Anyone else struggle with this theme? What has helped you? Its a fear that I will loose control. Even just reading the word triggers me. I don’t want to die and it’s constantly on my mind ruminating.
Yes I used to struggle with it a lot. The fear of losing control is a natural one. What helped me has been ERP therapy, mindfulness, meditation, and simply learning about how intrusive thoughts work. The end goal is to understand that the content of your intrusive thoughts don't actually matter. All that matters is that you are afraid of them and the anxiety that they produce, which leads to compulsive behaviors used in an attempt to avoid the thoughts and the anxiety. It's scary, but the way out of this cycle is to not fight the intrusive thoughts. Allow them to be there and allow yourself to feel (mindfully) the anxiety that they produce. This takes a lot of time and practice, but eventually the brain stops thinking that they are important, and they will come up much less often. Back when I believed that intrusive thoughts about suicide meant that I was actually suicidal, they just wouldn't stop coming. I ruminated, I researched, I checked for signs that I would do it, I compared myself to people that did. All of that stuff did nothing but label those thoughts as important, so they kept coming back. These days, once in a while I'll have some fleeting thoughts and images about suicide, and that simply doesn't bother me much any more. They are just thoughts. They come and they go, just like the thousands of other thoughts we experience that we don't even notice or care about. The only thing that changed was my relationship to my thoughts.
@djflorio i really like this perspective
How are you doing ? Currently going through this . Did it pass ?
Not suicidal but the what you went through is what I’m going through and I’m scared to be alone cause when I’m alone my brains like well now you can do it and it freaks me out 😢 please tell me you got past this ?
@Walters15! Hi, I totally get what you’re going through , I literally have the same exact thoughts and they are scary as hell. Some days I have really good days, and then some days it’s so loud and scary. I just upped my dose of clomipramine and I am actively seeking a therapist . It feels like torture. When I’m alone is when it’s worse. I am here for you , and I’m happy to chat whenever you need me because it can feel so lonely not being able to talk about it without people freaking out/ not understanding. I love my life and my family, and it scares the hell out of me. Please keep in touch with me.
so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.
so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.
Does anyone else get fixated on one “topic” with their ocd?? like for me trains and guns are mine. like i’m scared of trains and im scared to be around guns because that’s what triggers my ocd and makes me convince me that that is the way to go. i literally worry myself into thinking im going to sh*t myself when i don’t even have a gun but my ocd convinces me. idk if im explaining it good, but its a real struggle. just need some tips & advice
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