- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Hi! Welcome to NOCD!! ? I’m so sorry to hear what happened to your fiancé,, breakdowns are so tiring and terrible to everyone involved. Is he getting help or treatment from a professional? I understand that you feel crappy about it, and ur absolutely terrified of something happening to your fiancé. It’s like that for me sometimes with my boyfriend. We can address two things if you’d like: ☀️ 1. If you feel the urge to check on him, try and giving yourself a good deep breath. You know that this is just a compulsion, and that you are seeking TEMPORARY relief. Any thoughts that make you feel like he is in danger, welcome the anxiety of the thoughts. Welcome the feeling that maybe he won’t come home the next hours? Welcome the feeling that makes you want to cry and ball up in a corner. What you shouldn’t do is try and push that feeling away. Or talk yourself out of it. Agree with the thought maybe. Can you explain why you feel like crap? ⛈ 2. Have you ever heard of ACT. Acceptance - accept the thought Commitment - remember your values and stay committed to them // Therapy. In short, you have bad thoughts telling you that “he doesn’t deserve you, he’s too toxic, you can’t be with him, he’s stressing you out, you deserve to be happy” You can’t control your thoughts. You can think a whole lot of things and still can’t control them, nor what you feel. If you feel sad or happy about those thoughts, go ahead. Feel it. If you feel scared and you want to cry, cry. Then take a deep breathe. You’re strong. ? Remember YOUR values, your commitments. Your values could be being a good fiance, wanting to stay with him, wanting to stay faithful, wanting to support him through bad times, etc. Then stay committed to them, despite the thoughts. Why? Because you can’t control your thoughts, but... you can control your actions!! ? Now when you feel a thought, feel the anxiety. Don’t push it, welcome it. Then understand and remember who YOU want to be. Leaving your boyfriend doesn’t exactly correspond to your values, does it? Exactly. But staying with him and supporting him is. Don’t let the thoughts take you away from being the fiancé you want to be. Act on your values (being a good fiancé), not your thoughts (leaving him, leaving because he’s too toxic). You are not alone. We are here for you in the NOCD app. Come back soon (: ❤️
- Date posted
- 6y
This is probably the most helpful advice I have gotten since he had his crisis. I have not worked on my values at all so that is a good place to start I think. We are both in separate CBT, he longer than myself so he does in fact have a safety net that doesn't need to include me
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s a good place to start! I’m glad you both are receiving help,, therapy is wonderful. Try bringing up your values with your therapist. Good luck in your process. If you have questions, make more posts. Lots of people would love to help!
- Date posted
- 6y
@ultimatelyumi I want to thank you again for your comment yesterday. It helped me immensely. When I read it I had come home after having a panic attack in the grocery store parking lot and after reading it I was able to calm down, collect myself, went to the grocery store and then 3 MORE ERRANDS! I can't thank you enough. I feel a great sense of community here
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 21w
Hi all!! Its been a while since I've been in here and typically I come on here to give advice and encouragement which i still plan to do but i really need encouragement right now. I typically deal with so-ocd but right now its taking a back seat or just disappearing ( which I'm not complaining) but now my rocd is really coming in thick and heavy and Im overly anxious but i have had panic attacks to the thoughts and its just been heavily attack me on my feelings towards my bf. I love this man with my literal whole being and I want to marry him and I know he feels the same cause we have had discussions on marriage. But lately and idk if its because of my period starting (sorry tmi) and all the hormones but i can't feel my emotions all that well, and the thoughts are constantly telling me i don't love him, i don't want to talk to him which are all false me and him are long distance rn which is hard but we push through it. I really hate these thoughts and all it makes me want to do is scream and cry. Like i said not overly anxious but definitely just want to scream and cry and of course cause Im not overly anxious my ocd picks up on that says oh see your not anxious with that so it must be true. I'm just hot mess y'all:( But anyways word of encouragement keep pushing y'all all got this and Im proud of every single one of you!!
- Date posted
- 19w
I personally do not have OCD I am here because I love my bf of 6 years He is a great guy but he is having a hard time with rocd he is currently going through a lot of anxiety with was triggered by us discussing engagement plans This makes me sad because we love each other and I hate seeing a good man having to fight his own mind to be able to be in a relationship with me Someone tell me what to do Point me in the right direction please I am here for him and I will not abandon him I want to go back to him with everything I will learn from you guys Thank you
- Date posted
- 11w
I’ve dealt with ocd themes for as long as I can remember, POCD, HOCD, false memory, the feelings of having to confess something, washing certain body parts a specific amount of times, all of it I am still pretty young and I just got into my first relationship. I always knew ROCD existed I just never had the chance to have an experience with it 😭 and here I am. I really do think I have an anxious attachment style. But it’s also like I constantly worry if I’m too much or if i should not be in a relationship or if I rlly love my partner like I tell him. I am sensitive and very communicative so when things bother me I like to communicate them but then I worry that I do too much or I worry that it isn’t normal to find this many things wrong so early in a relationship. I also worry if he doesn’t like me or if he Will get tired of me, but those thoughts are easier to get by. The hard thoughts r the ones where I doubt my feelings for him. My mind feels like a MESS! And it’s harder because we only see eachother once a week. This may be heaven compared to other ppl who struggle with real long distance but for me the time in between gives me a lot of time to nitpick things that aren’t even real problems and create a sense of a toxic relationship that isn’t even real! The only times where I feel like maybe it’s all in my head are when. I see him and the days after, but when it gets long it gets rlly hard. I rlly do love him and he gives me reassurance when needed but I can’t help but focus on the negatives when little things bother me, especially when we are apart from eachother and jsut texting. Texting is hard because then there is the obsession over waiting to see how long he will take, not knowing the tone of texts, and being able to over analyze every conversation we’ve had. I also do mental checks to help me reassure myself that I love him 😭 like when’s the last time he made me laugh, what are some nice things he’s done that I rlly liked, and jsut trying to actively acknowledge everything he’s done so I can stop panicking abt the fear that I don’t love him. It’s literally only been 2 months of us dating so the fact my ocd is so early onset annoys me so bad because I rlly do feel like I am still in the crucial stages of a relationship where we are learning how to love eachother, so there should be some ups and downs and minor arguments while we get over this phase… but I can’t help but wonder what if these little things just mean I hate him? It’s extreme but I worry and the reels and tik toks I see about people realizing they don’t love their partner make it all bad!
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