I’m so sick of being jealous and mad at this one girl. It’s making me so unhappy... but maybe I deserve to be! Jealousy is ugly. I get annoyed when I know she’ll be at social things because it means I won’t have fun. She’s always the centre of attention, and I envy that so much. But it’s even worse when they’re all together, including her, and I’m not there. Feeling left out sucks. But maybe I should be if I’m just gonna be jealous the whole time anyway! :( Does any body have any advice? I know it’s not a terrible terrible issue. But I just hate that it kills my vibe and tears me up for such a dumb reason.

Hi!!! You have every right to feel how you feel. You are human! You can cry or feel angry or be jealous. ? I understand the feeling of being left out or seeing the center of attention. I used to be jealous of this one girl. I thought she was pretty and I wanted to look like her so badly. But one day, I realized. I’m not doing this to myself. I realized - that girl, the girl who I think is so pretty,, is just a regular girl. With insecurities. Just like me! So I told her myself, how I thought she was pretty. And I felt better. I felt happier. She was actually a really sweet person. How about trying this out and coming back to this app to tell me about it? I think it would make you feel really better (:!! ? Remember: Jealousy. It’s a FEELING. you can’t control your feelings. I know ACT is for things like ACT but it can apply here too. It’s basically accepting the anxiety, and staying committed to your values. Your anxiety is the feeling of jealousy. Your values are to be friendly and be included and not act jealous (to the point where you are left out or not enthusiastic to hang out with people). If you sit out because you feel negative, that doesnt correspond to your values, does it? But being with her, laughing and enjoying this person’s presence and hanging out with your friends does. You can’t control your feelings. But you can control... your actions! It’s not your fault you feel that way. Fake it till you make it, and eventually, you’ll feel happy (:!! Good luck!! ?⭐️ This doesn’t make you a bad person. Feeling jealous doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s natural, you can’t control it. Your problem is valid, even if it doesn’t seem that terrible.

Wow thank you so much for taking the time to write all that! I appreciate it a lot. I guess I just also keep wondering if I’m being a bit selfish here. I don’t want to be jealous because it sucks for ME. But I should want to stop because it’s a sour emotion! Hmmm now that I write that it seems dumb. She’s a big personality. Some people can get really sick of how she controls people and always has to know EVERYTHING. So half of me wants to be like her... but the other half doesn’t like her very much. It’s so weird! I talked to her a couple months ago about the jealousy. She’s jealous of me too which is nuts. There’s always been underlying tension between us because of this reciprocated jealousy. I’m just more envious of how she can be so confident around people and how boys like her presence and stuff. Plus she’ll always be invited to everything and be guaranteed a fun time because people sorta ‘praise’ her. And I’ll be sat down feeling jealous and mean and bitter. She wins - but she was never fighting in the first place. This sounds so evil... but I don’t want to give this girl ‘power’ by bowing down to her. And I try to internally justify that by saying ‘well she’s a mean person, she doesn’t deserve it blah blah blah’... but it’s all just excuses. I’m the mean person here! I should just be nicer to her and take a kinder approach. But if me being nice to her is in attempt to make MYSELF feel better, am I even being nice in the first place? Do you think faking it till I make it will help me? I was wondering about that too. Thanks again for your positivity and time spent writing all that :)

Don’t feel ashamed!!! It’s totally natural to feel this way!! This does not make you a bad person!! I think you should try asking her how to she does it... getting asked to get out, etc. Just because you two of jealous of each other doesn’t mean it’s hatred,, it’s simply being envious and having totally normal feelings. Even the prettiest girl can be jealous. Compliment her. Tell her she is pretty! I totally think you should fake it,, eventually it will turn into a habit and be something that you won’t even think about anymore. Don’t be afraid to hang out with your friends, don’t sit out mad and jealous. To have friends - first step is to be a friend yourself (: Take some time to think about yourself. Let yourself know, this does not make yourself a bad or mean awful person. You are only going through life, and sometimes you can’t help but feel the way you feel. What matters is what you choose to do with those feelings! ? Good luck!!

You’re so right. I can’t help the way I feel, no matter how much I hate it! The sour feeling is so annoying though. It just kills my energy. I’m used to anxiety and stuff making me feel this way, but not something like jealousy. It’s just evvveeeryyyy little thing she does, I now want to do. The best example I can think of is how she has a bad phone. And now suddenly I do. How stupid is that? It’s like my brain aligns the qualities she now possesses solely because of her phone, and says I want them. Ahhh I’m not explaining this very well, and it sounds a bit stupid anyway. I mean, it IS very stupid. But I’ve always wanted to be mysterious, and I guess her lack of a social media presence makes her cool in my head or whatever? I literally don’t know anymore. I think I just need to build a better relationship with myself first. Sort out who I am, and the things that make me unique. I’ve got to understand that people can like me AND her. It’s just so much easier said than done hahahah!

It’s just like... in my head there’s this person I want to be. I want to express myself as intelligent and wise and comforting and kind. But that never comes across. I feel so average all the time, and I hate it. I want to be special. So when someone else has a quality that I wish to flourish within myself, I get so jealous. And mad? It’s so stupid. So with the whole phone thing, I often wonder if I’d be smarter if I wasn’t on my phone so much. If I read books, and painted pictures. Things like that. So when someone else suddenly has the opportunity to be the person I want to be, I feel inferior. I want to be interesting. Sorry I’m going on and on. It’s all just in my mind right now ahhh!! ?

It’s alright!! How about focusing on your qualities? What about her is something you envy? If it’s to hang out with people, then try asking them to hang out first. I am sure you are a kind person. If you feel yourself getting envious, back away from the situation and regain yourself. Remember the person YOU want to be!! You want to be kind and be involved in the event, breathe deeply and do so! Speak up for yourself.

Ahhh you know what, you’re absolutely right. And me stressing out about my jealousy won’t make it miraculously dissolve! I have traits that she doesn’t have, and she has traits that I don’t have. And that’s just life I guess! I must stop. I don’t know why I’m trying so hard to make HER feel jealous of me, when I know how much jealousy sucks. I feel mean. I guess I just fear I’ll never have a good life if I always carry such strong envy? It’s like a horrible weight on my shoulders. I wish to not care ://