Intrusive Delusional thinking

@happiness._.123 Yeah

@mrselfdestruct1994 This is literally my most recent post on here. Lmk if this sounds similar to you: “I’m going through what is hopefully just a really bad hypochondria episode where I’ve convinced myself I have schizophrenia. It’s been about 8 months and I’ve been through a range of crazy symptoms but the most prevalent symptom is getting crazy delusional thoughts like “what if my wife is a demon and trying to get to me” “what if nobody is real and these are all monsters/demons out to get me” etc etc. the thoughts are absolutely terrifying and they make me look at people differently, and i have to question myself whether I truly believe the thoughts or not, they feel so real, when they come on I almost catch myself genuinely feeling paranoid that they are 100% real and having a panic attack, but then the tiny bit of me that’s still rational brings me back to reality. And from then on I have to question myself all day “do I really believe this?” “Well you technically can’t disprove those things” “if it’s not real, then why does it FEEL real?” “This really is schizophrenia” “ what if it’s not schizophrenia but ACTUALLY real?” “who do I go to for help?” “What if I can’t trust anyone” etc, it’s literally hell. I can never give a satisfying “No, I don’t believe this” to these thoughts. I can go days and weeks and be able to confidently shrug them off and tell how ridiculous they are only for them to come back with a vengeance the next day. I could really use some reassurance even though I know it’s bad. I have never been like this before until I started obsessing over schizophrenia. I’ve been like this for 8 months now.”

@mrselfdestruct1994 Yeah pretty much spot on, but my theme keeps switching from that to what if I’m in the Truman show type thoughts, or what if the government is after me or crazy stuff like that, and the fact that it keeps switching disproves them because it’s just my ocd trying to terrify me, but the logic is not enough to stop it from feeling incredibly real, when I know it’s not. Literally the exact same thing as you man, except mine keeps fluctuating.

@mrselfdestruct1994 I’m going through the same thoughts and issues as you guys. You aren’t alone. It’s hell. I think the fact we are scared of these psychotic illnesses our ocd is playing tricks on us giving us intrusive thoughts images and sensations that mimic these conditions.

@Anonymous 12t I can’t tell you how comforting it is to know I’m not the only one ): it’s truly hell. I had the biggest panic of my life yesterday, the thoughts feel like they are becoming more real. I wish I could just get rid of these thoughts, but they have convinced me that these are things I need to be worried about for some reason.

@mrselfdestruct1994 Idk but a core fear of mine is losing my family and becoming institutionalized and losing everything and everyone I love. My son is my world and the thought of being taken away from him due to being “crazy” is enough to make me want to throw up. So then when you throw awful thoughts on top of that like “maybe ur son is a demon. Maybe he’s not your son. Why did he make that weird noise. He must be a demon”… of course that causes immense anxiety and disgust and panic. It’s awful.

@Anonymous 12t Have you been to a therapist and gotten any diagnosis’?

@mrselfdestruct1994 Yea through here I saw a therapist and was diagnosed with ocd and panic disorder. And I saw a psychiatrist 5 years ago when the onset of my ocd started and was diagnosed with ocd and generalized anxiety disorder. But I still doubt I was diagnosed correctly. Another fun part of ocd

@Anonymous 12t Sounds exactly like me. I’m 24 dealing with this. May I ask how old you are? Feel free not to answer, I don’t mean to come off weird. I’m just trying to compare our experiences

@mrselfdestruct1994 26. Feel free to shoot me a txt 4435150628

@mrselfdestruct1994 I’m doing about the same, thanks for asking. Weirdly I think my mind has gotten used to these thoughts yet I’m still constantly in this loop, overall a little less anxiety but still in the constant loop. And then I start freaking out about not freaking out, like why am I not freaking out does that mean I believe it? I feel like I’m in a constant nightmare. My mind is scattered. I’m finally getting to see a therapist for this tomorrow so I’m hopeful for that.

@Anonymous Any update on how that therapy visit went?

@mrselfdestruct1994 Went well, told her everything and said it was definitely ocd

@Anonymous How you doing man, just checking in on you, because we have similar themes. I know the last couple weeks have been HELLISH for me. It truly feels like I’m at a point where i don’t know what to believe anymore, I’m almost not getting any breaks away from these thoughts anymore. It truly feels like my reality… hope your doing better than me

@mrselfdestruct1994 Really sorry to hear man. I am doing a bit better after starting erp, thank you for asking. I just want you to know that it isn’t hopeless and you can get over this. The fact that I am seeing some progress already proves that. When do you think you’ll be able to see an erp therapist? Also not sure if you’ve tried this, but when I get into intense moments of panic I take a cold shower or just jot all of my thoughts down which helps a little bit. Maybe also some meditation. Sincerely hope you feel better.

@Anonymous I’ll have my 3rd session with my erp therapist on Thursday, we haven’t really gotten into exposure and real treatment yet, which is probably why I’m dealing with this so bad still. I’ll let you know how it goes. Good to hear your seeing improvement though man, hell yeah.

@mrselfdestruct1994 Thanks, it was like that for me too at first. Just a bunch of tests and questions and stuff the first few sessions. Erp is stressful but It works. You basically just sit through the discomfort until the anxiety slowly dissipates on its own. Glad to hear you got started though.

@mrselfdestruct1994 How have things been recently?

@Anonymous I had to find another therapist outside of NOCD, my therapist just wasn’t getting me, but so far my new one seems very good. Still feeling the same though sadly, the thoughts feel very real and still feel like I don’t know what to believe, hoping I can get over this soon

@mrselfdestruct1994 Sorry to hear your feeling the same, but it’s good you found someone you like. I just wanted to let you know even thought it’s been a couple of weeks, erp really has been helping so far. Not completely better or anything but sitting through the thoughts without doing any sort of compulsion can be scary but the anxiety eventually subsides and the thoughts pop up less often. I don’t want you to think that just because this is your theme you can’t get over it, because I have the same one and I’m already seeing some improvements in my daily life. There is hope for you man.

@Anonymous Yeah man, I already see the potential, I notice I can actually feel somewhat good for a while when I respond to the thoughts with “maybe, maybe not” and not fight them. But something that really scares me about this theme and these thoughts is that they are REALLY trying to get me to believe them, like my mind is trying so hard to convince when I get thoughts like “nobody is real, everybody is just a demon or a skin walker”, I’ll catch myself feeling normal and wanting to do something sweet for my wife and then a thought will pop into my head like “why does this even matter? She’s not real, why would you care about how she feels? She’s just a demon anyway” and then I get sucked back into the spiral, it’s really really scary

@mrselfdestruct1994 Wow man, I literally get the exact same thought whenever I’m just talking to someone or doing something for someone else. Ocd is really trying convince me it’s happening. Like that same phrase pops in my mind “why should I care my family are just skinwalkers anyways” . It’s just another trap set by ocd to keep you in, all you have to do is sit through it. I’m still learning but I’m starting to get better at it. I feel you and it’s scary asf because it feels really real but erp works.

@Anonymous Can’t tell you how comforting that is to hear that we have those same kind of thoughts. Man I am so deep in this crap, it really just feels like my reality at this point and I have scary thoughts that I’m just in denial of the thoughts and I’m just denying facts. These thoughts present themselves in a way that they feel like they are the only option or right answer, like it feels like a gut feeling.

@mrselfdestruct1994 Hey man, was wondering how you were doing?

@Anonymous Today is a pretty good day, but I’m still about the same over all. It’s hard to not fight with these thoughts

@Anonymous How have you been man?

@mrselfdestruct1994 I hear you on that last part man. I’m doing pretty good overall. Thoughts went away for awhile but came back a little bit, but got a grasp on them again. How’s erp been for you?

@mrselfdestruct1994 I know it’s been awhile but I was wondering how you’ve been doing lately

@Anonymous Been doing much better for sure, I still deal with these thoughts everyday but they are starting to feel less and less believable

@mrselfdestruct1994 That’s awesome to hear man. Glad you’re doing better.