- Date posted
- 1y
something ironic happened to me
Hey all. I want to share something pretty ironic that happened to me recently. For a little backstory, I have ROCD, specifically the fear of cheating on my partner. In my most recent relationship it has been a lot better and most of my compulsions have subsided. But my last relationship was when it was at its peak. I would control my EVERY move to make sure it was not adulterous bc in my mind it would be cheating. Literally couldn’t walk around others without feeling this way. At one point it gotten so bad it didn’t matter if I was in my home with the window closed. I was convinced that my irrational fears were true. These suffocating thoughts and compulsions urged me to seek therapy after my last relationship. I say all this to say that I am in no way a cheater. But most recent boyfriend (ex as of yesterday) is convinced I have cheated on him. With no real evidence. Only things he thinks he’s found. Each speculation I have disproved. Sometimes all I had was my word but he never believed it. He never believed me. He became ruthless towards me, and his anger over something he thinks I did, seeped out through his jokes. He has severe trust issues. Yesterday during our last argument and my last plea to assure him I am in fact not a cheater I was so desperate I even explained to him what I was in therapy for and showed him documents to prove the type of ocd I have. I told him how can I, someone who has such high morals when it comes to relationships that I developed an OCD fixation around it, cheat on you. But still, he didn’t believe me. Mind you, I told him about my OCD in our beginning stages but I don’t think he fully understood. I just find this all so ironic. A year ago I was in therapy trying to prevent my worst fear from happening. I got semi-better. Met who I thought was going to be my husband. And in the end got accused of doing things I would never do: cheat. It’s sucks because I laid it all out to him. I pleaded to him in a way that did not honor my self worth. And still in the end none of it worked. I am proud of myself because I had the strength to be the one to say the final goodbye because enough is enough. I just find this all so so ironic.