First time here. My fiancé had a pretty severe emotional breakdown this summer that he is still recovering from and it has caused what I think is major ROCD for me. The thing about asking for reassurance is so real, I constantly need to know that he is okay and if he is, I still feel like crap. If he is having a bad day I am a compete wreck and my intrusive thoughts tell me that I should leave him, that I can't handle his baggage and that he is toxic to me even though we have a wonderful and loving relationship. It's nice to know I can come here to vent

Hi! Welcome to NOCD!! ? I’m so sorry to hear what happened to your fiancé,, breakdowns are so tiring and terrible to everyone involved. Is he getting help or treatment from a professional? I understand that you feel crappy about it, and ur absolutely terrified of something happening to your fiancé. It’s like that for me sometimes with my boyfriend. We can address two things if you’d like: ☀️ 1. If you feel the urge to check on him, try and giving yourself a good deep breath. You know that this is just a compulsion, and that you are seeking TEMPORARY relief. Any thoughts that make you feel like he is in danger, welcome the anxiety of the thoughts. Welcome the feeling that maybe he won’t come home the next hours? Welcome the feeling that makes you want to cry and ball up in a corner. What you shouldn’t do is try and push that feeling away. Or talk yourself out of it. Agree with the thought maybe. Can you explain why you feel like crap? ⛈ 2. Have you ever heard of ACT. Acceptance - accept the thought Commitment - remember your values and stay committed to them // Therapy. In short, you have bad thoughts telling you that “he doesn’t deserve you, he’s too toxic, you can’t be with him, he’s stressing you out, you deserve to be happy” You can’t control your thoughts. You can think a whole lot of things and still can’t control them, nor what you feel. If you feel sad or happy about those thoughts, go ahead. Feel it. If you feel scared and you want to cry, cry. Then take a deep breathe. You’re strong. ? Remember YOUR values, your commitments. Your values could be being a good fiance, wanting to stay with him, wanting to stay faithful, wanting to support him through bad times, etc. Then stay committed to them, despite the thoughts. Why? Because you can’t control your thoughts, but... you can control your actions!! ? Now when you feel a thought, feel the anxiety. Don’t push it, welcome it. Then understand and remember who YOU want to be. Leaving your boyfriend doesn’t exactly correspond to your values, does it? Exactly. But staying with him and supporting him is. Don’t let the thoughts take you away from being the fiancé you want to be. Act on your values (being a good fiancé), not your thoughts (leaving him, leaving because he’s too toxic). You are not alone. We are here for you in the NOCD app. Come back soon (: ❤️

This is probably the most helpful advice I have gotten since he had his crisis. I have not worked on my values at all so that is a good place to start I think. We are both in separate CBT, he longer than myself so he does in fact have a safety net that doesn't need to include me

It’s a good place to start! I’m glad you both are receiving help,, therapy is wonderful. Try bringing up your values with your therapist. Good luck in your process. If you have questions, make more posts. Lots of people would love to help!

@ultimatelyumi I want to thank you again for your comment yesterday. It helped me immensely. When I read it I had come home after having a panic attack in the grocery store parking lot and after reading it I was able to calm down, collect myself, went to the grocery store and then 3 MORE ERRANDS! I can't thank you enough. I feel a great sense of community here