What’s the difference between a pedophile in distress or ashamed and someone with pocd

Anyone with pocd in the subset of teens/ fear of being attracted to teens have any advice? I never see anyone talking about it and it’s making me go a lil cray lmao

Tw Fyi I have not been diagnosed with pocd, but many people say that I have it, So I was m#sturbating to regular p#rn, beforehand I kept telling myself that I don’t like kids and that I won’t m#strivate to them, when I started finishing to the video, thoughts of kids flashed in my head, idk if it means anything or not, but I didn’t feel any shame, disgust, worry, dread, or panic. I know that I’m supposed to feel that, but I’m worried that it wasn’t pocd, but a reflection of what I actually want because they came as I started finishing. Idk if I enjoyed the thoughts or not, but I’m worried I do because I was finishing while having them. I also know that neutrality towards those thoughts is a sign of pedophilia, I don’t wish to like kids nor do I ever want to m#sturbate to them, but now I’m worried I am a pedo because I didn’t feel dread, panic, disgust, or shame after finishing. Idk if it was a reflection of what I actually want or not, but I don’t want to finish to kids, I think I don’t want to, but idk if I actually do or not. I don’t understand myself and I don’t know if what I have is pocd or not, even though so many ppl said that I have it, even my therapist when my therapist gave me a short diagnosis. I also felt a wave of relief after I finished, idk why I felt that but the thoughts also went away, it make me think that those thoughts while I was climaxing was a reflection of what I actually wanted. Can someone please give me some advice on this stuff? (edited) Also ever since the start of all of this I felt a sense of attraction towards some kids I've seen, I keep looking back on those memories to see if I was actually attracted or not, I can't figure it out, I hope it was all false attraction, I can't tell if I want the feeling or not.

So I just read a Reddit post about how this guy found out that he was a pedo because of how he started feeling that he was still attracted to middle schoolers as a 14 year old in high school and it never changed even when he got into adulthood. I’m currently under the age of 16 and I’m worried of my attraction feelings I felt towards some kids I’ve seen on social media and real life, I’m not sure if they are false or not. I have gotten a diagnosis, I remember lying on 2 questions, saying I didn’t feel aroused and that i don’t enjoy the thoughts n feelings. I’m not sure if i enjoy the thoughts and feelings, and now im worried i about it, i dont feel worry dread panic or shame and disgust when I get those thoughts and feelings anymore. I also remember that when i was 14 I felt attracted to a 12 or 11 year old, i kept going back to look at her idk why, but i think that i was worried because I didn’t want to be attracted to younger aged ppl. Im worried that all of these feelings of attraction aren’t false and that they are a reflection of who i am. I do not wish to be a pedo, nor do I wish to like kids. I know that I won’t hurt kids, but I’m scared that I am a pedo because of the feelings I get. I don’t understand myself anymore, I hope it’s pocd not actual pedophilia, I don’t trust that diagnosis I got because of those 2 questions I lied on, I said that i don’t like those thoughts n feelings even though I don’t know if I really do or not, can someone please help me? Idk what I have anymore, I don’t want it to be pedophilia