First time here. My fiancé had a pretty severe emotional breakdown this summer that he is still recovering from and it has caused what I think is major ROCD for me. The thing about asking for reassurance is so real, I constantly need to know that he is okay and if he is, I still feel like crap. If he is having a bad day I am a compete wreck and my intrusive thoughts tell me that I should leave him, that I can't handle his baggage and that he is toxic to me even though we have a wonderful and loving relationship. It's nice to know I can come here to vent

Hi everyone. Definitely not feeling great these past couple days. I struggle with ROCD and have been trying to navigate that for a long time. I have a relationship that means a lot to me with a boyfriend that is extremely special and kind and we laugh together so much and it really is the best. However, there are some times where he has been destructive, not in a serious way, but just as a coping mechanism, like drinking, and going out with friends. I think for me, I come from a childhood where one of my parents struggles with drinking, and I know how much of a toll I can put on the family. Me and my boyfriend are not there, but I definitely project a lot of these things onto him and it really fuels my ROCD. He really started doing this more in our relationship once his mom passed away very suddenly almost a year ago. I think I’m starting to become nervous because the anniversary of her death is next month, and I can sort of feel myself starting to self sabotage. I’m kind of nitpicking certain things, miss reading his moods, and things like that. I can definitely tell that it’s just me trying to protect my fear of abandonment. But I’m just really having a hard time because I’m so scared that things are gonna be hard again, we went through a lot when she first died. Our relationship has grown so much since she did, and we’re at a very good place. I did feel myself starting a fight last night, and that just made this morning feel pretty terrible. If anyone has experienced something similar, that would be helpful. Please be kind, I think I just need some grace right now and some hope I guess.

Hi all!! Its been a while since I've been in here and typically I come on here to give advice and encouragement which i still plan to do but i really need encouragement right now. I typically deal with so-ocd but right now its taking a back seat or just disappearing ( which I'm not complaining) but now my rocd is really coming in thick and heavy and Im overly anxious but i have had panic attacks to the thoughts and its just been heavily attack me on my feelings towards my bf. I love this man with my literal whole being and I want to marry him and I know he feels the same cause we have had discussions on marriage. But lately and idk if its because of my period starting (sorry tmi) and all the hormones but i can't feel my emotions all that well, and the thoughts are constantly telling me i don't love him, i don't want to talk to him which are all false me and him are long distance rn which is hard but we push through it. I really hate these thoughts and all it makes me want to do is scream and cry. Like i said not overly anxious but definitely just want to scream and cry and of course cause Im not overly anxious my ocd picks up on that says oh see your not anxious with that so it must be true. I'm just hot mess y'all:( But anyways word of encouragement keep pushing y'all all got this and Im proud of every single one of you!!

Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.