I'm stressing out

tw for mention of SA I've been really thinking back on something that happened to me as a child, and if it was the direct cause of my OCD. I'm not sure if OCD has any direct causes, but I think I know what triggered mine. As a child, at around 5, I was SA and I feel like it's what started it. I started getting my first intrusive thoughts soon after this happened and they mainly related to fears of it happening again or me doing it to other people. It kept progressing until where I am now. I feel really guilty because I don't know if I'd still have OCD today if it never happened. I know I was a child but I wish I could have fought back more and I wish I stopped it before it could happen I just feel so bad about everything and I feel like all my problems right now could have been prevented

Username: Wolfram Wolfram

Date posted: 37w ago

Sorry you went through that, nobody deserves to go through that. My ocd was caused by a different type of trauma. I feel as if ocd is caused by an overwhelming amount of fear or anxiety when younger. I went through a problem with sa against me when I was a teen and I did fight back and it was traumatic to even do that. I can't say if it's worse or equal to your experience but I felt more terrified of myself and what I was potentially capable of, than the actual man that assaulted me. I was angry with that person for years and felt guilty and ashamed that I allowed myself to even be in that situation. You may be right, your problems could've all been prevented. You may be wrong too and something else would've caused it later. (you're probably right though, I'm not invalidating that). The biggest thing that helped me was forgiving the person, not for them, but for me. It took a while to do and Emdr therapy helped greatly for the trauma. It made things easier. I never met that person again after that day so I didn't let them know I forgave them, it was purely for my benefit. There was a powerful Ted talk I saw that changed my perception a little. I'd be willing to find and share link but it might be triggering a little.

Username: IseeinpinkkIseeinpinkk

Date posted: 37w ago

The same thing happened to me after I was sa as a child I started to cope by pretending I made it up, it actually made me spiral and now I can’t tell if I’ve made it all up or if it actually happened so I haven’t been able to tell anyone what I’ve been dealing with.

Username: mousemouseymousemousey

Date posted: 37w ago

you should talk to someone about it :( OCD can really mess up our perception of reality, so it very well could have happened, if you want to talk about it I can always try to listen and help in any way I can

Username: IseeinpinkkIseeinpinkk

Date posted: 37w ago

@mousemousey Thank you, I really appreciate that.

Username: rodria49rodria49

Date posted: 37w ago

I’m so sorry this happened to you. You’re not alone. My OCD came out as a result of dealing with CPTSD: specifically my CSA at 8-10 by a close family member. There’s studies that find OCD to be a trauma response and honestly it makes sense. OCD tends to be a lot about control and yknow the bad things that happen to us.. we couldn’t control them. There’s a really good book I hear about all the time about CPTSD ‘The Body Keeps Score’ and I think it mentions OCD at some point. It really sucks. We didn’t deserve what happened to us and we definitely don’t deserve to suffer now as we grow older. Seek therapy my friend. Working on the root cause is helping me understand myself a lot more and I’m hoping it’ll ease my OCD a bit. It’s hard but you can do it!

Username: letsgo

Date posted: 5y ago

TW!! POCD Please help. I’ve been doing decent lately but just need support on something that has kept me stuck. I can’t tell if this is a real memory or not, but I’m pretty sure it is. Maybe distorted. But feels so real. And I’m terrified. Last year before my huge OCD spike. So before I even knew I had OCD. I remember being around kids at work, and this girl in a skirt was on a climber on the playground and I remember looking up and you could see her underwear. I remember staring for a minute, and it was kind of like a car accident, I couldn’t look away. I remember finally coming to my senses and saying I wonder what people would think if they knew I was doing this. After that, I completely forgot about it until my spike in October and I’ve been living in a prison of regret and guilt ever since. I sometimes see that child at work still and I get a rush of anxiety and guilt. I just don’t know how to move pass this, for this reason it gives my OCD proof that I am what I fear so much. Is it possible that I was experiencing intrusive thoughts then and just didn’t care enough or realize it. I’m so broken from this. I hate what I’m going through. I hate myself if this memory is real.

POCD

Username: Idontknowaus...

Date posted: 1y ago

I suffered cocsa and it makes my ocd go wild.

Tw: sa For those who don’t know what cocsa is it’s child on child sexual abuse. My cousin who was 4 years older then me sa’d me continually until he was an adult. These memories taint and confuse others especially because he disguised his play as abuse. So it’s like nowadays thinking back to when I was playing with other kids, was any of it sexual like it was with him? Obviously I didn’t know it was with him until I got older and he admitted that shit. He told me straight up that he did it on purpose. There were also times where he didn’t even bother to disguise it.. These are the thoughts that consume me. Worried that I sa’d or was sa’d by a family member or friend. God admitting this is scary because I feel most people would fucking hate me. I don’t wanna be a bad person. I feel disgusting in all aspects and I hate being in my mind and body.

Real Events OCD

Username: Lenise

Date posted: 1y ago

Can being SA’d as a child give you ocd?

I was inappropriately touched by a few people close to me. All fairly young as well. I can’t help but think some of it was my fault. I also repeated these actions to other kids my age and traumatized them too. I feel so so guilty and awful. It makes me hate myself so much.

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