Struggling

I'm keeping it light hearted but I really desperately need some help. Just to preface this is very tmi. I thought it was just gonna be a quick bathroom stuff. No! That would be silly of course, so number two decided to screw things up ROYALLY. And please bear with me because I am coping with humour 😭😭. So I went, but sometimes, tmi, I struggle to.... Get it all. Out. If you know what I mean. Which is pretty awful to the point I'm like genuinely praying. Because you can't clean up properly if you're not done. So I'm in the bathroom, trying, for over half an hour. And I finally give up pretty much and try and clean up. Oh no, that was a huge mistake. But what else could I do? It was so messy that I wanted to just get in the shower and be done with it. Onto the things I'm worrying about I guess. On the tp (tmi, I'm WARNING 😭😭) it was.... Messy, and there were very loose specks on the tp. Which is an issue, because I used wet wipes which needs to be binned and not flushed, so I have to carry the tp-wipe combo over to the bin, which means carrying it over where my legs are, and thus where my clothes also are. I hate it. I'm now paranoid specks fell into my underwear! Great! Love it. I'm also paranoid specks or just #2 in general went on my hand. And, believe me, with the state of things, it was POSSIBLE. So when I'm finally done and wash my hands, of course that isn't going to feel like enough. I have really short nails, so short they're painful, and I'm always terrified stuff gets under them. So, I use a nail brush while washing my hands. I also filed them down (which HURT) because I'm convinced that could get rid of anything underneath them. But it still doesn't feel enough. Because I have loose skin and hangnails around my nails, and I'm paranoid as well that stuff gets under dry skin. Not to mention my hands are so dry from washing that they're cracked and flaky and they peel, so I am worried that #2 or dirt gets under the flakes of skin. I know it sounds stupid, but I am so scared. Usually it feels irrational but it was such a state that I'm convinced there must be a speck of it on me somewhere. On my hands. And I'm terrified. I know I need to accept uncertainty but I'm struggling right now.

I was trying to sleep in an aunt house and I’m suffering from nightmares or when I take naps or sleep I dream horrible things, and I took a little nap and I was about to start having a nightmare and I woke up. There’s a person that lives here and he’s not even here but I was about to have a dream with him it’s so scary he’s not even my family member or anything. And like it’s a delicate topic. But it’s the feeling that I can’t even sleep sometimes without dreaming this things that are so scary . And the groinal responses are about to kill me ! This is truly destroying my life I don’t know what to do I don’t want to be like this but I’m too tired to stay awake and too tired to sleep

today's exposure exercise. I look at the face of a person I have sexual thoughts about and I feel that as soon as I can connect that face with sex I am attracted to it, and I feel like I can touch my self on sexual way while looking at that face, and I can imagine it and get it as an urge..it seems like I am stopping myself because it is horrible, not that I don't want to... I get stuck a lot with this and I don't know how to get out...I can't...