Does anyone have a way of overcoming fear of going crazy. This has been a fear of mine for 6 years ever since my first panic attack. It eventually developed into schiz ocd. I just have the strongest imagination and such deep thoughts. I used to love this about myself before I knew what schizophrenia was. Now I just associate every bizarre thought I have as a sign or delusion. It’s been such torture that I get the most abstract intrusive thoughts. Like one that kept me up was “isn’t it weird how were always in this reality.” I started to think like everything we see is always part of this reality. Just weird stuff like that. How do I just not let these thoughts affect me. How do I overcome my fear of insanity? It’s so hard. I literally research all day of organic causes of psychosis like low blood sugar or vitamin deficiency just to reassure myself if it’s happening to me at least it could be a physical cause and it will never happen again. I just want to be okay with the worst possibility in my mind. Which would be schizophrenia. I just want to not be afraid of this illness already. My heart skips a beat every time I see that word.

You’ve spoken to many professionals— what makes you think that they are wrong? You may not feel like you are seeking reassurance but you are. There is no way random internet strangers will be able to tell you better than professionals. You have to trust their judgment. I think you need to work on your specific concerns around your ability to handle having mental illness. Why would having schizophrenia be so much more intolerable than having OCD or depression or dementia or diabetes? Maybe you should look at writing a script telling the whole story of what your life would be like if you were living with schizophrenia and then record it using the Plan microphone tool and listen to it until you are bored.

I’ve found literally every possible cause of psychosis. Literally everything from mold exposure to severe stress. I’m so protective and afraid to try anything. I haven’t had alcohol in years I hold my breath when I’m around weed. I even stopped eating gluten because I read it can cause it. I just really want to let go and say fuck it. I want to have fun again. I want to let my thoughts just be thoughts. I swear I think the fear of insanity is worse than actual insanity.

Wouldn’t it be a tragedy if you spent all these years worrying about something that never eventually occurred? And if it did occur, would worrying about it now actually prepare you for the experience in any way? Schizophrenia isn’t a death sentence- there are many excellent medications and people live completely normal lives. However the issue is that people STOP taking their meds because they start feeling better and think, look I’m cured!!! I think you said it best when you said “I think the fear of insanity is worse than the actual insanity.” I think you should spend some time looking at the cognitive distortions at play here. I’m seeing catastrophizing, black and white thinking, filtering, just to name a few.

Thank you worrieddriver. I guess I really don’t know if I have it or not. I want to be okay with having it. And I know if you think you have it it’s very likely you don’t. I guess when you’re so afraid of it as I’ve been the mind really plays tricks on you. I always think I hear something but I’m never really sure. My thoughts definitely have changed since this fear started. It’s like how can I just be sure I don’t, and move on. Every time I think I’m over it my brain will remind me of a time where it could have been schiz. I’ve spoken to many professionals and they all agree it’s my mind playing tricks but I can never be sure. For instance is it normal to think of something “like should I move apartments?” And then out of nowhere you “hear” “you should”. I say hear but it’s internal and in my own voice, but it’s out of no where. I had no control over it. I’m not really looking for reassurance here, I’m just wanting to really confirm if people get this? All these little things that don’t really happen often, but because I know what schiz is makes me think of it all the time. I’m just so confused. I know a lot of it is fear and my rational brain is saying that it affects literally .7% of the population, and I don’t have it in my family.