Narcissistic Ex

I was doing some research and saw about the narcissistic traits that OCD can create. Is this after the person knows they have OCD? Because I always knew I had it. But it was the classic one, with little quirks. Years later I developed false memory and intrusive thoughts whit my present theme. I was reading this because I was thinking about attraction. And I think I'm only attracted to two people in this life. But I remember from times by I had the feeling to please people. Without any interest and without even having the intention to do it, it was very automatic. So I was constantly focusing on how I was apparently being. I never acted like I was interested, but it was always like I was dealing with people's focuses. To tell you the truth, I've noticed that I do this even in other social interactions. I feel like I'm being watched all the time and so I have to act the way I'd like to be seen, like a sweet and delicate person. To be honest, I thought it had to do with my childhood issues because I was very careless and that got me bullied a lot when I was little kid. So I thought I was super focused on my appearance because of that. And I thought that the agaradar came as a consequence precisely because I was always seen as a grotesque girl because I took little care of myself. I even remember that the compliment that made me happiest was when someone said I was delicate. It made sense to me that it really was that. But after researching more, I realized that there are a lot of impulsive and repetitive things in my actions. And never with any intention. But in a very strange way. So much so that when I was younger I swore that I had some kind of personality disorder because it was very common to act one way one day and another way the next day. Maybe I was just an unstable teenager? Thank u for the help!

Hi everyone. I haven't posted on here in quite in some time. I'm hesitant to post but I'm battling some things that are compounding onto each other. I've had ocd since 15 I'm 30 now..I feel it's still there but much better than years ago. Currently though I'm really struggling with depression and trauma too. Atleast I believe it's trauma and my psychiatrist saw some indicators. Long story short I was in a relationship with a narcissist and I'm still recovering. I feel my nervous system is still kinda on fight or flight. I've learned that our bodies very much stores trauma. Alongside this I'm pretty critical of my appearance and my self esteem is not so great. I've been putting myself out there more and socializing but I can't shake this feeling of being stuck in an endless loop. It's hard to tell what to tackle. It's difficult for me..I don't know if ocd treatment is for me or more so trauma based therapy. I think there is some overlap..any advice or feedback would be appreciated. A side note I've done ERP in the past and I've been to treatment centers such as mclean. I feel like I need a community because I feel pretty alone but I'm having trouble putting one foot in front of the other.

Hi I’ve never posted before but I need to talk with other people that have this too because it’s hard to explain to other people without ocd. I was in a relationship for awhile and we started dating before either of us knew I had ocd. Anyway I have a really bad episode of it that led me to go get on medication and got into therapy. My ocd can have some really taboo themes and thoughts which I have learned is just what comes with the illness. The problem though is when I was really struggling one of my compulsions was confessing and reassurance seeking specifically to the guy I was dating because I trusted him. We both knew at this point that I had ocd and it affected many parts of our relationship particularly our intimacy which he made me feel bad about. He started calling me crazy, just joking, but still. Eventually I start feeling better and we start being intimate again and the day after he breaks up with me. About a month later after I hear he went on a date with another girl (we live together) he tells me he couldn’t be intimate with me because of my intrusive thoughts. We still live together with 2 other roommates so I still see him everyday. We try to be cordial with each other. I still have my moments though I’m still dealing with my ocd and a breakup seemingly caused by it and I cry a lot. Some months go by and he’s dating this other girl and I end up making out with one of my other roommates. I have no idea if my ex knew but the next day when it was only me in the house he starts screaming “THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS” and starts slamming shit. I tell my roommate about this and he and I are both kind of scared of him. He started acting really cold to us after. Then the night before my graduation my two roommates moved out so it’s just me and my ex in the house. In the middle of the night he comes downstairs and in front of my door calls me a horrible name relating to my intrusive thoughts. I open the door and say fuck you and he says you took my fucking friends. I said I didn’t take shit from you and he says yeah and goes upstairs and screams BINGO for some reason. He did it in the middle of the night when we were alone and I had no one to talk to or go to. He blames me because a lot of our friends sided with me in the breakup because they knew what I was going through. He had told me that I could never speak if my intrusive thoughts to anyone including my therapist (I did don’t worry) but he had made me feel so ashamed more than I was already. Also the next day he left a mess for me to clean up since I was the last one to move out. I’m coming to terms with the fact that on top of this awful experience with ocd that I may have been emotionally abused as well.