereabouts you are with ocd recovery?

@Joe87 So I hit what I call remission late last year and was using myself as a Guinea pig to help others with ocd and "cure it". I poked the sleeping bear a few times and it did come back for a bit, then went again. Then I decided to cut out a lot of distractions in life that I thought were making me lazy and omg did the days feel long. I used this time to look at my life properly and the amount of crap my ocd caused was alarming to discover.. Genuinely felt suicidal as it out me so deep in a hole I didn't know existed. Ocd came back full force as the amount of stress was immeasurable. I had so much to do in order to be able to unfuck my life and there was no way I could do that and fight ocd at the same time. So I made a deal with it to give into a few compulsions whilst I sorted my life out and once that's done I'll deal with the ocd again. Life is getting better and is heading clearly in the right direction now. I'm kind of tapering off of the compulsions, I think I already have. One thing I learned was you cope with stress, you manage your stressors. The better the stressors are managed, the less stressed you'll be. Less stress, less ocd. Also come up with coping mechanisms for stress now (erp, grounding techniques etc) when you're calm and thinking clearly as sometimes shit just happens and it's better to be prepared than just improvising. Being busy and productive will help massively. Self care, self love, self validation, self gratitude and just genuinely being on top of life rather than it being on top of you

@Wolfram Thanks for that great answer. I honestly think that ocd flared up for me 4 years ago because I decided to go talk therapy when actually I don't think that I needed to and all talk therapy did was fuel ruminations and my desire to seek certainty that actually wasnt there that much to begin with. Before going to talk therapy I was working 5-6 days per week no problem, gym 4 days per week and in general I felt pretty good and on top of things apart from the occasional intrusive thought that literally everybody has. I didn't feel like I ruminated or had any compulsions on them thoughts though as I just accepted them and carried on. Started talk therapy in 2020 to talk about some things I have been through and decided to disuss the intrusive thoughts and I feel like this was the mistake. I stopped working and going to the gym because of lockdown so I had no choice in that and all I did in talk therapy was talk about childhood traumas which was re traumatising and try to work out the intrusive thoughts which as we know just fuels ruminations. I have been a mess with ocd since and haven't gone back to work or my hobbies since. Can I ask your opinion on this?

So something I always did before the OCD really blew up was between doing things I would occasionally rub both of my thumbs over my fingertips a few times or press my middle finger into the middle of my hand. It always felt therapeutic and never felt like it took up enough of time to prevent me from doing other things and functioning

@Joe87 It does for me sometimes. But I feel that it is still therapeutic. Do you boo boo