I have been dwelling on the same thing since February. It’s awful. It feels suffocating. I don’t even know what to do anymore. I hate myself for it

It doesn’t. You don’t enjoy thinking about children in other contexts, it’s super specific to this particular event. It’s just a weird connection your brain made. I say shrug it off. Explore new things that make you feel good.

I’m in the same boat. Don’t hate yourself, hate the ocd. You might consider seeing a professional to help you through this.

Maybe it’s like harm ocd. Or the idea hurting. It could be a way of punishing yourself. It could also be intrusive thoughts. I wish I could be more of a help!

I appreciate your words. Sometimes, as I am sure you know, we get some wrapped up with the OCD, we lose all sight of reality. Much love❤️

I feel like I could never ever talk about this. I’m so ashamed.

This is a no judgement zone on here. We all struggle with things. And if you go to a psychiatrist or therapist, they wouldn’t judge you either.

I have always had this birth fetish ever since I was a kid. I liked the idea of painful births. I wish I didn’t but I do. And I’ve accepted that. I guess I sorta like BDSM and stuff like that. Then one day a thought popped into my head thinking how it would be even more painful for a child to experience it and I would like that reaction because of how bad it would be. And ever since I thought of it, I have felt disgusting and horrible.

People like weird stuff all the time. And we can’t help it. If this particular fetish both pleases and disgusts you, you don’t have to engage in it. You also don’t have to beat yourself up over having it. Your brain made an odd connection and you can’t help how your body will react to it. I’d suggest exploring more of the BDSM world to find other kinds of stimulus that you can both enjoy and not feel guilty about. A sex therapist may also be useful. Don’t worry about sharing it with them: they’ve heard it all.

I think I start to feel guilty because I wouldn’t really call it an intrusive thought. Because I feel like I liked the idea of it and felt guilty about that and worried that made me a pedophile.

Everyone has ‘strange’ interests. You only have to look on a porn site and see all the different categories and videos. I would definitely recommend seeing a therapist. There’s nothing they haven’t heard or seen before I promise you. They could help you understand why you have these interests and stop you from feeling guilty about them x