Anyone else struggle with this theme? What has helped you? Its a fear that I will loose control. Even just reading the word triggers me. I don’t want to die and it’s constantly on my mind ruminating.
Yes I used to struggle with it a lot. The fear of losing control is a natural one. What helped me has been ERP therapy, mindfulness, meditation, and simply learning about how intrusive thoughts work. The end goal is to understand that the content of your intrusive thoughts don't actually matter. All that matters is that you are afraid of them and the anxiety that they produce, which leads to compulsive behaviors used in an attempt to avoid the thoughts and the anxiety. It's scary, but the way out of this cycle is to not fight the intrusive thoughts. Allow them to be there and allow yourself to feel (mindfully) the anxiety that they produce. This takes a lot of time and practice, but eventually the brain stops thinking that they are important, and they will come up much less often. Back when I believed that intrusive thoughts about suicide meant that I was actually suicidal, they just wouldn't stop coming. I ruminated, I researched, I checked for signs that I would do it, I compared myself to people that did. All of that stuff did nothing but label those thoughts as important, so they kept coming back. These days, once in a while I'll have some fleeting thoughts and images about suicide, and that simply doesn't bother me much any more. They are just thoughts. They come and they go, just like the thousands of other thoughts we experience that we don't even notice or care about. The only thing that changed was my relationship to my thoughts.
@djflorio i really like this perspective
How are you doing ? Currently going through this . Did it pass ?
Not suicidal but the what you went through is what I’m going through and I’m scared to be alone cause when I’m alone my brains like well now you can do it and it freaks me out 😢 please tell me you got past this ?
@Walters15! Hi, I totally get what you’re going through , I literally have the same exact thoughts and they are scary as hell. Some days I have really good days, and then some days it’s so loud and scary. I just upped my dose of clomipramine and I am actively seeking a therapist . It feels like torture. When I’m alone is when it’s worse. I am here for you , and I’m happy to chat whenever you need me because it can feel so lonely not being able to talk about it without people freaking out/ not understanding. I love my life and my family, and it scares the hell out of me. Please keep in touch with me.
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