Mood swings and ocd

I know this is insane but please, PLEASE hear me out. I just need someone to tell me they relate in some way or something. Does anyone else feel like they have some sort of 'magic' that they accidentally manifested from 'wishing' too hard during a traumatic time and can't feel like you can control it now, which is pretty anxiety inducing since it feels like it would make people be able to feel or see your ocd thoughts? Or use your muscle tensing as part of your ocd? Like if you have an intrusive thought while tensing a muscle, you feel like it's going to come true so you have to 'correct' it by thinking a good thought then tense your muscles again? Because I have both of them. :(

Has anyone ever just felt weird? It’s hard to explain but I just feel weird lately. I usually suffer with harm OCD and I feel like lately I’m not reacting to things I normally would. There’s certain things that will trigger me a little but then other times (like over the last few days) it’s like I feel nothing. I’ll get thoughts and because I don’t feel the physical sensation in my chest or get very emotional like I normally would it’s weird to me. Does this mean I’m liking the thoughts now? Or like I’m comfortable with those actions happening? I’m so confused. Has anyone ever gone through this?

Medication for OCD? Hello all, 19 male here, this seems like a cool community that isn’t nearly as triggering as reddit. I have pretty severe bouts of existential thinking or fear of going crazy ( psychosis ) after some pretty heavy mushroom trips a few years ago, I know logically I should be fine but I do know what it’s like to lose it and it’s scary. Currently I deal with relationship focused OCD, it’s all day from before I even open my eyes. I want things to work out with my girlfriend badly. Also I can come close to a panic attack sometimes which perpetuates everything. Anyway, I mention the fear of going crazy because the way my anxiety/derealization makes me feel is that I’m not mentally stable cause I feel out of it or unreal. I saw that a lot of anxiety and depression medication can cause psychosis and I feel like I could use some help in getting ahead of my OCD because the compulsions are had not to give into when I’m in such distress/not knowing. Plus overall I just feel like I have no idea how I feel about close to anything. Anyone relate about that ?